Pointless
by SassyPrincess14
Summary: Everything we did now just seemed pointless. Before the dead came back to life, I had been a doctor. I saved people. Now I was stuck with my asshole brother and a whole camp full of people I didn't like. Daryl/OC. Strong language and some adult content.
1. Chapter 1

What the hell was I doing here? I had no fucking idea. I should have been at the CDC, where I had been meant to go. Weeks ago. Instead, I was washing laundry. Laundry! In a creek―quarry―whatever the hell it was. My point was, I had spent nearly a quarter million dollars on my education just to end up a fucking house maid, outdoor maid. Whatever. I was a fucking maid. Great. My mother would be so proud―if y'know, she wasn't dead like most of the rest of the population. Part of me felt like I should be more upset about that, but when you loose your whole family at once and then have to fight for your own survival, you don't have time to grieve for them. It would hit me later. That was the funny thing about grief, it would come out, sooner or later, usually during high stress situations, you could bury your grief away by distracting yourself. So, for now, I had no time for feelings other than anger.

"Sadie," I turned at the sound of my name. Oh yeah, I wasn't completely alone. I had my older brother. Shane. He was still here. Sometimes, when he wasn't off screwing his dead best friend's wife. People were fucked up. Reasons I tried to avoid them. Did I mention that I hate people? I may have been a doctor―an ER doctor more specifically―I didn't have to deal much with other people. When I came into the room, everyone did as I said. Because I knew what I was doing. And they needed me. Social interaction was not my cup of tea. It never had. I had always been someone to try to be alone more often than not. I liked my space. It was much easier that way, too. Then they couldn't hurt me.

"What?" I asked, slightly annoyed with him. Deep down, I loved my brother, but we had always fought. It was what we did. I didn't see a point in changing for the apocalypse. It would seem fake to me. If I started pretending that we were two peas in a pod just because one or both of us could be dead any time now, that would not be me.

"It's um, the thing is, Rick. He's alive."

"Regret sleeping with his wife, yet?" I asked. It was the first thing that popped into my mind. I knew if the situation was reversed and I had been sleeping with Rick while he thought Lori was dead, I would probably feel at least a little shitty.

"Why do you gotta do that?" he said, his voice defensive. "Why do you gotta act like a bitch who doesn't give two shits about anybody."

"Because, oh dear big brother of mine, I am a bitch who doesn't care about pretty much anyone."

"You're so full of shit," he said, walking off. Good. I was better off down here by myself. I didn't need him. I didn't need anyone. But I heard footsteps behind me again. He was back. "You're not going to tell him, are you?"

"Why would I tell him anything? It's not my job."

"You've had just about the biggest crush on Rick since you were five."

"Fuck you. That was when I was a kid. I've gotten over that. So no, I won't tell him."

"Good," he left for real this time. Bye. I walked back to camp with a wet basket of clothes. Fucking maid duty. We fell back into the stupid, sexist gender roles that had plagued out society for years and I was fucking sick of it. I rarely did my own damn laundry!

"I'll hang those up," Carol offered.

"You don't have to," I replied.

"You've been washing all day. Let me," she smiled kindly.

"Thanks," I left the basket with her. I liked Carol. She was nice. Her husband was an abusive prick, but she was nothing but nice. He was an insecure son of a bitch who didn't deserve the gum from the bottom of my shoe. Only the lowest of low beat on someone they're supposed to care about to feel power. Someone needed to put the cowardly bastard in his place. Mark my words, it would be me if he ever did anything while I was around. Stupid asshole. I was the type of person to speak my mind and stand up for what I believed in.

"I see someone's risen from the dead―but not as a flesh eating asshole," I said to Rick, walking up beside him.

"Sadie," he looked at me in surprise. "I missed your sense of humour," he laughed a little, hugging me.

"And I missed your sorry mug," I grinned. It was genuine. Whether I liked it or not, there were a few people in this world who had gotten under my skin. A few people I actually cared about. Shane was one of them, for obvious reasons, Rick was another, he had been there all through my life, and Rick's son, Carl. Carl was probably the closest thing I would ever have to a nephew―or even a kid of my own. Lately, it felt like I was raising him. Because, y'know, Lori was too busy hooking up with my brother to give two shits about her own kid. A+ mothering right there, honestly. She would be my vote for mother of the year, if the committee for that type of shit didn't get killed off with the rest of the world that we knew.

"Sadie," Shane's voice called, walking over to me.

"Leave me alone. I'm talking to the living dead man," I stated.

"I need help getting water."

"Take someone else."

"I want to take you," he said through gritted teeth.

"You're a goddamn pain in my ass, you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too."

"Ass," I said, looking back to Rick. "I'll talk you later. Maybe Shane will too. If I don't murder his ass."

"Bye, Sadie," he laughed. I climbed in the Jeep and we sped down the road to the quarry.

"This means I'll be back in our tent full time," Shane said.

"Dammit! I was just about to add a new wall. Give myself some much needed closet space for all of my five things," I replied. If Shane was in there, he was in there. Of fucking well. It wasn't like I had belongings to take up space.

"Can you turn the sarcasm off for, I don't know, five seconds. You're all I've got, Sads."

"Yeah and you're all I've got. But you didn't seem to think about that when you had Rick's wife and child."

"Sadie..." he sounded guilty.

"Look, it doesn't matter. If we're all each other's got, we better make the most of it. We all know that we could die―and or come back from the dead―at any moment. Let's just drop it," I sighed. "Serious enough for you?"

"Yeah," he sounded a little sad. But only for a moment.

"That was more than five seconds," I complained.

Shane was my big brother. Which meant two things, he would not be weak in front of me, if avoidable, and he would always tease me if their was an opportunity. "Y'know, if I stayed with Lori, you could always enjoy Rick's company," he suggested.

"You're a pain in the ass, y'know that?"

"I know."

XxX

So the big blow up came when Rick confessed to Daryl that his brother had been left in Atlanta. And Rick also confessed that he was going back with Daryl to get him. "I'll go," I had said, I needed out of this place. Away from these sissy ass maid chores. I was sick was washing everyone's clothes. A little adventure was just what I needed in my life.

"No," Rick and Shane both said.

"Hm, last time I checked, neither of you were in control of me, and let's see...I'm a grown ass woman. I'll do whatever the fuck I want. But thanks so much for your input," I said, walking towards the big cube van.

"Sadie―"

"Shane, my decision has been made. I love you and all, but I don't care what you have to say. I'll see you later, alright?"

"Stubborn pain in my ass," Shane muttered as I climbed in the back of the van. Soon, T-Dog and Daryl joined me.

"Why'd you come?" Daryl asked.

"You're brother's fun to annoy," I shrugged. "And I know what it's like to have an asshole for a brother―even though they're a fucking asshole, you still don't want them to die." Daryl left it at that. Good.

"I don't see the resemblance between you and your brother," T-Dog said, changing the subject to me. For the two of them, I was neutral ground.

"I'm kind of the blonde sheep of the family," I said. My hair was this dirty blonde colour. Not quite brown. Not quite blonde. My mum had dark brown curly hair while my dad had the same jet black hair as Shane. I ended up with my mum's emerald eyes though. I didn't really like the topic of conversation being me. I didn't like talking about me. I didn't even really like talking to other people. Sitting in silence would be my preference but it's T-Dog, who keeps trying to keep the conversation alive.

Making our way through Atlanta was a blur. There was a lot going on around me and it was hard to focus on anything that was going on. We made our way to the store they were in, Daryl shot various walkers with his crossbow. Even I had to admit, he was an attractive man. Part of it was his survival skills in this world. I, just as the rest of the female population, was attracted to men with that primal instinct to protect. Daryl could protect anyone. That an attractive quality. We made our way up to the roof and where Merle should be, there was a hand. A fucking hand. This could only mean one thing. Merle cut off his own hand to escape the handcuffs. This was going to end well, I was sure of it, just like everything else.

 **AN: Hello everyone. I don't really know for sure where I'm going to go with this story. I just got the idea and I haven't written much in a while. So I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews always help get my creative juices flowing and if you'd like to leave suggestions, I'm always open to that as well. Thanks for reading!**

 **~Michelle~**

 **Update: 20 January 2016: I thought I'd go back through and give this story a bit of polishing. I like to do that every now and then, make it look a little better, fix some errors, so here it is :)**


	2. Chapter 2

"Your brother's a tough motherfucker," I said to Daryl, looking at the charred skin from where he had cauterised the his arm. I knew that had to hurt like a bitch, Goddamn. I didn't even know if I would have the strength to do that to myself if necessary.

"Ain't nobody can kill Merle, but Merle," he confirmed.

"He might be 'a tough motherfucker'," Rick said, sending me an annoyed look―using air quotes and all. "But anybody can die from blood loss. From walkers."

"You made it through Atlanta, didn't you?" I asked, giving him a look.

"I had help."

"And so will Merle," the look on my face was challenging, daring him to argue with me.

"Why do you care so much about _Merle Dixon_?" Rick asked.

"Hey, best be watchin' yer mouth," Daryl warned.

"The more we look for Merle, the longer I get to be away from Shane." And fucking laundry duty.

"Can I talk to you...for a moment," Rick said a statement, not a question, tugging my arm out of earshot of everyone else. His hand stayed on my bicep. "This is not some sort of game so that you can escape Shane. This is dangerous."

"So what, you wake up from a coma and suddenly you're king of the fucking apocalypse. Acting like you know shit all of a sudden," I glared at him. His grip tightened. Rick Grimes had never been one for unnecessary violence―I kind of liked this side of him. This side was darker. Dare I say _sexy_? I don't know, it was certainly something. Maybe he was into some kinky stuff. I was really curious now!

"I may not be the expert but I know more than childish games."

"If I'm being such a child, Rick, what're you gonna do? _Punish me_?" I teased. Too bad I might like it if Rick Grimes punished me. Bend me over his knee, smack my ass a bit. I was shameless. Oh my God, I tried to remind myself that he was married. That did Lori a hell of a lot of good though.

"Let's just get back to what we were doing," he said, clearing his throat and heading back to the group.

"What's the matter, Rick? Afraid you might like spanking me?" I asked, grinning. I saw Glenn's cheeks flush right away as he looked away. "Maybe you could instead," I winked at him. "Y'know, if Rick isn't willing."

"I swear, this is the most I've ever heard you talk," T-Dog said and I shrugged.

Daryl just rolled his eyes at us. "Ya wanna git back ta findin' my brother?"

"What's the matter Dixon? Jealous? You wanna spank me instead?" I rose an eyebrow.

"Let's fuckin' go," he said. I swear to God, I thought I saw Daryl's cheeks flush. That may have been my greatest achievement! Even better than graduating from medical school!

"If I was going to do porn, I could probably find a better looking group then you ugly lot." I had to find some way to entertain myself. If that meant messing with the rest of the survivors, I might as well.

"Did that just happen?" T-Dog asked out loud.

"Damn right it did," I grinned. Rick made a plan for all of us to follow. To get the guns from the middle of the street―this way we would be better armed to get to the truck. But of course, this was the fucking apocalypse and it went to shit. Glenn got kidnapped, taken by someone who I couldn't see. But we took one of theirs. I left the planning to Rick once again and I went along with the plan. We ended up arguing with some Mexican guys about the guns. In the end, Rick did the noble thing. Even if it wasn't the smart thing. He gave them half the guns. It may have been the "right" thing to do, but this was the apocalypse. Part of me wondered if we should be in a world of "every man for himself". It was a conflicted decision, really. Rick probably made the best choice for the options he had. That's what I would have to do, make the best choice for me, it was really the only solution.

"Fucking wonderful," I said, throwing my hands in the air when we found out our van was stolen. We had to walk back to camp. I signed up for a few hours away from laundry duty and Shane, not fucking walking.

XxX

When we finally got back to the camp, it was a massacre. We were fighting. All the fucking walkers kept coming out of nowhere. I heard a childish yell and I surprised myself by not hesitating. I found Carl very close to getting attacked―where the hell was Lori? Oh where the hell was she ever? I pulled my gun on the walker and grabbed Carl's arm. "C'mon, kiddo, gonna get you on the RV," I told him.

"It almost got me."

"Well it didn't, you lucky little bastard, c'mon now." I helped him to climb up the ladder.

"You get up there too," Rick stated from behind me.

"This is not the time or the place to argue with me," I told him.

"I don't have time for your stubbornness," Rick said, giving me a dirty look. I saw the oozing face of the walker from behind Rick. I pulled up my gun and fired a shot into its head.

"I don't have time to let you die. You've got a kid who needs you," I refrained from saying that he especially needed his father because his mother didn't do jack shit. So Rick and I fought off walkers while trying to get people up to the top of the RV.

XxX

I should've known this place would end. It was stupid to not think that this place would go to hell in a handbasket sooner or later. I wouldn't make that mistake. Comfortability was a weakness now that the world was over. I had to remember that. Staying alert would be the difference between life and death.

Speaking of alertness, I heard someone walking up behind me. The steps sounded heavy against the gravel. It was Rick or Shane, the two had a similar sound when they walked, maybe that was because they had a similar build, I didn't know, but I could recognise their steps.

"You saved my son's life," Rick stated, sitting down beside me on the rocks. "And mine."

"Maybe the two of you can return the favour some day," I shrugged. He just nodded beside me. And I let out a sigh. "Where are we going? Y'know...after this place?"

"Shane wants to go to Fort Benning."

"And I take it that's not where you want to go," I stated, wanting him to get to the point instead of beating around the bush about it.

"I want to go to the CDC."

"Finally, someone has the right idea. I was supposed to go there―that was how I ended up near here again." I had been living in DC and I was a doctor there―a neurologist, actually.

"You'll side with me, then?"

"Side with you? There are no sides," I stated. "It's not siding with you or Shane. It's deciding on what's best for the group."

"However you need to look at it," he sighed. "We're taking a vote―more or less."

"All right," I stood up from the rocks by the bank of the quarry.

"And, Sadie, I'm glad you're here...I missed you."

"Don't get all soft on me now, Grimes," I punched his arm and headed back to camp.

 **AN: So I'm not sure how I, personally felt about this chapter. I have a lot of ideas for moving forward, but we'll get there. If anybody has ideas, please mention them, whether it's through a PM or a review, feel free. And, usually I will not update two days in a row, but I feel accomplished because I just got my last English paper of the semester written (go me!) and I wanted to update. Though, the more reviews I get, the quicker I'll update. Thank you to all of those who have reviewed/favourite** **d** **/followed. And few free to leave a review of whether you want Sadie to end up with Rick or Daryl**

 **~Michelle~**

 **P.S. Sorry that I didn't go into great detail with everything that happened in Atlanta, but, by now, most people have a really good idea of how everything went down-I've seen those episodes so many times-and I didn't find it too important.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Sadie," Shane's voice brought me out of my daydream. I was thinking about before. Before the dead began to rise and eat other people's flesh. I was thinking about working in the ER. I may have specialised in neurology in college; however, the ER became my home. I was used to the high stress levels and all of the pressure being on me. That was something that had helped me to be prepared for this world. I could handle all of the craziness and I could anticipate any situation that was to be thrown my way. I knew what needed to be done.

"What?" I asked, annoyed. Me, annoyed? What else was new?

"What's your problem?"

"I don't know, it might have something to do with the dead people walking around. But, then again, I've always been a major bitch. I'm just being me, Shane." I shrugged. This was me, why did he think it wasn't?

"I wish you'd stop acting like yer not scared," he sighed.

"I'm not. When you're not worried about sticking around for anyone in particular, you don't get so scared. If I live, I live, if I die, I die. And, if I die protecting someone like Carl or Rick―who have people that will lose their shit if they die―it'll make me feel like I actually did something meaningful with my life."

"I'd lose my shit if you died."

"Shane, just don't, okay? You don't have to act like I matter that much to you. Sure, I'm your sister and you love me because you have to, but you life wouldn't change that drastically if I wasn't around."

"How can you say that? You know I'm all for honesty, but damn." The irony of that. Jesus fucking Christ. He was all for honesty, yet, he had been sleeping with his best friend's wife and still hadn't come clean.

"Because I don't believe in tricking myself into believing that when the shit hits the fan, you'll try to save me over let's say...Lori. But y'know what? I wouldn't want you to―or need you to. She's a mother. She might be just as big of a bitch as me, but a kid needs a mother―or to think he has one around. Even though Lori isn't there for her son."

"That's not true."

"Really? Then where the hell were the both of you at camp when the walkers came? When he almost _died_?" I rolled my eyes. Luckily, the caravan was pulling over. Apparently there was something up with Jim―he was bitten last night and he was turning. This was a good chance for me to escape Shane. Perhaps I shouldn't felt more sympathy for Jim―which don't get me wrong, it was a shitty situation, but there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it, so why stress myself out about it?

"Yo, Dixon, can I catch a ride?" I asked Daryl.

"Why? Thought ya were ridin' with yer brother."

"Well, my brother's an asshole, as you are well aware. So, I'd really love to escape him," I watched him for a reaction. "I'll be quiet. You won't even know I'm here."

"Yeah, right."

"C'mon, Daryl. You can do the spanking, if you so choose. I'm sure I've done something worthy of punishment today." I grinned. "Or you could choose your own form of punishment," I winked.

"Stop," he said firmly. That did not help the slight pink on his cheeks. I liked making grown men blush. It was my favourite hobby―and by this point, I considered it a hobby. Maybe that contributed to why Lori hated me. I would shamelessly do that to Rick any time I was around all of them. That was the best.

"Perhaps you'd prefer to be the one who's spanked?" I rose an eyebrow and he just looked at me angrily. Then, something clicked. Shit. "I didn't mean that...I meant it in a sexual way," I tried to recover.

"Just get in the damn truck."

"Aye, aye, Captain."

I picked up on some sort of abuse in Daryl's past. I didn't know exactly what kind, but the way he had reacted when I suggested that told me all I needed to know. I had learned to pick up on the subtle cues. Wives would come in beaten―children with bruises all over their body. Sometimes, none of that stuff would be visible. But they told me without using words.

"Got any music? Y'know, some cool jams?" I asked Daryl as we drove to the CDC.

"No."

"You're such a sourpuss," I frowned. "What about the license plate game? I found Georgia!"

"No."

"Somebody needs to get laid," I rolled my eyes. He gave me a scowl. "Maybe if you'd been nicer to me I would offer to blow you. But you wouldn't even play the license plate game. So you can suffer and continue with your self service," I shrugged, looking out the window.

"Yer almost as fuckin' bad as Merle," he stated. I shrugged again. I had a dirty mouth and I was kind of proud of it, making me blush was crazy difficult. I didn't get scared off by anything.

"Rick and Shane were the two people I spent most of my time growing up around. It was like having _two_ rowdy older brothers instead of one."

"Didn' 'spect a doctor to be so..." he just motioned to me.

"Sexual?" I asked. He gave a small nod. "Eh, I'm not like most doctors."

"No shit."

Eventually, we pulled up in front of the CDC. I have a feeling Daryl was sick of me long before then. When this place went to shit―which it would, nothing good could last. It was like that famous poem, _Nothing Gold Can Stay_. Fuck yeah, I read shit. We made our way up to the doors and started banging on them.

"If there's anyone in there, they can see us," I said, looking at the camera above us. "If you're in there, I'm Dr. Sadie Walsh. Neurological specialist from DC. I'm a bit late, but I have a feeling you could still use some help," I said into the camera. And after a moment, the doors opened.

"Dr. Edwin Jenner," a blonde man introduced when we walked in.

"Pleasure to meet you."

"Everyone must submit to a blood test. I have to know you're not infected," he said to the group.

"Deal," I stated. I knew Rick had become our unelected leader, but this was kind of my area of expertise. I dealt with all the medical shit.

We took the elevator down and he collected blood from each of us and then we went to eat, easy. Alcohol was introduced and I had a feeling that this night wouldn't end well.

"Jenner, I'd like to see what research you have," I said.

"In the morning," he suggested. "Let's let you all get settled in."

There was idle chatter around the dinner table. People drank―I got a hold of some of my Irish heritage―Bushmills―and probably over did it, just a little. I managed to get myself into a hot shower before heading out into the hallway for some social interaction.

"Rick," I called, seeing him storm away from the rec room. His face was red and he looked pissed. Normally, I would've let him work his shit out, but the alcohol impaired my judgements. "What's up?"

"In here," he said, tugging my arm and taking me into my room. "I just found _my wife_ kissing Shane."

"They're drunk," I offered.

"It's not an excuse," he stated, still pissed.

"I think you need to cool off. Don't do anything until you're sober." That was when I noticed his hand. "Guess it's too late for that." I grabbed my whisky bottle and poured a little over his split knuckles. "Look, drunken mistakes happen. I had my fair share of drunken make-out sessions in college."

"Were they just make-out sessions?" he asked, sounding sober.

"Most of the time, not that it's any of your business," I said.

"I want an honest answer," he said, looking at me, his blue eyes were determined. "Did Shane and Lori sleep together while they thought I was gone?"

"How much have you had to drink?" I tried to change the subject. I was not up for telling drunken Rick Grimes that his while had been whoring around while he was supposedly dead.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he stood up, looking me dead in the eyes. I supposed my lack of response was enough.

"Shane made me promise."

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" he asked. Then suddenly, I felt him press his lips to mine for all of half a second.

"Well not that!" I exclaimed. "Rick, I get that you're pissed, but you will not get back at Lori with me."

"That's not what I was trying to do."

"Bull shit it wasn't. You need to sleep," I took his arm and led him towards the bed. "Sleep."

"Sadie."

"Sleep, Goddammit." I threw a blanket over him and headed back into the hallway. I went towards the kitchen. I sat on the table and went back to my whisky. I could not call whatever that was with Rick a kiss. God no. He's drunk and delusional right now. That meant nothing. I wouldn't want it to mean anything. This would be a shitty time for a relationship. Hell, at least I could learn from my brother's mistakes.

"An' you!" Daryl was beyond drunk when he pointed at me. Fucking great. Just what I needed. A drunk, hotheaded redneck. "Y'know why yer always sayin' sexual shit ta all of us?"

"Sorry, Dr. Dixon, but I don't need a therapy session," I stated.

"Yer afraid."

"And you aren't?" I said. How dare he? We werestuck. Neither of our drunken selves had anything to say for ourselves. Somehow, we both knew. We had issues that ran much more than surface deep. Daryl and my drunken personas did not need to be near each other. "I'm gonna go to fuckin' bed," I stated, leaving before things could get heated. I didn't want to go into any of my issues―not tonight, not ever. Not with Daryl or anyone. My issues were my issues. I didn't need anyone to understand me. Nor did I want any one too.

 **AN: Well, it's one o'clock in the morning as I write this. I have to be up in six hours for my eight o'clock class. I shouldn't have wrote this right now, but I got this inspiration, and it just kept flowing. So, there you have it. I love reading reviews. Sadie got to have a bit of interaction with both Rick and Daryl this chapter, as well as Shane. I hope you liked it!**


	4. Chapter 4

"Move your ass," I murmured, shoving Rick from my side of the bed. Yeah, I knew this was fucked up. A married guy asleep in my bed. It wasn't like I planned on taking advantage of him in his drunken state―or at all. Sure, Rick was a good guy, but, he was also a married guy. I couldn't look at him like that. It was wrong. Even if I would love to see if he had a kinky side.

"Cuddle with me," he said, grabbing me around my waist.

"Rick, you're drunk," I said.

"No, 'm not," he said, cuddling me closer.

"Rick, get off of me," I sat up. When he looked at me, I could see that he was still drunk. He still had a slightly dazed look in his eyes. He was definitely drunk. I got out of the bed. "I'm going to sleep in the rec room," I walked in and found Shane. His back was to me and I had the chance to leave. Part of me really wanted to. I should. I didn't feel like getting into his shit right now. Plus, I knew that Shane and I got along even worse when the two of us were drunk. I went back to the dining area―where I knew Daryl was and sighed. He was the lesser of the evils. It was either fight was Shane―and that could go really terribly, go to my bed where a very drunk, married guy was trying to cuddle with me, or sit in the dining room with a brutally honest redneck. I suppose he won.

"Yer back. Thought ya stormed off an' was goin' ta bed," he stated, taking another swig of his drink.

"Yeah, well I'm back. Deal with it."

"'S a free fuckin' country," he stated.

"Yeah, it is," I replied, watching him carefully. "Have you ever been this much opposed to talking to other people." I was kind of the same why, so I didn't know why I was trying to start shit. I guessed my drunken self was into drunken brawls.

"Ain't 'possed. Jus' don' need nobody."

"That was when you had your brother, somebody to count on," I told him.

"'M fine on my own."

"I wish I was strong like you, then. I mean, hell, my brother's still here but I know I'm alone. And I don't even know why I'm here. Half the time, I start to think that I should just let those things get me. I'm of no use to anybody alive, anyway."

Daryl looked at me and the weight of my words hit me. Shit. I didn't admit these things to people―not sober, anyway. Whenever I get drunk, I'm bad about this. Fuck. I just say anything that's on my mind and it's not okay. Nobody needs to hear my shit. Fuck my honesty. I wished I could keep myself under the illusion that everything was fine and that I was completely okay. "This is some heavy shit, man," I said. "I'm sorry."

"I get it," he said. "'M just doin' what I've always done. Survive."

"Well I don't want to just survive. I want a fucking purpose. A reason that keeps me living," I said. "Maybe I'll have that here, maybe I can help find a cure for this shit..." I said. "But probably not. Do you think that there's a cure?" I asked.

"Dunno. Don't there 'ave to be?"

"Usually...Viruses tend to have cures. A lot of times, there's someone who is immune."

"Ya think someone is?"

"They've gotta be...That's why everyone is different―I think. But the problem is that we can't find someone who is immune while being in here. Shit, Daryl, I don't know. I really just don't know."

I was surprised that we were having such a normal conversation. Considering the amount of alcohol we had each ingested.

"Why didn't ya go back ta bed?" he asked, being serious.

"Rick's in my bed," I said. He looked at me, question on his features. "We didn't fuck, if that's what you're asking, I'm not so much into fucking someone who's took drunk to get me off. He's pissed at Lori and he kissed me, but I made him go to bed. And I didn't get sleep in the Rec room because my brother is in there. I really don't want to talk to him."

"So ya don' got a place ta go."

"Not really," I said. "But I'll be fine. I'll sleep in ehre on the floor."

"Can take my bed," he offered.

"I wouldn't do that Daryl. Go to sleep," I said. I went to lay on the floor in the dining area and he rolled his eyes.

"Stubborn ass."

XxX

Fuck Jenner. Fuck this place. I was hungover out of my mind and ready to punch someone anyway, why not let it be the asshole who doomed us. We were going to fucking die in the Goddamn CDC all because he wouldn't let us out of this place.

"Jenner," I said, my tone determined and angry. "We need to have a word," I said through gritted teeth.

"Sadie Walsh," he said. "You were supposed to be here from the beginning, weren't you?"

"Yeah. What's it matter now? Because of you, I'm going to die here. Just like the rest of my group."

"I want you to know something..." he said, seeming to be watching me. I hated this man. I _hated_ him. Sure, I didn't care so much about what happened to me, but Carl and Sofia...they deserved to live―even if it was in this practical hell. They were just kids, after all.

"Well spill it. We don't have all day."

"This illness, it gets to people. No matter how they die. Even if they aren't bitten, they turn."

"Fucking great. It would be nice for the rest of the world to know this, y'know?" Part of me wanted to tell the group, but in all honesty, they would flip their shit. I was conflicted on this particular topic.

"It's too late for that," he said. And I did it. I punched him in the face. I felt a crack beneath my knuckles and I was sure I had broken his nose―I was positive I had when I saw blood running down his face. Good. Bastard. Child killer. I walked back to the group and I felt my hand throb. Shit. That hurt. Shane had gotten into many fights in his day. But he had never talked about his hand hurting like this. I shook it, hoping that it would help, but no such luck. That actually made it worse. Fuck everything. But I'd be dammed if I didn't do that. He deserved it, keeping us in here, trapped like rats. We weren't some sort of science experiment that could just be watched or whatever his end game was with this.

"You okay?" Rick asked, concern evident in his face.

"Fucking fantastic," I said. "I mean we're gonna die so that's great. Y'know, best day ever."

"Your hand," he said, seeing the blood.

"Oh, that's not my blood. Jenner's actually. That son of a bitch."

"Oh," he said.

"I broke his nose," I replied. I decided that I needed to tell Rick what Jenner had just told me. "By the way, this _thing_ , this disease, it's in all of us. So that's fucking wonderful."

After much convincing, we made it out of the CDC. Just barely. I was surprised but we made it, we really made it.

 **AN: Again, I don't usually update multiple days in the row, but it's Friday, and I thought, why not? I really like updating on Fridays and Saturdays, but I know I can't update tomorrow. I have a crap ton of homework (with it being finals week next week and all). So with that being said, I updated today. Please leave me your thoughts on the honest drunk that Sadie is. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

We all parked in a clearing in the woods, it was time to consolidate vehicles. Daryl was retiring his truck, Shane his jeep. Where the hell was I supposed to go. I saw Daryl get his motorcycle down from the back of the truck and I really wanted to ride there. It would keep me away from the rest of the group―but I didn't want to ask him. It seemed like too much physical contact for my liking, anyway, probably his too. Guess I was joining my brother in the RV. I climbed in, not asking, and threw my bag on one of the chairs.

"Hey," Glenn greeted.

"Sup," I replied. "Guess I'm joining you guys," I said.

"Sounds good," he replied. "We haven't talked much," he added.

"I haven't talked much to anyone," I replied, being completely honest.

"One of the things that makes you intimidating," he laughed, sounding kind of nervously.

"I'm intimidating?" I asked, seriously wondering. I supposed that I could be kind of scary, granted that I gave off the vibe that I would punch you in the throat if you spoke to me or even looked at me the wrong way.

"Well...yeah. One, you're a badass, and two, you have this whole silent-but-don't-piss-me-off thing going." Like I said. I mean it made since. I wondered if the rest of the group thought of me like that too. Possibly. Oh well, I was me, and that was all there was to it.

"Yeah, don't do that," I said, straight faced.

"Really, don't do that," Shane said. "'M not 'fraid to admit even 'm scared of 'er."

"Well," Glenn said, sounding a little nervous.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you―if you don't start shit," I looked at Shane. "This asshole pushes my buttons."

"And she takes advantage of the fact that I won't hit a girl."

I flipped him off as Dale came into the RV and got in the driver seat. "No fighting, kids," he said, doing do. Shane stuck his tongue out at me from one of the bench seat of the dining table.

"Fuck off, Walsh," I said, crossing my legs on the couch.

"Sisters, the biggest assholes of the world," Shane mumbled.

"No kidding," Glenn replied.

"I know what that's like. Shane's a little bitch."

Andrea sat facing Shane and I saw his face soften as he looked at her.

"Sorry," Shane said, realising what we had done.

"Shit, I'm sorry."

Shit, I forgot about Andrea loosing Amy. I felt for her, but it wasn't really my concern...I didn't even know the girl. I knew that she was kind of gossipy, but that was about it. I didn't know anything about anyone, really. But did I want to?

"So where were you when it all happened?" Glenn asked, changing the subject.  
"On my way down from DC," I said. "You?"

"Wait, did you live up there?"

"Yeah, but the CDC had called me down from DC to help. I just didn't make it that far before I ran into Shane," I explained.

"I was a pizza boy in Atlanta. Happened to get out of the city before they bombed it," Glenn said.

"What about you, Dale?" I asked. God, I was trying. This was weird. I didn't need friends, I really didn't. But, at the same time, I wanted to have people other than Shane to go to if I needed something, so maybe I _should_ try. So what the fuck? Might as well. I just wouldn't get close to them. What was the point of that? We were all going to die soon enough anyway.

"I was on a cross-country road trip," he said. "In this very RV. Happened to be almost in the city at the time," he explained.

"Well this is one way to enjoy a vacation," I scoffed. "Good thing you had it though. Helps all of us." Right as I said that, the engine started smoking. "Goddammit," I said. Of course. Right as I was saying something good, the stupid thing had to come in and ruin it all. Fuck this RV. Fuck everything.

"Good going, Sadie," Shane said.

"Go fuck yourself," I said, getting out. We were trapped by cars anyway. Everyone gathered by the RV and I started walking towards the cars.

"Where the hell are you going?" Shane asked.

"To find shit while you all figure this out," I replied, walking off. This was their problem. I didn't know shit about cars. I could find supplies, though. I picked a nice looking SUV and climbed in the driver seat. The keys were sitting there in the ignition. It would be so easy for me to just leave. Be on my own. Then I wouldn't have to worry about making friends or ever burdening anyone else. That would make my life a hell of a lot easier, right? But then again, this SUV was stuck with all of the other cars. I opened the glove box and found a little six shooter, a pack of menthol cigarettes, and a flask. I opened the flask and took a whiff. It I wasn't mistaken, it was whisky. I put that in one of my back pockets―the cigarettes in the other, and the gun in the waistband of my pants―my gun had a holster on my hip. I looked in the backseat and found duffel bags full of clothes. I rummaged through them, but this was wear my luck ran out. The jeans were size 00 and the shirts extra small. Dammit. This would all fit Lori though. In the other bag, there was men's clothes. I didn't know the sizes, I grabbed both bags and brought them back to the RV.

"Here, I found clothes that'll probably fit you," I told Lori. She looked at me like I was speaking another language. "They're too small much for me," I added.

"I can't take these, they were someone else's."

"What? Too good for hand-me-downs?" I asked, not understanding her hesitation. What the hell was I supposed to do? Hand stitch her some clothes? Fuck her. These were some of the first words I had said to her the entire time we've been in the same group. That bitch should get off her high horse and feel lucky to have clothes on her back period.

"No, I mean...they belonged to someone...They're gone and it's not right."

"Look, Lori, I'm going to say this in the only way I know how," I said. "Those people are probably long dead. And even if they're not, they won't come back for their clothes. So just say thank you and move on, okay?" I watched her reaction. I had been as nice as I possibly could. I didn't like females. Too emotional. I got along much better with men. They could bottle up their emotions―I didn't want to talk about feelings every ten minutes. 'I feel that it's wrong to wear a dead person's clothes'. Yeah well, it's time to get the fuck over that. We've got shit to get done and Winter would be upon us in a couple of months. We needed all of the clothes we could get.

"Thanks," she said finally.

Unbelievable. I nodded and went back to looking through the cars. I found another vehicle that looked promising―a truck. I climbed up inside it and closed the door. The inside was stuffy and it smelled weird―not like rotting flesh, but not the best scent either. I went to go through the glove box, but I noticed the rear view mirror. I saw an endless amount of walkers. Well fuck me. This would not end well, that was for sure.

 **AN: There's chapter five. I tried to focus a bit more on Sadie with other characters, but if you haven't notice, she would be that kid that her teachers say doesn't play well with others. But, either way, there it is. Please review. I would love to know your thoughts on this chapter! Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 6

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I lay in the backseat of the truck, hoping that the walkers wouldn't see me or smell me. Fuck. This was bad. Really bad. What if they got to me? Or worse, what if they got to the rest of the group and not to me? What if I were to lay back here, listening to the screams of the only people that I knew to be alive? Fuck. What if they heard me and it triggered a chain reaction? And then everyone else also died?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I came up with a plan as quickly as I could. I knew what I would do. If the walkers started attacking the rest of the group, I would go out there. I would do whatever I could to save whomever I could. I didn't want them to just die and me be left here. I'd have to do something. What was the point of living if I would just end up being by myself anyway? That would be so stupid and I didn't know if I could really cope with that. I was a firm believer that with absolutely zero human interaction, I would go completely mad.

But, I was in luck. I felt like a cat with nine lives. There one of my lives went as the walkers passed. Thank fuck. I sat up slowly and saw that they were all gone. I climbed out of the truck and found out that Rick had chased Sophia and walkers into the woods. Well fuck. All we could do was wait around. I went off again to try to find anything that we could use. What else was I supposed to do? Stand around with my metaphorical dick in my hand? No thanks.

XxX

Rick had lost Sophia in the woods―in his defense, it wasn't his fault, but either way, we were spending the night on the highway. Fucking great, we could easily have another Sophia situation if we didn't watch out. Daryl had the same idea as me and he began walking the highway. I wordlessly walked beside me and he gave me a look but just went back to walking. I pulled out the pack of cigarettes and held one between my fingers before putting it between my lips. I held the pack open to Daryl. He took one and grabbed a lighter from his pocket. He lit his and looked at me.

"Wan' me ta light it?"

"I've never smoked one," I admitted. I was always into the healthy stuff. I didn't see a need to smoke cigarettes. I knew the risks to begin with.

"Then why ya got 'em?"

"I thought it would be fine time to start," I said. "Maybe lung cancer will kill me before these dead bastards do," I said darkly.

"Ptf," he scoffed. The cigarette between my lips made me think of Augustus Waters from _The Fault in Our Stars_. I know, I didn't sound like the kind of girl to read such a book, but I had. Throughout the book, he had read about how he held a cigarette between his lips because that was the thing that could kill him, but he didn't give it the power to kill him. I didn't know why, but that was the thought I had. The difference was, I chose to give it the possible power to kill me. I allowed Daryl to light the cigarette for me and I inhaled deeply. I practically coughed up a lung when I tried to inhale. How did people do this all the time? More importantly, how did they get addicted to doing this?

"Shit," I coughed. I felt like I was going to puke. This was nasty.

"Gotta make yerself finish it," he said. "If ya wanna get cancer," he suggested. I noticed his darkly humorous tone and smiled a little.

After a few more puffs, it get a little better. I didn't think I could get used to this.

"We'll find her," I said confidently. There was no question to it.

"'Course we'll find 'er. She's a little girl. Ain't gonna leave 'er out there by 'erself."

"Right," I agreed, kind of surprised that Daryl seemed so adamant about this. It was kind of...refreshing to see him in a much different light. I don't know how to explain it, it was just...nice. We walked in silence and took a moment to allow myself to relax. I knew that I shouldn't feel relaxed, especially since I was in the middle of the fucking apocalypse with the chance of dying any second. "Do you have the same thoughts about your brother being alive out there?"  
He looked at me for a long moment, kind of glaring―but then again, that was his normal face. "Merle's Merle. He ain't gonna let nothin' take 'im out. We kno' he got outta th' city."

"You think you two will run into each other again?"

"What's with the questions?" he asked.

"You don't have to answer."

"Nah, but ya still 'spect me to."

"Just never mind," I walked back the other way. Why did I do that? I wanted to make friends, I really did. Just because, this world was lonely enough and it was probably worth the pain when they died, just to have someone to care about and to care about me. God, I had turned into such a pussy since the apocalypse started. I didn't care about having friends before! I needed to get a goddamn grip on myself. I was turning into something that I certainly didn't want to be. Someone who relied on other people because when you boiled it all down, the only person you could count on was yourself.

 **AN: I am so sorry. This chapter is shit. I know. I thought I was further in the story than I am and I needed to make a filler. I started writing the next chapter before I had even started this one and I had to circle back and do this. Ugh, again, I'm sorry. That is why, I'll update either later today to tomorrow to make up for it! Please stick with me and don't let this one awful chapter turn you off of this story completely. I just really needed a filler. There will be a lot more character development next chapter. Thanks, and again, I'm sorry.**


	7. Chapter 7

What I felt didn't have words. It was one of those feelings that you couldn't explain until you had felt it yourself. I felt alone, hurt, angry, betrayed―so many different things going through my head at the same time. Fuck. Why was I even here? I had scrubbed my wrists raw while in the shower, trying to get all of the blood off. Sure, I had saved a life tonight, and that should mean something...but it didn't. I looked at my raw wrists and frowned. Part of me felt like that blood didn't belong to Carl. The blood on my hands was not the blood of the boy who I had saved, but of the man my brother had killed. I wiped off the mirror and wrapped my towel around me. I looked at myself in the mirror and that was when I lost it. It wasn't my literal reflexion I saw, I saw an empty shell. A person that had once loved saving people and had been passionate about her, work, but now looked empty. Inside, I felt as dead as the walkers were outside. Though I did not care about much, I found that I was a strong believer in the fact that one life did not hold more value than another. There wasn't a way to evenly trade someone's existence for another. That wasn't how it worked. This wasn't okay! How could my own brother do this?

Backing up to the wall, I slid down and pulled my knees to my chest and cried. I let it all out. I cried and cried. I didn't care who heard me―it wasn't like the would care anyway. Shane didn't care about me. My only flesh and blood only cared about Lori. Lori, the woman he had killed for―he could try to rationalise it, and say that he did it for Carl, but that was a bunch of bullshit. Shane had lost my respect tonight―but part of me felt responsible. I couldn't explain it, but I was the one who had asked for the supplies and I had let Otis go with Shane and a part of me knew before they even left that Shane would do whatever it took to come back with the supplies. Whether I liked it or not, he changed.

How'd I know he killed Otis? It wasn't like he had come right out and said it, but I saw it, written all over his face. Here's the thing about knowing someone for twenty eight years, you could read them, Shane was seven years older than me, but for my entire life, I had known him and he couldn't hide things from me. Plus, he brought back Otis's gun. That did not check out with his story. Dammit Shane. Who do I have now? Nobody. I was alone. I couldn't count on my brother, I knew that. I also knew that I couldn't rely on just myself. In this world, you needed somebody to have you back. And I knew I wouldn't be the only one to put two and two together about the gun. Others would realise it too. it was only a matter of time.

"Beth?" the door opened and I looked up to see Maggie, the woman I had met downstairs. She was oldest Hershel's daughter. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, realising I wasn't her sister. "You okay?" she bent down and looked at me with sad green eyes.

"I'm fine."

"Sure you are," she smiled slightly. "You should feel relieved, you saved that little boys' life."

"But your man...Otis―"

"He wouldn't have wanted to go any other way. Now c'mon, get dressed," she gave me another smile. Something about her was so...good. She seemed so genuine. Another thought ran through my mind _Shane would risk this girl's life for Lori_. I felt so betrayed by this. My brother―the only person left in this world who I had known for my entire life, would trade being around me for a piece of ass. It made me feel terrible about myself―and I wasn't one to deal with my feelings.

"You don't have to be nice to me, y'know. I'm a doctor, no matter what," I said.

"Yeah, you are a doctor, but you're also a human being who seems like they could sure use a friend."

A friend. I hadn't really had many of those. Even before this, I shut people out. I didn't need them. I didn't need to talk to other people, they were fakes who just wanted to gain your trust to stab you in the back. Fuck other people. That had always been my motto. Fuck them all. I don't need them. All I needed was me, myself, and I. Maybe someone to watch my back but, that was it. Just one person.

Instead of arguing with Maggie, I just nodded. "Okay." I had a feeling that Otis wasn't the first of their people that they had lost. She must have been through hell. At least I had only really lost one―and he was still alive.

"You can wear some of my clothes for the night. One of your group members said they forgot your bag."

"Thank you, so much...really," I told her.

"Of course," she led me to her room―me still in my towel. She dug out a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt. "There you go. That should do."

I didn't know why I did it, maybe I was craving that kindness and human contact, but I hugged her. I hugged Maggie as I stood there in my towel. She had been nothing but kind to me. And I didn't really deserve it.

XxX

Standing at the funeral for Otis, I felt like a fake. I watched as Shane told his tall tale and many of the group members seemed to believe it, but Daryl was skeptical. Good. He should be. Everyone should know the truth. My brother was an asshole. But if they knew the truth...What would happen to Shane? He may be an asshole, but he was still my brother. And as crazy as it sounded, I still cared about that asshole.

Everyone dispersed and I started towards the porch, but I felt my upper arm be grabbed and I looked over to see Shane―in all his bald headed glory―pulling me towards the side of the house.

"Ow, you egghead, stop it," I tugged my arm away and continued walking. "If you wanna fucking talk to me, just say it, Goddamn."

"Fine, let's talk," he replied.

"Talk, then," I told him once we got to the side of the house. "Wait, hold that thought," I said before he could get a word in. "I fucking know, okay? Save your breath. I'm not gonna tell anyone."

"Like you didn't tell Rick about Lori?"

"Look, he was drunk off his ass at the CDC and he asked me, I didn't answer but he already fucking knew. So bra-fucking-vo on keeping your own damn secret."

"But you're not gonna tell anyone 'bout this?"

"This whole fucking intimidation factor that you're trying to pull right now is complete and utter bullshit, Shane. I'm your sister! Your little sister! You don't fucking need to try to scare me," I said, shoving his shoulder away from me. He had gotten progressively closer. I couldn't believe he was pulling that on _me_. That fucking asshole. I was so livid. "Anyone with half a brain can figure this out."

"Sadie," he started to grab my arm again. What I did next was pure reaction, I punched him. Right in the face. And just like that, I walked away.

XxX

Maybe volunteering for watch wasn't the best idea, I was alone with my thoughts atop the RV. But, then again, this was better than being in a tent with the asshole that was my brother. I heard someone climb up the ladder and I stubbed out my cigarette.

"Sadie? Smoking?" it was Rick's voice. I breathed a sigh of relief that it hadn't been Shane. Fuck him. I still couldn't get over everything. Fucking asshole.

"I found a pack a couple days ago in a car," I shrugged. "It's kinda calming."

"I saw Shane's face," he stated and I groaned.

"So what? You came up here to lecture me about how I shouldn't punch the asshole? 'Cause he deserved it."

"No, I just wanted to ask you why you did it?"

"Because I fucking felt like it. Sibling rivalry and all that shit," I needed another cigarette, Jesus!

"Sadie..."

"If you came up here to talk about Shane, you're free to fucking go. I don't want to discuss him right now," I rolled my eyes. "Besides, I thought the two of you weren't on the best terms."

"They thought I was dead..." he said, not sounding very secure in his position.

"Yeah," I said. "So what? Did you get a free pass to fuck someone else?"

"Sadie!"

"What? It's only fair!"

"You're something else?"

"So did she?"

"Why, you offering?" he asked, giving me a look a couldn't quite read.

"In your dreams, Grimes," I smirked.

 **AN: So I personally like this chapter a lot better than the last one, I hope you do as well. We're starting to see that maybe Sadie isn't as strong as she thought she was and it's important to her. And, she may've made a friend! Yay! Go Maggie! As always, your views are always welcome and thank you to everyone who has faved/followed/reviewed!**

 **P.S. It's weird updating twice in one day (which, technically I have, the last one was up just after midnight). But I hope you enjoyed it!**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: When you wish it really was the zombie apocalypse so that you didn't have to worry about being accepted into college.**

 **I don't usually put author's notes at the beginning but here this one is. In case any of you don't know, I'm 17 and I'm stressed as can be about getting into college so I'm gonna write this chapter to get my aggression out.**

Rick Grimes had been trying to flirt with me the night before. What kind of world had I fallen into last night? Hell if I fucking know. He must've had some spoiled beans at dinner. This morning, camp was mostly quiet. There was gun training today. When we should've been looking for Sophia. That was just fucking great. There was a little kid out there lost and alone and we were teaching ourselves to use guns. Fucking brilliant. Actually, the gun training was necessary, but we should've had it WEEKS ago, like I don't know, when we first discovered you had to shoot the sons of bitches in the face? How the fuck had it just now been brought up as an issue? Sometimes I wondered how we were all even alive.

I got up from the breakfast circle―instead of the breakfast table―and went to grab a hair tie from my tent. I went inside and when I stepped out, there Rick was. Was he back to flirt with me? Would I finally get to see that kinky side?

"Hey," I greeted in an even tone.

"I wanted to apologise for last night," he said. I did not find apoligising to be kinky. Dammit. I was really hoping for whips! Damn you Rick Grimes, I knew there had to be some kink in there somewhere.

"Why?" I asked, laughing a little.

"I don't want to put you in an awkward position..." he sounded genuinely nervous.

"You wanna get into my pants? So does everyone else, it's fine, I'm used to it," I joked. He cracked a soft smile. "But in all seriousness, I don't want to do this soap opera shit. During a fucking zombie apocalypse is no place to start a relationship anyway. Plus, you're married." He shrugged a little. "But hey, I have needs too. Give it a while and we can see where that goes," I walked away, not giving him a chance to say anything else. Did I mean it? Or was it just a part of my humour? Hell if I knew. Oh well. I mean give it enough time and anybody would feel the need to jump into bed. It was human nature. But I did respect marriage. No matter what, Rick and Lori were married, meaning I couldn't sleep with him.

"Wait," Rick called after me. I paused, not turning around. "Are you going to gun training?"

"Only if you're going to give me a private lesson," I winked, smirking. But it was just a joke. He was married. I had to remind myself of that. "Now tell me, honestly, why the hell would I go to gun training? Go teach your wife how to protect herself other than spreading her legs!" I continued walking. I got a rifle from the RV and headed out into the woods. I didn't need a stupid map or plan. I was fine on my own.

XxX

After the whole day of having no luck, I headed back. The sun was going down and I should probably eat something. I kind of wished I knew more about edible plants and things. I kind of didn't want to go back to camp, but I was hungry.

When I walked back, I came across Daryl at his camp, alone. "Any luck?" he asked, looking up from cleaning his arrows.

"Nope. How about you? I assume you weren't at gun training."

"Nothin'," he said.

"She's out there. It's just a matter of finding where."

"I don' get ya."

"I don't get you either so I guess we're even," I smiled.

"Ya ain't nice to people yet yer out there lookin' fer the kid."

"Same with you, Daryl. If you haven't noticed, you and I have a lot in common. Except, instead of analysing everyone and not saying anything, I speak my mind and some people may hate me for it but I don't get a fuck." I supposed he didn't really give a fuck what other people thought either. He just avoided them instead of occasionally trying to provoke them, like I did.

"Yer somethin'."

"I've heard that somewhere," I thought back to last night. "Unlike you, though, if I didn't previously know people in the group, I feel like I would've left. Shane may be the biggest asshole on the face of the Earth but he's blood."

"Sounds like Merle," he mumbled.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I'm going to go grab food."

"It's in th'house. They decided ta make dinner fer Hershel an' his family."

"Oh, thanks."

I went into the house and everyone was already seated. Maggie, without hesitation, pulled up a chair next to her and grabbed an extra plate from the kitchen. She gave me a warm, welcoming smile. Which, was more than most of the group gave me. They could fuck off. I didn't really need anyone. And it wasn't like I had even spent time with most of them.

"We weren't sure if you were comin'," Rick explained.

"I was just looking for Sophia. Lost track of time," I shrugged.

"Thank you," Carol said quietly. I nodded as started to put food on my plate and ate in awkward silence. "I'm gonna make a plate for Daryl," Carol said as she began doing so. Mostly everyone had finished eating and started to clear out, Maggie started gathering the dishes and I helped her without a word.

"I had sex with Glenn," she blurted out when it was just she and I.

"Really?" I asked in surprise. Good for him. Good for both of them, actually. Just because I didn't want anything to do with any of the guys in the group at this moment didn't mean everyone else had to share my views. "Was it good sex?"

"Not bad," she replied. "It was pretty good, actually," she grinned. "We went to the pharmacy and found condoms and...it just happened."

"Good for you two. Are you going to do it again?"

"Maybe," she said. "We'll see where it goes. It was just kind of spur of the moment."

"As I imagine it would be." I liked this. I didn't really have any female friends before, but Maggie was a nice person and I don't know, this just kind of felt normal. Part of me missed normal.

"What about you? You gonna have any spur of the moment experiences?"

"Not any time soon," I laughed. "Besides, what choices are really there?" I laughed. The only two that I could really even consider were Rick and Daryl. Shane was my brother and he was an ass anyway, Glenn was there, but he was like a kid to me―though we were probably close to the same age. Plus, Rick was married. Daryl was so closed off that I didn't know if I could even get him into bed! What if Daryl was Asexual? He didn't seem to have a desire to be with anyone in the group...Options were so limited, though. For both parties. I mean, if Daryl wanted to be with any of the girls in the group, he didn't have options either. Me, Andrea, Carol...Maggie was now sleeping with Glenn, Beth had a boyfriend. There wasn't anyone else! So much for this group taking part in the repopulation of the Earth. I didn't want to be part of the repopulation anyway...but damn.

"That's kinda true. There's...Daryl? That's his name, right? The one with the crossbow?" Maggie suggested. I supposed she must have some sort of mind reading abilities. he had been who my inner monologue had been about.

"Yeah, that's him. But he's just as, if not more, anti-social than me." I laughed, knowing it was true. We were very similar to each other in a lot of ways. "Why are we talking about me, anyway? You're the one who got laid today!"

 **AN: I don't even know, honestly. I have no clue what I think of this chapter, it might be really weird and I just don't know. I hope you all liked it. Feel free to let me know one way or another. But if you absolutely hate everything, don't be an asshole about telling me, that's all I ask.**


	9. Chapter 9

"That selfish, insensitive, evil, baby killer!" Maggie exclaimed, pacing about her room while I sat on the bed. She had just finished her tale of she and Glenn's most recent trip to the pharmacy. Lori had asked Glenn to bring back morning after pills because apparently, she was pregnant. "I don't believe in abortion, Sadie. Even in this world." Not only that, Maggie had almost been killed by one of the walkers on this trip. She almost died because Lori didn't want to have a baby. If you had sex, there was always a chance that you could get pregnant. That was one of the reasons that I was choosy about who I slept with. That and I didn't want just anyone inside of me. I did have standards!

"She should not have you guys risking your asses for that," I already didn't have much respect for Lori. There were many reasons for that, not just fucking my brother after she found out her husband was dead―well, mainly that. But she was also weak. Very weak. She needed to toughen up and that would not happen with Glenn playing errand boy for her.

"No, she shouldn't! If she's not prepared to have a baby, she shouldn't be having sex. Or, she should be more careful! Glenn and I used a condom!" My thoughts exactly! Maggie got it. Even though condoms weren't 100% safe.

"It's my brother's," I blurted. Mathematically, it was more likely, if Lori had just found out, that would mean that the symptoms would have to be getting more obvious and the further along she was, the more likely it was Shane's, given that Rick was in a coma for about two weeks before this all happened. "It might be, I mean...Well more like probably is."

"You're kidding," Maggie looked at me in shock and I just shook my head. "I can't believe this!" she threw her hands up. "She's _married_."

From what I had gathered, all of Hershel's family was religious. Maggie seemed to follow a lot of those views, causing me to understand her outrage with Lori. I wasn't necessarily against abortion, but I wasn't really for it either. To each their own, honestly. If something did not directly influence my life, I found that there was no reason to cause a big fuss about it, speaking in terms of major issues, that was. Now, if when the world had been what it once was, if they had tried to outlaw caffeine, I have a feeling that would be an issue that I would be strongly against.

XxX

I opened my eyes and realised that dawn had yet to break. It was early. Too early. I should return to my slumber; however, I heard crying. I could go back to sleep and pretend that I hadn't but, I chose the more difficult option. I exited the tent and found Carol sobbing by the fire. "Hey," I said softly. I was not going soft, I promise. I just...I don't know I felt bad for her. Her daughter was missing―I never had any children so I couldn't fully understand how she felt. But I tried to imagine. And I imagined it would fucking suck.

"It's just..." she sobbed.

"I know," I tried to comfort her with a hug. She hugged me tightly. After a few moments, I pulled back and looked her straight in the eye.

"We are doing exactly everything that we can to find her," I said. "Daryl got shot to find your daughter. We will find her."

"But if we don't find her, I have no one."

"That's not true," I gave her a sad smile. "You've got everyone in this group. They're all here for you."

"Sadie...thank you," she gave the smallest of smiles and I nodded. Soon, everyone gathered for breakfast and Glenn had quite an interesting announcement. There were walkers in the barn. Fucking great. Just what I loved to hear. There were walkers that close to our camp. I had slept here! I grabbed my gun from the RV. But that wasn't all I had learned at breakfast, apparently we had lost Dale last night. How had I missed that? Apparently I slept through it...Well fuck. I felt bad for not knowing about any of this. I left camp, heading into the woods, just to be away from everyone.

XxX

There were walkers in the barn. Fuck. I rose from the fire pit and started to walk away. I only made it a few paces before I felt someone's hand on my arm. I jerked my arm away and turned to meet their eyes. The dark brown coloured eyes that I had known for my entire life. Inwardly, I groaned in frustration. Leave me alone!

"You knew 'bout this?" Shane asked, I wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question, so I answered anyway.

"No, Shane, I didn't know that the entire camp was in danger."

"Ya sure? Seems ta me that yer closer ta Hershel's family than ya 're yer own." He was an asshole. Just because I had made friends with Maggie, he was trying to throw it back in my face.

"What family?" I snapped at him. He looked slightly surprised before snapping out of it and giving me a solid glare.

"Me, Sadie. 'M all you got left. I'm the only one who cares about you at all. I'm the only one who cares if you live or die. Nobody else in this camp or anywhere will care 'bout you."

"What makes you so Goddamn sure of yourself?" I challenged.

"You've met you. Ya ain't the nicest person, hell yer kinda a major bitch."

Excuse the fuck outta me. Who the hell did he think he was? I punched him, for the second time since we had arrived at Hershel's. "Go to hell, Shane," I stormed out of there as fast as I possibly could. I had almost made it completely into the woods when another hand landed on my arm. I pulled away again and I knew that this one wasn't Shane.

"Ya a'right?" Daryl's gruff voice asked. I met his blue eyes and I lost it.

"He's right," I sobbed, disregarding the fact that Daryl did not do the whole touchy-feely thing, I latched onto him and cried.

"Who?" he asked, his hands hovering above me, not quite hugging me back.

Realising, how weak I had just become, I pulled away quickly. I couldn't allow myself to cry like this. Not to anyone! I needed to be strong and hide my sadness in silence. Besides, Daryl wouldn't care about me. That just wan't something that would ever happen. Nobody could care about me. "It doesn't matter," I told him. I hurried into the woods, wanting to go far, far from him. Not just him, everyone.

All I had on me was my knife, but it didn't matter. What was the worst that could happen? A walker get me? Oh fucking well. I didn't even matter that much. I wiped my eyes and before I knew it, there was a walker with its arms reaching out, trying to get me, quite close, almost able to reach me. I grabbed for my knife, but before I could, an arrow went through the walker's head.

"Are you following me?" I turned, giving Daryl a dirty look.

"Th'hell 're ya doin'!" he said, looking at me like I was off my rocker.

"You didn't have to do that."

"We can' 'ave ya gettin' killed," he said.

"And just why is that?" I asked. "Nobody gives a shit about me anyway!"

"Th'hell gives ya that idea?"

"My very own fucking brother."

"Yer brother's a fuckin' worthless asshole! Yer a doctor! Ya coul' be th' most 'portant person 'ere!"

"Yeah right. I'm just some bitch."

"Fuckin' stop it, righ' now. Stop tryin' ta get yerself killed killed 'cause whether ya like it or not, the group needs ya."

"Hershel's a vet. He's more than capable of doing all the things I can. I don't matter."

"Could ya fuckin' open yer eyes! I ain't gonna stand 'ere all day jus' ta tell ya how much I―we want ya 'round. We don't got time fer ya ta stand 'ere an' feel sorry fer yerself. Grow a pair and get over what yer piece of a shit brother said. He don' matter but ya do!"

Holy hell. I just got a motivation speech from Daryl fucking Dixon. And what a speech it was. Fuck me. He started back towards camp and I followed. "Thank you," I murmured and he nodded. Feeling more like myself, I smirked a little. "It's nice to know that _you_ want me around," I smirked.

"Shut it," he said.

"Is Daryl Dixon a little sweet on me?" I continued to smirk.

"I tol' ya ta hush."

"Make me," I smirked and he glared, but I just grinned.

 **AN: So there's that. I hope you all liked it. One thing that I am worried about is that Sadie is appearing too weak. She'll be stronger in chapters to come...I really hope the bit with she and Daryl was done okay.**


	10. Chapter 10

Sophia. There she lay. Walkers all around her. All of them had died their second death and she was among them. Dead. Twice over. I tried to block what it must have been like to be her from my mind. Scared. Alone. Bitten. She was so young. She wasn't ready to die. This wasn't fair. I knew how much this meant to, well everyone―except Shane. If we could have found this little girl alive, there would have been hope for the group. Not only had we lost her, we were kicked while we were down to find her as a walker. I tried to hurry away from the scene quickly and Rick met my eye. Somehow, I sensed that he needed someone to talk to. I motioned with his head for him to follow me. I got into the driver seat of the green car and he followed. I started the engine and pulled out of the driveway. He needed to be alone and share his thoughts with someone. I knew that this was a lot to handle. Rick Grimes, a father, had just put the bullet in the head of a once living twelve year-old girl. This was not something a normal human should have to live through.

"She's been there the whole time," he broke the silence that had consumed the air around us, shock evident in his voice.

"I know," I replied, chewing on my lip.

"That could've been Carl."

"But it wasn't."

"But it could've been," he frowned. I reached over, gripping his hand tightly.

"Rick, look at me, I know you," I pulled the car onto the shoulder. "You're going to sit there and blame yourself, but you cannot do that. You're a decent human being and this is not your fault. You did everything you could. Sophia was not prepared for this world. Something we all need to work on is making ourselves prepared. Carl is on the road to being able to handle himself. That should be your focus," I gave him a small smile and he hung his head slightly. "Rick Grimes, you stop it right now! I mean it. My Grandma Jean would slap you silly if she knew you were beating yourself up so much. Stop it!" I also knew how he what he was feeling because I was very similar. I wished I had been out there looking for her much sooner. Like right when it happened. Maybe then she would have stood a chance against the walkers. I could not stop thinking about what had happened to her. Had she turned and then Hershel caught her? Had she snuck into the barn, looking for haven? Either way, she died scared and alone. She did not deserve such a death.

"Sadie, I can't be their leader. Not when shit like this happens."

"They picked you as their leader. You have a good heart and you can handle this," I squeezed his hand with my own and he finally looked up to meet my eyes. He looked almost defeated. Where the hell was the fire in his eyes? He needed that fire to take on the rest of this shitty world in which we all lived.

"You should be the leader. You're smart and brave," he told me. He was so different from any Rick Grimes I had ever seen.

"I lack the people skills for the job," I laughed uneasily, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and I knew it was coming. Before it even happened, I knew what he was going to do. I had the chance to stop him and maybe I should have, but I didn't. His lips touched to mine ever so gently and I kissed him back. I did this because I wanted to. I wanted to be close like this to someone. I hadn't bothered to sort out if I felt anything more for Rick than what I always had. I just wanted to share a kiss with someone. That was the only way I could justify my actions.

"I'm sorry," he said right after.

"I wanted you to," I shrugged. "Even though it shouldn't have happened."

"Lori's pregnant."

He was lucky I already knew. "I know."

"How do you know?" he asked, looking at me slightly angry.

"Maggie swore me to secrecy. She and Glenn got her the test. And the morning after pills."

"You knew about those too? And you didn't tell me?" he asked, progressively getting more angry.

"Rick, what was I supposed to you! You fucking know me, okay? I don't get involved in other people's shit. I don't exactly what to be a part of the you/Lori/Shane shit that's happening."

"There is not Shane in this equation. There is Lori and I, me and my wife."

"Yeah, that's why you're out here kissing some other woman," I snapped.

"That's not fair, Sadie, and you know it."

"Why the hell not? Because you can get pissed at me over something but I can't react the same to you. You and your double standard bull shit. Same with you getting pissed at Lori and Shane when we basically did the same thing!"

"Those are two different things!" and they were. I knew that. I wasn't stupid. I was just a defensive asshole. Rick still loved his wife. That was why I couldn't sort out if there was another reason I wanted to kiss him. I didn't want to go after a married man. I wasn't a complete savage. Even if all I ended up wanting was a good fuck. He was still a married man.

"Let's just get back to the farm," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Why do you do that? Shut down like that?"

"Because I have to," I said.

"Or what? You afraid you might feel something for someone?"

"Rick, we are not having this discussion. You're clearly still married, oh and you have a baby on the way."

"Might not even be mine," he grumbled.

"And what's the alternative to it being yours? _Shane_ raising a baby! Ha! That's almost as bad as _me_ being a mother!" I pulled into the farm and quickly exited the car, slamming the door. I really didn't know where to go or what to do. There were people everywhere. All I wanted was to be alone. Away from people who would ask me stupid questions and piss me off.

I hurried to the tent I was still sharing with my brother, grabbed my things and went over to Daryl's camp―which he had moved a few more paces away.

"I need a place to sleep," I said, dropping my bag. He barely even looked up.

"'M sure they got room in the RV."

"Yeah, asshole, I'm aware they probably have room in there. But Andrea sleeps there. No thanks. I'd rather sleep near your smelly ass. Do you ever bathe?"

"Ya done tryin' ta piss me off yet?"

"You done being a pain in the ass yet?" I countered. He rolled his eyes at my childishness.

"Ya touch any of my shit an' ya can go stay with Andrea."

"Sounds like a plan, man," I said, tossing my bag into the tent.

XxX

"Where's all yer shit?" Shane asked as I walked towards the tents later that day―after the barn clean up. That was what he was concerned about? Not how he had released the walkers from the barn?

"Daryl's tent," I said.

"Ya think sleepin' with him is gonna keep ya safe?" he asked.

What was his problem? We used to get a long. A little bit, at least. "It sure worked for Lori," I snapped. I knew, I was being an asshole. I had just kissed Rick. I was practically the same as my brother. I was a fucking hypocrite. But whatever...nobody knew about Rick and I kissing so that made it okay, right? No. Fuck. Why was I trying to kid myself. I was an asshole home wrecker just like Shane. No, I was worse. I knew that pregnant Lori was alive and well. Fuck me. I felt like a whore. Why did I let that happen?

"Sadie―"

"Save it, okay? Your concern for my life is unhealthy. I'm a grown ass adult. Worry about your pregnant ex-lover," I said, walking off.

 **AN: I felt inspired. Even though I'm not feelin' too much love from all of you :( I'd love to read some reviews. I might give you some early [Insert gift giving December holiday of your choice] gifts. Thanks!**

 **There are plenty of things to bring up in this chapter...Rick kissing Sadie, Sadie moving in with Daryl, Shane's typical asshole actions. Your choice!**


	11. Chapter 11

"Sadie," Lori's voice called behind me. I turned and frowned. What the hell did she want? I didn't time for her needy, whiney shit! She was not my problem. Just leave me alone!

"Yeah?" I asked. I had been headed to Daryl's camp to just enjoy the silence until she interrupted me. In all fairness, I would hate her even if everything with Shane hadn't happened. She was kind of needy and annoying. I knew that she and I could never be friends. She was the exact type of person that I tried to avoid like the plague. She was someone who would gossip and look down on others. And, for someone who had been a house wife for the past twelve or more years, she did very minimal chores back at the Atlanta camp. I was still a little salty about the maid detail I was put on, if you couldn't tell. Where as Lori, the queen bee, didn't have to do all of that stuff. She could go off in the woods and fuck whomever she wanted.

"Rick isn't back yet," she said, and she said it was my problem. What the hell? What did I look like? Rick's keeper? How was I supposed to help in this situation? Was I supposed to gasp and say something witty in French? Was I supposed to spring into action and lead a Scooby Doo mystery adventure to find him? Honestly, what the hell, Lori?

"Okay," I replied, unsure of where to go with that. What did she want from me? Shit, she wanted me to go after him, didn't she?

"Will you go bring him back? He went into the town and―" Fuck! I was not Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, or Scooby. This was not my job. Fuck that. He could bring himself back!

"Lori, Rick is a big boy. He doesn't need me to go fetch him."

"I'm aware that Rick is a grown man," she put her hands on her hips. "But he could need some help."

"So go about asking me in a different way! Jesus Christ! What the hell makes you think you can just boss me around like that? No matter how you look at things, your husband is not my responsibility," I clenched my jaw. Hating that she thought that she could boss anyone in camp around just because Rick was the leader. "Why don't you ask _Shane_?" I glared at her. She threw up her hands and walked away. Bye bitch. Rick would be back. That was how he always was, he'd be back. He did not need me to go off and fetch him.

I just rolled my eyes and climbed up the RV to sit on watch. Shane sat in the lawn chair and I sat down next to him. "Sex with Lori must've been real good to put up with her shit."

I saw him shoot me a look and I ignored it. "The hell's that supposed to mean?" Just like it sounds, duh, I thought to myself. She's a bitch, but she must have been good in bed for you to put up with her.

"She gets on my nerves. That's all."

"Everyone gets on your nerves," he stated. Here's the thing, he was not wrong.

"Yeah, that's true."

"Are we good?" he asked. "I know I'm an asshole an' yer my sister."

"Yeah, that doesn't mean I'll stop giving you shit, though."

"That kinda comes with the title of little sister, doesn't it?" he gave a grin and I nodded a little.

XxX

"Sadie," I opened my eyes and heard someone calling me from outside the tent. I sat up and crawled out of my sleeping bag. I double checked to make sure all of the buttons on my flannel were done and I pulled on my worn leather boots before opening the flap.

"Yeah?" I asked. It was so early in the morning―or maybe it was late at night, I turned in early.

"Can you come take a look at Lori?" Shane asked. "She was in an accident."

"Accident?" I asked pulling my blonde hair into a bun. "What kind of accident?"

"Car accident."

I followed Shane into the house and Lori was sitting on the bed in the guest room. Lori looked slightly beat up and bruised. I was too tired to ask for details, so I just examined her as best I could. She seemed okay to me.

"Nothing but a minor concussion and the obvious flesh wounds, you'll live."

"Thank you," she said.

"So whatcha do? Go look for him yourself?" she gave me a dirty look. "Hey, you've got bigger balls than I thought you did, the execution seemed poor though," I stated. I was nothing if not brutally honest.

"The baby...? Can you...Check on it?"

"The best I can do is listen for a heart beat. I don't know much about delivering babies, to be honest. I've only done it once―they usually had an OB/GYN come in if a mother came into the ER." I wasn't a complete savage. I wouldn't be mean to a mother who was worried about her child. I got Hershel's stethoscope and Lori leaned back on the bed before lifting her shirt. I pressed the stethoscope to her stomach and moved it around. When I found the heartbeat, I nodded a little. I couldn't help the small smile on my face. "I hear the heartbeat. I can't know anything else for sure, but all seems well. Would you like to hear?" Lori nodded and I took the stethoscope from my ears and gave it to her. I wasn't a total heartless bitch. Just because I didn't like Lori, didn't mean that I couldn't be professional. This was her baby, after all.

 **AN: Hey, I'm sorry it's really short. I'm super sick right now and I've tried to work on this chapter for three hours (usually it doesn't take me nearly that long to write something!). I think I'm getting a case of writer's block so if anyone has ideas, feel free to PM me or leave them as a review. Thank all of you for your lovely reviews. They make me so happy and it made me want to get this short little bit out for you all. Thanks again :)**


	12. Chapter 12

Rick, Glenn, and Hershel had returned. But they brought someone else with them. Some random kid that they had found on there travels, his leg had gone through the fence post or something. His name was Randall. He was from some other group. I sat at Daryl's camp, sharpening arrows. Daryl had shown me how earlier and I was doing it because I had nothing better to do and it would at least help out. I mean, after all, I was sleeping in Daryl's tent at night. I had offered to fix him up when he arrived, but Hershel insisted he could do it. He was a veterinarian, so I supposed he was medically qualified enough. Oh well. Apparently this wasn't my job right now, and as much as I liked being a doctor, I was fine with it.

Currently, Daryl was talking to this new group member, but being as Daryl was not much of a talker, I had a feeling that something other than talking was going on. Something more along the lines of talking with his fists. Or, it could be the intimidation factor. I had noticed, when Rick returned, he didn't look me in the eye. Maybe that was better. I didn't want to talk about what had happened. It was a mistake. It should not have happened. Bottom line, he was married and cheating.

I saw Daryl walking back from the barn, blood dripping from his knuckles. I stilled my knife and met his blue eyes. "It ain't mine," was all he said. Like I said, there had not been much talking in the barn. Just Daryl beating up the kid instead of talking.

"Let me―"

"I got it," he grabbed a rag and wiped his hands off. I saw a couple of cuts on his knuckles.

I grabbed rubbing alcohol from my bag in the tent and came back out. "Sit," I commanded.

"'M fine."

"I don't give a fuck. Sit your ass down. You don't know what sort of diseases he could have." He grumbled something before having a seat. "Good Daryl," I squatted down and cleaned his knuckles.

"Whatever ya do, stay 'way from 'im. He's not good, a'right?"

"I can take care of myself," I stated.

"So can I," he looked at his knuckles.

"Eh," I shrugged. "But you like when I touch you," he pulled his hands away, just as I knew he would. "It is sweet that you're trying to protect me, though. They said chivalry was dead."

"Don' ya have somethin' better ta do?"

"Aw, c'mon, Daryl. You know you want me to be right here with you. Why else would you let me sleep in your tent?"

"'Cause."

"Good answer Daryl," I smirked. "If you just went for it, I'm sure we could have great sex, let's be honest. I bet you're very dominate. I kinda like when a guy dominates me in bed. It's really fucking hot." He wouldn't meet my eyes and I grinned a little. Why did I get so much enjoyment out of making Daryl squirm? It was honestly great.

I headed towards the house and Maggie caught my attention. "Daddy's going to let all of you move into the house for the Winter," she said, smiling.

"That's good!" I said. "It's going to be cramped with a hell of a lot of people that I don't particularly like, but y'know."

"C'mon, who do you really even like?" she smirked a little.

"That's fair...There's you...Daryl...I don't mind Glenn. Rick's alright from time to time...and...um that's about it." I laughed. Wow, I really did not like many people. "Carol's okay too." Really though, the people that I had most of my conversations with were Maggie, Daryl, and Rick. Shane worked his way in there but that was mostly just to be a pain in my ass. Even if I still loved the sorry bastard. But that was a different thing. I really hated sharing any sort of small space with my brother. It was like he would infect you with his jerk disease if you were around him for too long.

"Short list, glad to be on it, though. You can always sleep in my room."

"God, I haven't had a girl roommate since Freshman year of college."

"Only Freshman year?"

"I got my own apartment after that. Plus my roommate that year was a raging bitch."

"Well lucky for you, I'm not a raging bitch."

"So I've noticed."

XxX

"We should talk," Rick said. I was sitting on watch that night and he had climbed the ladder of the RV.

"No, we really shouldn't. There isn't anything to talk about."

"Sure there is."

"No, Rick, there isn't. What happened, it happened, but it shouldn't have. So that's that."

"Fair enough," he said. "I'm glad it happened though."

"How can you be glad? You _cheated_ on your wife!"

"Who cheated on my first."

"That is irrelevant. I might make a lot of jokes, but I do not condone cheating."

"I'm not in love with her anymore."

"And you're sure as hell not in love with me. So enjoy having a family, Rick. You love your son. That's what really matters. Your son. Not trying to hook up with me or whatever the hell the end goal is here."

"Sadie."

"Rick. I'm being serious. Stop. Okay? Just stop. Either go to bed or take over watch."

"I'll take over."

Rick had to be in a weird place right now. I accredited everything that was going on, to him trying to cope with what was going on with Lori. That was all it could be. I knew that there couldn't be anything there. And I should've shut him down when he started to kiss me before. This had been a mistake. Rick and I were friends. But we could not do this. Any of it.

"Rick, I want you to think about something...Think about the fact that you know me. Think about what this whole Lori situation has done to you...and you'll know, you don't really want any of this. You just think that it makes sense because I'm an available female here―one that you had met before all of this. Just, think, Rick. Please."

I could be serious. It was little bit harder than most things for me, but I could do it. And Rick needed for me to be serious.

I went back to the tent and unzipped the flap, Daryl looked at me, wide awake, as I crawled in. "Hey," I greeted, sitting on my sleeping bag and untying my boots.

"Already done with watch?"

"Rick took over. He was insisting we _talk_."

"Talk 'bout what?"

"Ugh, about how we kissed. That should _not_ have happened."

"Oh," he said.

"No need to be jealous. It didn't mean anything," I grinned over at him. He didn't say anything else though. Not for a long minute.

"What makes ya think there's anythin'?" he asked, kind of vaguely.

"I just like annoying you, I'm sure there's probably not. But I don't know, it's kinda fun."

"So ya don' think 's true?"

"Nah. I mean, if it were, I feel like you would've made a move."

"An' how do ya 'spect me to make a move on ya?"

"I don't know. I mean we share a fucking tent for crying out loud. You could be over here fucking me right now."

"What?"

"Exactly. That's how I figure that you're not actually interested."

"Jus' 'cause I ain't jumped yer bones?"

I laughed a little. "You could say that."

"That somethin' ya want?"

"Mm, I'll let you know when I do," I said. "Let's get some sleep, Dixon."

 **AN: Is this story getting to the point where it's OOC? I'm concerned. I feel like Rick's parts are really getting there. I tried to explain my mindset on that a bit. He's trying to cope with the whole Lori thing in a more out in the open fashion. And, there is a female there who he knew before it all...so I don't know. It makes sense to me, but I don't know if it's working for all of you. Same with Daryl, I don't know if that bit at the end was too out of character. Ugh. I'm writing this at two o'clock in the morning while watching Boondock Saints (if you haven't seen it, watch it. 10/10 would recommend) because I can't sleep so it might be weird. Honestly scared to proof read this later.**


	13. Chapter 13

Randall. He had consumed most of the group's thoughts. What were we to do about him? I may have been one of the few to not care, whatsoever. Dale was pushing to allow him to stay. I could understand both sides of the argument. Letting him live was humane, while killing him was safe. The survival part of my brain told me that we should just kill him and let that be the end of it. The part of my brain that was stuck with how the world used to be, told me that was wrong. But who decided right and wrong now? What did it even matter.

I came to realise, all that mattered was living and having food in your stomach. So what if we killed this kid? Oh well. From what Daryl mentioned, he had been with a group of terrible people. Maybe it was time for him to pay for the crimes he may (or may not) have been a part of. This all kind of hurt my head. I knew that I would still have to shoulder some of the guilt if he was killed. But oh well. Everyone died eventually. What was so wrong with his time being up a little sooner? It wasn't like he was a model citizen anyway.

That was me trying to convince myself that killing someone was okay. In reality, this was a turning point for the group. What we did her, would pave the way for how we handled things in the future. If we killed him, killing would be okay from here on out, but if we let him go, then we would wait for this problem to come up again at a later date.

"What are your thoughts on all of this?" Dale asked me as I sat at Daryl's camp. I just shrugged. Daryl was off on a hunting trip and I didn't really have anything to do. I didn't want to be with the rest of the group. I just wanted to be alone. Sure we had started to move in, but Daryl's tent was still up outside and the fire pit was fully intact. I had decided to sit there.

Earlier, Rick and Shane had returned―looking rather beat up from trying to free Randall 18 miles from here. It hadn't gone as planned and that was why they were looking at alternative ways to handle that situation.

"I really don't care what happens, Dale," I said honestly.

"Then side with me. Keep the boy alive. You're a doctor, you _save_ lives."

"Correction, I was a doctor, Dale. Now, I'm just trying to survive."

"So is he!"

"Dale, please, just let me be. I don't want to side with anybody."

"Not siding is the same as killing him yourself."

"Oh well. I'm abstaining from this vote. I'll go with the majority."

"Fine," he said, leaving the camp, realising I wasn't siding with anyone.

XxX

"Shane," I called, catching up to my brother. Whether I liked it or not, I was a curious person. I wanted to know what had happened earlier between him and Rick. They were supposed to be best friends.

"What, Sadie?" Shane asked.

"What happened with Rick and Randall earlier? Did the kid get to you?"

"No, it was Rick. Just some..." he seemed to ponder what to call it. "It was a disagreement."

"With fists? You two never fight."

"Would you get off my back?"

"I'm just wondering, Jesus, Shane! You don't have to get so defensive."

He let out a sigh. "We jus' don' agree on anything any more."

"I've noticed," I agreed. "But that's because you're kind of an asshole."

"But ya love me anyway, sis."

"Sure, _bro_ ," I said, nudging him.

"So does this mean you're with me on the whole Randall thing? We jus' need ta kill him off."

"Shane, like I told Dale, I'm not with anyone. I'm not in this vote at all. What will be, will be."

"I'm your brother. Family's all you got now. You're not going to side with me?"

"No, I'm not. I'm siding with myself," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Fine," he shrugged. I started towards the house, feeling like I should probably help make dinner, since that time was rapidly approaching.

"Sorry," Rick said, running into me.

"It's fine," I said, taking note of his bruised face. "How's your face?"

"It's there," he shrugged.

"My brother, huh?"

"I gave just as much as I got."

"I saw, not bad," I smiled. "Would've been nice if you could've broken his nose. That would make like the third or forth time he's had it broken."

Rick smiled with a slight laugh in agreement. The way I saw it, previous arguments were in the past and they didn't matter. Rick and I were friends, I didn't want that to change. In this world, you didn't live long as it was, I didn't want to die while fighting with someone who had been close to me―I couldn't call it fighting anyway. So long as he didn't try to make any more moves, we were all good.

"Didn't you break it once?"

"Yeah, I might have thrown a snow globe at his face when I was ten because he came in my room." Rick laughed some more and I grinned. "We've always had sibling rivalry, huh?"

"You two fight like crazy."

"I know. It's the highlight of my day sometimes."

 **AN: I'm sorry this one is super short. I'm not even at home right now lol. I'm sitting in my hotel room writing this so I thought that I would try to get something posted. Thank you all for reading, your reviews would be greatly appreciated.**


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey," I greeted as Rick made his way up the ladder to the RV. Though we had mostly moved into Hershel's house―myself and some of the others were planning to stay outside for a while longer and a watch was needed no matter what. So here I was, taking watch, occupying my time to stay away from sharing a tiny confined space with anyone.

"Sadie, I want to apologise to you. I have no idea what's gotten into me the last few weeks." He rubbed his face with the heels of his hands and he seemed genuinely stressed about this.

"It's fine," I said. On some things, I was very much, forgive and forget. This was one of them. Rick was in a weird place before, and I knew that. It was fine that he had kissed me, and I had kissed him back.

"No, it's not. You're right. I've got a wife and a kid. I haven't been me...I've been trying to understand the whole Lori situation, and in that process I...I don't know I lost sight of what I should be focused on."

"Good," I said, standing from the lawn chair. I pulled him into a quick hug, giving him a friendly kiss on the cheek. "Have a good night. I'm gonna go try to make use of the tent, while we still have it." He gave me a questioning look.

"You mean your tent with _Daryl?_ " he asked.

"Well yeah," I said. "Good night!" I headed back into the tent and climbed inside. I was sure that Daryl was probably awake, he was a very light sleeper, but I paid him no mind as I took off my bra within my shirt and removed my jeans to put sweats on.

"What're ya doin'?" Daryl's voice surprised me slightly.

"What? You're not enjoying the free strip tease?" I asked, grinning, still not wearing any pants. He groaned a little. I moved over to his side of the tent. "Haven't you ever seen a partially naked woman?" I knelt down to his cot and he gave him his typical glare, but I grinned.

"Why aren't ya sleepin' in the house? Thought ya'd sleep by yer friend now an' not me."

"Maybe I'd much rather _sleep_ with you," I smirked leaning close to him. I expected him to back off, or tell me to do so―rather.

"I don' think ya wanna do that."

"We would have great sex and you know it," I smirked.

"So that's what ya want," he rose an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I think so," I moved in closer and I kissed him. I climbed up onto his cot and swung my leg over his body. We were flush against each other and he let out a low growl before rolling us over so that he was atop me. I liked this domination sort of thing. This was what I knew would sex with him great. I felt his rough hand go up my shirt and feel my exposed chest. His hand was so calloused and strong, I shivered involuntarily.

Before anything could go any further, there was commotion outside. Daryl was alert right away and he stood from the cot. I grabbed my sweats, pulled them on, and did the same with my boots. I followed Daryl out of the tent and to the field where everyone else was.

It was Dale. He had been bitten by a walker and was slowly dying. Rick went into panic mode and called for someone to get Hershel. "Rick, there's no use. You know what has to be done," I stated. He dropped his shoulders and he pulled out his gun. He wavered, unable to do it. I saw Daryl step forward. "Sorry brother," he pulled the trigger, sending a loud bang throughout the entire surrounding area.

XxX

The next day brought a lot of interesting things, including everyone taking their stuff into the house to officially move in. After what happened with Dale, they thought it would be safer. I hadn't spoken to Daryl since last night, I didn't even know what to say. Maybe it was wrong to go as far as we did. I didn't know what I wanted. Not really...But then again, I did _want_ Daryl. Last night was great, even if we only got as far as second base. It left me wanted more.

"Goddammit," Shane said, as I walked onto the porch. I could feel the anger radiating from my brother. What the hell had just happened? If anger was heat, he was the sun. Holy shit.

"What happened?" I asked, seriously.

"Rick's taking _Daryl_ to let that kid go!" he exclaimed, tossing his hands in the air.

"I'm not sure I'm understanding the problem," I said with a nonchalant shrug. "Last time you and Rick left together to do just that, you beat each other up. I don't think that should happen again."

"The fact is, he's lettin' the lil' bastard go and even though that shouldn't happen, I shoul' be goin', and he knows it! What does Daryl even do for the group?"

"It's fine, Shane, okay?" I would address his statement about Daryl in a moment. For now, I was trying to calm him down.

"It's not fine! How can you just not care, Sadie? That son of a bitch is going to bring is group back and kill us all!" he shouted.

Daryl gave me a look, questioning the situation and I supposed, asking me what was up. I just gave him a nod.

"The hell's that?" he gestured to where Daryl was across the yard.

"What?" I asked, glaring at him.

"Is _that redneck_ gettin' inta this?" he asked.

"Shane, stop being an asshole, alright? I'm talking to you because you're my brother and I want you to be calm and _happy_. I don't want you to run around here like was wasp on its period!"

"What're ya, fuckin' him now? Is that why he's trying to get inta our business?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Shane. I swear, you need to fucking calm down." I shouted, annoyed.

"Everything alright, here?" Rick asked, walking up.

"We're fine," I snapped. My brother just needs to fucking grow up!"

"Or maybe my sister needs to not start fucking―"

"Who I fuck is none of your Goddamn business, Shane!"

"Why not? My sex life became public!"  
"That's because she was married and her husband came back, you dumbass!" I went into the house to cool off. I made my way up the stairs and found my way up to see Maggie in her room.

"What's going on?" she asked, brushing out her hair.

"My brother's a dick. I don't even know, Maggie. I just..." I explained to her what had just happened and she had gotten one question out of all of this.

"Are you and Daryl sleeping together?" she asked. Rolling my eyes, I shook my head.

"No, we made out a little last night and I really wanted to but the whole thing with Dale kind of happened. I kinda got cock blocked by a walker," I laughed. I knew the Dale situation was not funny, not on any level, but I had to make jokes. That was how I coped with things, unless they directly hurt me. Dale and I were not very close, but he did not deserve to die, he was a good man. He had a good soul and I didn't know who would be the driving force of our moral compass.

"That's something I kind of didn't expect," Maggie admitted.

"I like to make spur of the moment decisions," I shrugged.

 **AN: I hope I've made the situation with Daryl made sense. I know that with his character (in the show) he hasn't shown too much of an interest in any of the other characters in that way (it could be argued that there may have been something with Beth), and I know that it was kind of early on for it to happen in this story, but I was trying to find a way to progress things and to me, it makes sense.**

 **I feel that you can only keep things from happening for so long and this kind of just worked for what I want to do. I'm not saying that it will amount to anything in the future, but being as Sadie is between Rick and Daryl, it's only fair that she's kissed them both. It could go nowhere from here, you never know! I hope that it does to all of you as well. I don't know how I feel about this chapter as a whole, and if it's absolute shit, I may scrap it and rewrite everything. I don't know yet. I'm going out on a limb to post it, but I may change things. I have yet to fully decide.**

 **Also, I hope everyone has had a Happy New Year. 2016 is going to bring a lot of changes for me, and I'm certainly very excited. I'm so sorry for the long Author's note. I had a lot to say this time around. I wish you all the best in 2016. As always, I'd love to read your reviews!**


	15. Chapter 15

Apparently Randall had gotten the jump on Shane. I had no idea how that was possible, but Shane had said that Randall escaped and he went after him. Then, the little asshole kid somehow attacked Shane and stole his gun. Currently, Rick and Shane were looking for him in one direction and Rick and Glenn were in another. I was stuck in the house with the rest of the group and I felt like they had been gone for a very long time. I checked the mag in my gun and stepped out onto the porch. Two figures made their way back towards the house and I watched, realising it was Glenn and Daryl.

"Any luck?" I called. Daryl gave a shake of his head. "I'm going to go find them," I said. Daryl caught my arm as I passed. I tugged my arm away and sent a slight glare his way.

"Don' think that's a good idea."

"He's my brother."

"I'm comin' with ya."

"Stay here with the group, they need you."

I could tell that he didn't agree with that. But I wasn't having it, I hurried off in the direction they had gone. Eventually, I came into the clearing where I saw Rick and Shane standing, arguing. Shit. This could not be anything good. They got closer and began wrestling each other to the ground. I came into the clearing and yelled at them to stop, but it fell on deaf ears and before I knew it, Rick had plunged a knife into Shane's chest. His knife...Shane's chest...No. No...It couldn't be. This was my big brother. My only family...

"No," I mumbled. I couldn't describe what I was feeling. I felt hurt and betrayed. Rick was Shane's best friend and what had happened between them shouldn't have mattered―not to the point of one killing the other. Didn't bros before hoes matter anymore? As I knelt before my brother's lifeless body, I began thinking about how alone I would be now. Sure, we fought like cat and dog, but I knew he cared about me and I for him.

"C'mon Sadie, we have to go back to the―"

"No," I said, glaring at Rick. "Leave me here. Alone."

"Sadie, I'm not going to do that," he started to grab my arm. I tore it away and stood up.

"I said _leave me alone_!"

"Sadie," Daryl's voice caught my attention. When had he gotten out here? "Look," he pointed to the oncoming herd of walkers. "We gotta get outta here, a'right?"

"When did you―"

"C'mon," he wrapped his arm around my back and hurried me towards the house, not before I picked my brother's gun from the ground, though. We went ahead and Rick stayed back for a moment.

"We have to bury him, Daryl," I cried. "We can't just leave my brother―"

"We gotta," he ushered me back to the house to warn everyone of the oncoming walkers. All I could think about was my brother. I didn't care about the walkers. So what if I died? My brother was dead. Dead. I went through the motions of killing the walkers and tried to save other people of the group. I felt Daryl grab my hand and pulled me onto the bike. I didn't know where we were going, I held tight to his waist and he drove down the road.

Eventually we stopped where stuff had been left for Sophia, so long ago. Slowly but surly, other people arrived at the clearing―but some did not. I knew Andrea was among that group, and one of Hershel's family. Eventually, we moved on. As I did when battling the walkers, I just went though the motions. I did what Daryl told me to do, getting on his bike and holding on as we drove down the road once more. Eventually we stopped for the night and I sat on the ground, thinking. I thought about my brother. My big brother, the one who I had fought with. I had punched him, we had screamed at each other, we had given each other the silent treatment, and all kinds of other things. But the fact was, he was family.

"Can I talk to you?" Rick asked, I barely even heard him. I was in my own world. I wanted to escape from here. To be without everyone else―especially Rick, who had been the one to kill my brother.

"Why? What's the point?"

"I owe you an explanation."

"You don't owe me shit."

"Sadie, Shane was going to kill me. I don't know of how much you saw, but it was kill or be killed. Usually I would have tried to talk him down from it, but he's changed. This changed him and I couldn't do anything else..."

"Rick...I..." I felt the tears coming so I took a deep breath, wanting to will the tears away. "I know you and I know you wouldn't have done this just to do it," I wiped beneath my eyes as the tears came. "I just...I can't look at you right now." I sobbed, the tears coming from my eyes in a downpour. Rick's arms wrapped around me and I cried into his neck. This felt like I was betraying Shane by hugging Rick but with my brother gone, Rick was the closest thing to family that I had left.

"It'll be alright, Sadie. If ya ever wanna talk about old times, y'know, 'bout Shane, I have some of the memories ya do..."

"Rick, he tried to kill you," I pulled away. "Why would you offer that?"

"Because I know you will always care about him, no matter what. An' I care 'bout you."

"But you don't have to."

"Sadie, I do care about you, though. That is why I would be here for you, if you needed."

"I think right now, I just need to be alone..." I gave the best smile that I could muster.

"Okay," he agreed. I sat back on the ground and continued to think about Shane. I wanted my big brother back. No matter how big of a dick he was.

I looked up and noticed Daryl, watching me from afar. He seemed to be thinking, pondering whether or not he should check on me. If the situation wasn't what it was, I would find Daryl to be really sweet and incredibly caring. I had to admit, I liked this side of him. I stood up and moved over to him. Despite my sadness, I had to thank him. He had been great to me in the last few hours.

When I made it over to him, he seemed to give me a once over, as if to make sure I was okay. I tried to give him a smile but it came up as nothing more than a straight face. I leaned my head on his shoulder and he looked over at me once again.

"Thank you...For everything," I said. He nodded. "I don't know what I would've done with out you."

"Losin' family ain' easy."

"Your brother could still be out there," I tried to be positive.

"It don' matter...Sadie, ya'll be okay though."

"Thanks to you."

 **AN: Hey guys, I thought that this chapter would come out better than it did, but here it is, anyway. I hope you like it. I don't know what I'm going to do for the next chapter. If you guys have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them :)**


	16. Chapter 16

_2000_

 _"Sadie, what's the matter?" Shane asked, his voice serious. I shook my head and wiped my eyes with the heel of my hand. "Did Colt do something?"_

 _"He―He's kissing Delaney Daniels..." Colt was my boyfriend of nearly a year and we were at the homecoming football game. I didn't even want to go to this stupid thing, but Colt wanted to. Then he said he was going to the concession stand―after waiting for him to come back for a while, I found him kissing Delaney around the corner of the concession stand. It hurt, he was my first and only boyfriend and I found him cheating on me._

 _"I'm gonna kick his ass!" Shane exclaimed. My brother had already graduated high school seven years earlier, but he was here for me._

 _"Just leave him be, I want to go home," I said. He shook his head._

 _"That asshole needs his ass beat."_

 _"Shane, no. Let's just go. I don't need any more embarrassment."_

 _"Sadie―"_

 _Before we could continue arguing, here Colt was, brown hair, brilliant blue eyes. "Sadie, I've been looking all over for you."_

 _I saw Shane ready to jump into the fight. But I was not about to have that. "Well I'm certainly not down Delaney Daniels's throat. Like your tongue was."_

 _"Sadie―"_

 _"No, you don't get a chance to lie to me, you son of a bitch!" tears streamed down my cheeks but I didn't care. "Have fun with her, she is the school doorknob after all," with that, took his drink from his hand and poured it on top of his head. Shane and I started to walk away, when he called after me._

 _"She's better than you in bed anyway," he shrugged. That was it, I swung and my fist collided with his jaw. Shane looked at me with the proudest look I had ever seen. He held up his hand for a high-five and I―dumbly―smacked his hand._

 _"Ow, fuck!" I exclaimed._

 _"C'mon, we'll go put some ice on that," he wrapped a protective arm around my shoulders and led me out to his car. "I've never been more proud to have you as my sister," he grinned._

 _"That asshole deserved it."_

 _"He did."_

XxX

As I held the Glock 17 in my hand, this is the memory that came to mind. My brother may not have been perfect, but the fact was, he was my brother and he and I had a―though unique―strong bond. This gun didn't belong to me, but it was the only thing of Shane's that remained. I had happened to grab it from his body before we left the farm. I craved to have a part of him with me. Asshole or not, he was my big brother and he had some influence over who I became as a person, my outspokenness and strong will, developed thanks to him.

"Ya a'right out here?" the door to the truck opened beside me. It had been a month since the farm and we were currently residing in storage units. It wasn't the best of arrangements, but it seemed safe enough. We kept a 24/7 watch outside in the pickup truck, just to be sure.

"Just thinking," I replied. I understood why Rick did what he did, and I had already forgiven him, it was just hard. He had killed my brother, no matter how you looked at it. Even though he had a very understandable reason to do so, that stayed in my mind and it was hard to just forget that it happened. I'm sure he would feel the same way if he and I switched places. It was basic human nature to blame whomever had killed the person, no matter the situation. As much as I cared about Rick, this would always be in the back of my mind.

"He loved that gun, y'know," he said, looking at the metal object in my hands. "I'm glad you have it, Sadie."

"Me too," I agreed, chewing on my lip. "How is everyone else?" I had admittedly shut most of the group out. It wasn't there fault, but if Shane could die, so could anyone else and it was just too hard to truly be close to someone when you knew that they would be dead in any amount of time. It made this whole apocalypse thing really real to me. Losing my parents hadn't really counted, despite them raising me, I hadn't been very close to them. My brother was a different story though. I mostly spoke to Rick and Daryl now. And with Daryl, we didn't use words much, we sat in comfortable silence together, enjoying the other's company. Even my friendship with Maggie had gotten harder. I just didn't want to open up anymore.

"You'd know if you talked to them."

"The more I talk to them, the more it hurts when they're dead. Or the more it hurts them when I'm dead," I shrugged.

"Then why don't you cut everyone off?" he asked, seeming genuinely curious.

"Because I'm already in too deep with you and Daryl and you don't guys don't really have anyone else to go to with everything...Maggie has Glenn and Glenn has Maggie―plus I wasn't really close with anyone to begin with."

"Everyone is doing as good as they can be," he replied.

"And how's the baby?" I wasn't a huge kids person, but that very well could be my niece or nephew.

"Fine, as far as we know. Lori found a stethoscope the yesterday and has been trying to find the heart beat. Maybe you'd like to give a listen?"

"Yeah, I could do that..."

"Lori on the other hand, she shuts me out just as much as you shut everyone else out."

"Yeah well she's kind of a bitch," I shrugged. I was nothing, if not honest. But I was kind of a bitch too. "It'll get better." She had been pouting about Shane's death and I didn't think it was right. It wasn't that she didn't have a right to grieve, but if I could forgive Rick, why the hell couldn't she? And last time her "lover" died, she moved right onto his best friend, why not now? "But I am more than happy to do anything for that baby."

"I appreciate that."

"So you got this?" I gestured to the area around us, meaning watch.

"Yeah. You should be getting some sleep, now." I nodded and headed back to the storage unit in which I was to sleep. I walked into the unit and I saw Daryl sit upright in the dark.

"It's just me," I said, taking a seat beside him.

"I figured," he mumbled. Something came to mind, and I had to ask it.

"Are we ever going to finish what we started in the tent, that night?"

"You wanna finish that?" Daryl sounded surprised and I shrugged a little.

"I mean, I don't tend to start things I don't intend to finish," I said. He and I hadn't even kissed since that night at the farm. "I have an idea," I stood up and waited for him to do so too. "C'mon," I smiled. He followed me out of the storage unit and I led the way into another. We quickly cleared the unit to make sure that there were no walkers inside. There was a large couch and a few other random things. I pressed my lips to his and leaned against the wall. He kissed me back with equal intensity and his hands gripped my ass to hold me up. I loved his dominating presence right then. I loved that he literally picked me up and pinned me to the wall.

Another thing, with Daryl, it was all rough, teeth, biting, the works. There must have been marks on my neck, because he brought so much pain and pleasure at the same time. He tugged at the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. My chest was exposed other than my black bra. His mouth continued to leave marks on the exposed flesh. I couldn't help the continued moans from leaving my mouth. All of this was more pleasure than I had felt in a very long time. I had never been into the whole biting thing until right now.

The problem was, doubts began to cloud my head. And worries. I didn't want to get pregnant. For that, I was certain. Hell, I didn't want kids before the world went to hell, I knew I'd be a shitty mum. I wasn't cut out for parenthood. He put me on the couch, and I knew that if I was going to stop it, I had to do it now. It wasn't him, I _wanted_ to be with him. I really did, I just couldn't―right now.

"Daryl," I murmured, he pulled back and I pushed him into a sitting position. I straddled his lap and I kissed down to his neck and started to undo his shirt. His rough hands covered mind and I stopped. "I've already seen," I said.

"Don' care."

"What if I just rip it off of you?" I smirked.

"No," his hands continued to cover mine.

"Okay," I said, pulling my hands away. Instead, I undid his belt and the button to his pants. I knelt on the floor and tugged his pants down. He grabbed my face, making me meet his blue eyes.

"Ya don'―"

"Daryl, I _want_ to do this for you," I said.

 **AN: Hey guys, I don't know how I felt about where this went. Do you think it was logical and good? Let me know. I may have to go back in and tweak some things...Thanks for reading, your reviews are wonderful...**


	17. Chapter 17

I stood in the bathroom and tried to make my appearance slightly better. But it wasn't working all too well. I sighed but I heard familiar footsteps coming down the hall. I opened the door and grabbed Daryl's arm. I pulled him into the bathroom. He looked at me in surprise and I kissed him. I pulled back a little and met his eyes. "How do you kiss me while I look like this?" I looked at myself in the mirror again. My blonde hair was greasy and it looked gross. My emerald eyes had dark circles under them and I just didn't feel clean. But washing ourselves was a luxury we didn't really have. And judging by how little Daryl bathed when it was easily accessible, maybe his was into me being dirty.

He just shrugged and then kissed me again and lifted me onto the sink. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him closer against me. "I foun' somethin' earlier when we went through th' house." He reached into his pocket and I smiled, upon seeing the foil wrapping. A grin spread across my face and I couldn't believe the excitement that was already building. It had been almost a year since I had sex. That was a long fucking time!

"Daryl, you naughty redneck," he knew that we couldn't have real sex until we had protection. "Now the likelihood of getting knocked up tremendously decreases," I mumbled. I knew that condoms were only 99% effective, but it was more so than just going for it. It wasn't like I could go see my friendly neighbourhood gynecologist and get some birth control. Condoms were the only real contraception we had. Soon enough all of the ones that had been produced before would expire and then nobody would have any sort of protection.

"I jus' happened ta see it an' it don' seem like anybody else needs 'em much." He wasn't wrong. The only people who were having sex were Maggie and Glenn, but I suspected that they had their own stash or some sort of way to do things. And, even if Rick and Lori were having sex, judging by how little they even spoke, I doubted it, she was already knocked up!

"Well, we will certainly be using this," I smirked. "Just right now probably isn't the best time. Maybe once everyone goes to sleep. Meet me in the living room, yeah? I've got the couch all to my self."

"Think ya can be quiet?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow at me.

"No promises," I smirked.

"T'night," he agreed. He left the bathroom, and I followed moments later.

"So?" Maggie had her arms crossed, looking at me with one eyebrow rose.

"So what?" I asked.

"What's that all 'bout?" she gestured towards the bathroom vaguely. I knew that I could play dumb, if I really wanted to. But I doubted there was a point in it. "I kno' we haven't talked much lately, but I miss ya."

"Maggie, I'd rather not be close with anyone," I said, frowning a little.

"That's a lonely way to live, you know that?"

"Loneliness is better than the pain," I fully frowned. "It's bad enough that I'm close to Rick and Daryl, but I don't want the two of us to get any closer."

"Who else are you going to have girl talk with? I miss our chats," she smiled. It was really hard to shut out the only girl friend that I had ever had. And I would kind of enjoy the girl talk.

"You got me, I guess," I laughed a little.

"People worry about you, y'know?" she said as we walked into the room that she and Glenn were staying in. We sat on the bed and I shook my head.

"Why? Who?" I asked. I was really confused by this. Why would anyone have a reason to care about what was going on with me?

"Carol worries a lot, my dad. You duck and run away when anyone tries to talk to you. Sadie, if you shut everyone out, you end up all alone..."

"When Shane died, I didn't know what to do. He was my brother and it hurt, Maggie. It hurt so much," I looked away, not wanting to cry. This was why I didn't want to talk to people. Girls wanted you to talk about your feelings while with Daryl and Rick, I could express my problems other ways. Daryl by doing all kinds of hot make out sessions and Rick by making plenty of sexual jokes.

"I kno', but we would've all been here for you if you would've let us," she said, hugging me.

"Thank you, Maggie, it means a lot," I nodded, pulling away. I wiped my eyes. "Do you want to have that girl talk, now?" I grinned.

"Yeah, do you have anything to talk about, in this little girl talk session? Does it have to do with Daryl?" she smirked.

I smiled a little. "I mean, yeah, what else is girl talk supposed to be about?"

"You're right," she grinned. "So...?"

I explained what happened in the storage units and how he now had a condom that we planned on using. "It's kind of exciting, y'know? Gives this dull world something to liven it up."

"That's one way to put it," she laughed. "Is it just a physical thing or...?"

"Hm," I thought for a moment. "I think it's more physical than anything. We talk, but we haven't talked about being anything more than what we are. And I'm find with that. I don't really want or need the touchy feely stuff, if that makes sense," I replied.

"It does, but whatever works," she shrugged.

XxX

As I lay on the couch, I began thinking about what was soon to happen. I felt like I was about ten years younger, excited beyond belief to be with this man. I heard his boots move across the floor and into the living room area. I looked up and the silhouette of Daryl made his way closer to me. I smirked and when he got close to the couch, I stood. "Hey there," I greeted. He didn't answer me, instead he kissed me. He kissed me to the point that my mind was foggy. He lay me on the couch and in his usual, Daryl, rough way, he kissed and bit my neck. I pulled off my T-shirt and he undid my bra. I suppressed my giggles at the fact that we were in the living room, about to have sex.

"Ya gotta be quiet, now," he told me as I grabbed at his belt.

"No promises," I said again, laughing and whispering. He kissed my neck some more and I tried my best to hide my moans but he really know how to work my neck. I quickly undid his belt and and unbuttoned his pants.

XxX

Daryl grabbed both of our clothes from the floor and we dressed rather quickly, knowing that there was still the risk of having to fight for our lives at any moment. "That was fucking amazing," I told him.

"Mm hm," he agreed. He gave me one last kiss on my lips and started back out of the living room. I almost grabbed for his hand, to have him stay with me. But I didn't. I knew that this wasn't like that. And I was okay with it. The sex was amazing, and that was what should matter to me. Nothing else. I didn't need to cuddle and have pillow talk. I just...I didn't need it. And that was it.

 **AN: BAM! They did it. I don't do well at writing those scenes and I would have to bump the rating up to M and that just seems like a lot of work! As always, I would love your reviews! Please leave them at the bottom :) Also a thank you to** YaoiLovinKitsune **for the idea of Daryl finding a condom. Ideas are always welcomed. A thank you is also in order to everyone who has stayed with this story and reviewed thus far!**


	18. Chapter 18

What a day today had been. We were now sitting in the yard of a prison. Tomorrow, we would be going inside to clear it out. For tonight, we all sat within one of the prison fences to sleep. Daryl was taking watch on the bus and Carol had brought him some of the food we had cooked while I sat and watched the exchange. When he massaged the shoulder―the one she had mentioned was sore earlier―I felt a pang of jealousy. Why did I care? It wasn't like he was my boyfriend. He was just some guy that I liked hooking up with. That really wasn't that big of a deal. If he wanted to be over there flirting with Carol, then he could do whatever he wanted. I really didn't give a shit. I knew Daryl wasn't the best flirt anyway, so it probably wasn't flirting. In fact, there was no way it was flirting.

Unable to watch any longer, I moved over to Rick, where he was walking the fences, keeping his own watch. Lori had just returned to the group from speaking with him. His mouth was drawn into a straight line and I knew that something was wrong. "What's up?" I asked him. I mean, it wasn't like something was ever not wrong around here lately. Something had to be up, right? A day didn't go by where someone was not feeling something that they thought couldn't be shared with the rest of the group. This was an easy way to get him talking.

"It's just...I can hardly look at her anymore..." he stated. I knew who he was talking about, there really was only one person he could be referring to. Lori. I also knew the reason why he couldn't look at her. He believed that it probably wasn't his baby. That baby, was more likely than not, my niece or nephew, Shane's child. He was trying so hard to love the baby that she was carrying, but he was having trouble with that, which I understood. Shane had tried to kill him, after all.

"When that baby comes, all you have to do is hold it and you'll love it, Rick. Even if―worst case―it's not yours, it is still a part of Lori. And Lori is your _wife_. And you should give two shits about it."

"And she―"

"It doesn't matter. The fact is, there is a baby on the way and that baby needs a father. So grow a pair and try to be happy about it," I said, walking away from him. I went back to the rest of the group and took my spot on the ground. I didn't have a blanket―and it was rather chilly tonight. I had given my blanket to Beth, she was younger and she needed the warmth more than me. Daryl caught my eye by the bus. He seemed to want to ask me to come over to him, but I just lay on the ground instead.

It may have seemed like I was being jealous, but I wasn't. The only thing that intimidated me was if, let's say, Carol, or someone else, ended up in a relationship―like a real one―with Daryl, then I would loose that great sex. But then again, Daryl didn't seem much like a relationship guy. And I wasn't a relationship girl, so it worked out really nicely.

XxX

As we stormed the stone fortress, we took out as many walkers as were there. It was amazing to see the group in action. We had cell block C cleared out in no time. Or at least, it seemed like no time. But by the time everything was said and done, it was time for dinner. We ate canned food within the cell block and then everyone went off to the cells they had claimed. Mine was the first one on the second floor. Coincidentally right next to where Daryl had claimed―not a cell, but right outside of them all.

"What do you say we break in my new room?" I whispered to him as I walked by. I could see the small smirk form on his face as we made our way into my new "room". I figured that it would a good idea to not call it a "cell" because that made me think of a prison. And even if it was a prison, it was still where we would be living from now on. I didn't want to think of the possible murderer who had once slept in here.

"Ya didn' come talk ta me last night," he stated before I could kiss him. I just shrugged and bent down by my bed. I pulled out my duffel bag and grabbed a box from within. "Ya talked to Rick," he mumbled.

"Aw, is somebody jealous?" I asked, making my face into a pout.

"I ain't jealous of nothin'," he stated.

"You sure seem jealous," I smirked. "But it seemed like Carol had you _well_ taken care of," I replied.

"Now who's jealous?"

"I'm not jealous!" I exclaimed. "Let's just drop it, okay?" He nodded in agreement. "Now, fuck me, Dixon," I smirked.

XxX

"Shit," Daryl said, as we finished.

"What?" I asked.

"It broke," he said, the broken condom in hand.

"Shit, shit, shit," I said, sitting up. I grabbed my shirt from the floor and pulled it on. He too redressed and I was mentally freaking out. I could not have a baby, there was no other way to look at it. That was the only thing on my mind. Oh God, I knew that I didn't want to be pregnant, not in this hell. "I'm not diseased," I said. "I promise," I added.

"'m clean."

"I just really don't want to have a baby. I've never wanted children..."

"Me neither."

"Shit, this is not good. I'm going to be freaking out for the next couple weeks..." I sighed, burying my face in my hands.

"Yeah," he agreed.

I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to do with this. A fucking broken condom. Why the hell had this happened? Ugh. I could _not_ have a baby. That simply was not an option.

Before―y'know, before the world went to the dead, I wouldn't have cared so much. There were options then―I didn't know if I could realistically participate in some of those options, but they were still there. And, oh yeah, there weren't dead bastards running around eating people―plus I wasn't the only actual doctor within a fifty mile radius. The old world also had birth control. This could not be any worse.

"I think I want to be alone," I said, I didn't really. But I also didn't think that Daryl should have to put up with me being a little bitch about this. And I could sense that he kind of wanted to leave.

Fucking broken condom. I swear, maybe I should go back to not having sex!

"A'right," he said, leaving.

 **AN: I wanted to cut this chapter off here because I have a bit planned for the next one. I have bumped up the story to M, just in case this content can be viewed as a bit much. Does everyone think that it should be M? Or should it go back to being T? I'm terrible at this sort of stuff. I usually just go with T as a default rating, no matter what. Let me know! Thanks guys.**


	19. Chapter 19

The last week had not been the greatest. The prison, our supposed haven, had taken Hershel's leg. The eldest member of our group had been bitten by a walker and Rick thought fast, he had the brilliant idea to chop off Hershel's leg, hoping that it would stop the infection—though I may sound sarcastic when I call his idea brilliant, I'm being serious. It had worked. In this week, five prisoners had been found hiding in a cafeteria, but when Rick tried to relocate them to a different cell block, two of them made an attempt on the lives of the relocation group. Needless to say, those two—plus one a walker killed—are no longer breathing, whilst the two remaining prisoners live separate from us.

I had not spoken much more than a couple words to Daryl. I was avoiding him. I didn't know what was going on. It was too soon to know. Much too soon to know. I wasn't ready to face him. Maybe I was being crazy, but part of me feared I'd only want to sleep with him again. I needed to swear off sex for a while. The only reason I even knew how long it had been was because I was keeping track on the prison walls—just like a prisoner. I needed to know when I would know. I would have to wait wait two or three weeks more before I could find out. Two if I found the right test, three before I was supposed to have my period again.

"'S time to take watch," Daryl's voice entered my cell and I looked up from the bed. I nodded and tied my boots before slipping on my leather jacket. I had forgotten that Daryl and I were taking watch together tonight. I honestly dreaded it. Four hours in the tower. Alone with only Daryl. We would have to talk at some point. And I really didn't want to. Not until I knew what the hell was going on with this whole pregnancy or no pregnancy thing.

We went to the tower and went to the top. Rick was up there and he gave each of us a nod before going back into the prison. I stood with my rifle, watching the distance. There wasn't much else to really do on watch. Most of the walkers outside the fence were just there. They wouldn't be getting inside anytime soon, so I didn't have to worry about them. "You a'right?" Daryl finally broke the silence between us. Dammit, I was hoping that we wouldn't have to talk at all. Talking couldn't bring anything good right now. I didn't want to.

"I'm fine," I said coolly, hoping that would be the end.

"A'right," he nodded. "Jus' makin' sure." I was glad he wasn't one to get too caught up on details. He wouldn't pressure me into talking. Though the gesture was nice of him, I couldn't open up about this. I hadn't even told anyone and I wouldn't. Not unless it actually came up as positive. Then I would tell as few people for a long as I could—for however long that could last, anyway. I didn't know what to say to Daryl. I desperately wanted to have a conversation or some of our banter. And by our banter, I meant me trying to get him to blush. I just didn't feel up to it right now. I didn't feel up to that with anyone. I just wanted to curl up in a corner and hide from every single person in this place.

XxX

The next day, the sirens around the prison started going off. We were all in the yard when it happened and I somehow ended up with Daryl and Rick to find the source of the sirens. We wound up in a showdown with one of the remaining prisoners—one we thought had already been killed. After he was dead, we emerged into the prison yard, slowly but surely, out group members—the ones who hadn't been killed by the freed walkers, made their way back into the yard. There were many who weren't accounted for. T-Dog, Carol, Carl, Lori, and Maggie were among those. That was, until another one of the doors opened.

Maggie and Carl walked out and that's when we all saw it. There was a small bundle in Maggie's arms—wrapped in a flannel. "L-Lori?" Rick asked. Maggie have a gentle shake of her head. And then I saw him loose it. Poor Rick. I cringed as he began to cry. I didn't like seeing people I cared about cry. Maggie was crying too, and I did what I could—I took hold of the baby. Walking away from the scene, I took the baby back into the cell block. Looking at this little baby, I thought of my brother. I hadn't thought of him in a while, actually. I tried to avoid the sad thoughts. I didn't need to get wrapped up in my head when there were others to protect. It was necessarily because she looked anything like him, it was just the possibility that she could be my niece.

XxX

Rick was in the prison, somewhere, away from everyone. Daryl and Maggie were going to get formula and I found myself sitting with Carl and Beth. Beth held the baby and I saw Carl starting to tear up again. "C'mere," I told him. He followed me out of the cell and I saw the tears come from his eyes. I pulled the boy into a hug and he cried. I didn't like this, but I knew that it was important. The boy had just lost his mum and he needed someone to be there while he grieved. I knelt down to his level and brushed his sweaty hair back.

"I know, I've gotta be strong," he sniffled. "They need me. My sister. My dad..."

"Just the opposite. If you need to talk and not be so strong, I'm here, alright?"

"No, I have to be strong... _for them_. They both need me..."

"Carl, you don't need to put the weight of the world on yourself like that. You're going through some shit right now and you deserve to have the time just as much as everyone else. Do what you can and I'll take care of everything else.

"Thanks, Sadie," he gave me a small smile and I nodded. "Can you check on my dad?"

"Yeah, you'll be okay here, with the baby?" he nodded and I ruffled my hair. Poor kid. I felt so bad for him, I remembered how I felt when I lost Shane, and now, he was so young and he had lost his mother. When you lived in a world where you practically only had family and the clothes on your back—if you were lucky, loosing someone hurt. Even worse than it did before. Now, you didn't have mindless television or luxury vacations to distract you. You had to deal with your problems.

What the hell was up with me? I had no fucking idea why I had emotions and I hugged the kid! And I held a baby! By choice! A baby that I was trying to protect. No. This wasn't me...But I had to check on Rick. I had told Carl I would. Damn kid, he needed someone. And I supposed that would have to be me for now.

 **AN: I am not proud of this chapter. I feel like it jumps around too much, but I really wanted to get this finished and I hope to soon go back over it and make it a bit better and longer. I started work at six o'clock this morning and I cannot tell you how many times I've burned my hands with hot coffee today (I work at a Starbucks). So, here's the chapter. I hope it was okay anyway.**

 **Well, I just went through and did some updating. I can't sleep. I started fixing it from my phone. I hope it's a bit better.**


	20. Chapter 20

The sight before me was something I never thought I'd see. Daryl was holding a baby—not only that, but he was feeding her and talking sweetly to her, he even nicknamed her "Little Ass Kicker". I didn't know what to do with this, I slowly pulled away from the group and went to find Rick. I had promised Carl I would anyway. I stayed alert—knife in hand and gun on my hip—I found a couple of stray walkers, but not much else. Soon, I found Rick. He was a mess. I could see the tear stains on his cheeks and he looked like a man gone mad. I took a seat beside him on the floor and nudged his shoulder with mine. He looked at me—blue eyes puffy—as if he had just noticed that I had joined him in the room.

"It's getting late," I said.

"Yeah," came his hoarse reply.

"What do you say we head back to the cell block? Your son's worried about you and you've got a baby girl to look out for, now."

"She ain't mine."

"She might be," I replied. "We had this discussion before."

"Lori is dead, Sadie. There ain't any of her left to bury, either," he said, I could tell he was trying to hold in all of his emotions.

"She does not need to be buried if she can rest peacefully knowing that her daughter is taken care of," I offered. God, I was starting to sound like someone who actually did this often. I had suddenly became the one to comfort people.

"How's she supposed to grow up without a mom?"

"The same can be said if she doesn't have a dad," I added. "Come on, Rick. Carl is going mad with worry about you."

"He'll be alright. He's stronger than I give him credit for."

"That's because of you. You're a good dad." He didn't say anything. I stood and offered my hand to him. But he wouldn't take it. "Rick," I said. I supposed it was time for some tough love. "Come back to the cell block. We need you. We all need you to survive. If it weren't for you, none of us would be here and there wouldn't be a chance for that baby to survive. But you've gotten us this far. You can grieve in the cell block. Where it's safer."

"Sadie, I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"I just can't."

"Goddammit Rick, you can. And you have to. For the sake of those children."

"They need a mother! Especially that baby. She _needs_ a mom."

"Then I guess it's time to set you up with someone, huh? Find her a stepmonster," I tried to joke. It could not have been a worse time to make a joke, but it was too late for that.

"You'd make a good mum," I heard him mumble.

"You sir, are very wrong. Have you met me? I am the worst motherly figure," with my own statement my stomach churned uncomfortably, thinking about how it was very possible that I would have to face that soon enough.

"But you care, Sadie. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be here right now."

"I care about you because you're the closest thing to family that I've got," I replied. I didn't really know where I was going with that statement, but there it was.

"Then you can care about my kids too," his voice was low again."

"Rick, are you seriously asking me to be a motherly figure to your children? Lori would flip her shit! I can't even accept that I might have my own child!" Oh shit. Did that just come out. Fuck. This was not a discussion that I wanted to have. Not with Rick. Not with anyone! "You know what Rick, just never mind," I said. "Stay here, do whatever," I abruptly left the room and hurried back into the cell block. I almost made it into my cell without anyone noticing. Almost. As soon as I sat on the bed—the tears freely flowing from my eyes—a short figure with long brown hair and familiar blue eyes walked into the room.

I had such a mixture of emotions. Fear of being a mother—anybody's mother. Sadness for not being able to get Rick to come out of there. And Anger at myself for sharing that piece of information with him.

"Did you talk to—" Carl started, but stopped dead in his tracks. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"It's fine," I said. "He's fine. I'm just...stressed," I replied, giving him the best smile I could. Which, I had a feeling was more like a straight line on my face.

"Why are you so stressed?" he asked, watching me carefully. He was thinking, analysing, I could tell by the way his eyes were scanning me.

"A lot of things, don't worry about it. I think your dad needs some time, okay? I'll check on him in the morning for you, okay?"

"Thank you," he walked out of the cell and that was that.

XxX

I went back to see Rick the next morning. When I walked in, he met my eyes. "I'm back here as a favour to Carl," I said. "You're okay?"

"You're pregnant?" he asked.

"I don't know, and I won't know for two and a half more weeks," I explained.

"Then what gives you the idea that you might be?" he asked, seeming genuinely curious. Did I want to explain this to him?

"It'd be Daryl's then?" he asked. I nodded, figuring it was obvious anyway. Who else in the group could I be sleeping with?

"The condom broke," I finally elaborated. He gave a nod of understanding. "Look, Rick, you've gotta come out of here. It's not good for you." I really wished that he would just leave this place and come back to the group.

"I'm waiting on a phone call," he said.

"What?"

"There's a safe place somewhere near here. I'm waiting for them to call me back..."

"Oh..." I said. I didn't know what to say about that. What kind of phone call could was he waiting on? I picked up the phone and there was not a dial tone. I looked at Rick and he was watching expectantly. "I'm going to leave you to that then," I patted his shoulder.

This was worse than I thought. What the hell was going on with Rick? He was loosing it. I knew grief was a crazy thing but I had never seen Rick like this.

 **AN: So, I wanted to post this chapter specifically because I need a final decision. Sadie/Rick or Sadie/Daryl. I want to know what you all see happening. I, personally don't care which way it goes. I love both characters. So leave your reviews and majority will win.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Daryl's POV**

I sat in the common room. Nobody else was in here and I was all 'lone. Sadie wouldn' talk ta me. She wouldn' even look at me. I made myself believe that I didn' care, but sort of I did. I kinda missed her smart ass comments and her dirty jokes. She was something, a'right. She didn' care what anybody else in the group thought of her and it was kind of nice. Refreshin' even. She jus' was who she was. I felt somebody poke my arm an' I foun' myself hoping it was Sadie. But it wasn'.

"What's wrong, Pookie?" Carol asked. I rolled my eyes at the weird ass nickname.

"Nothin'," I replied.

"You look down," she pressed. I just shrugged again. "It's Sadie, isn't it?" I didn' reply, not a nod or a shake of my head, I just focused on the arrow in my hands. I'd been twisin' it while I thought 'bout everythin' that was goin' on. "Are you jealous that she's spending so much time with Rick?" Carol asked.

"I ain't jealous a nobody," I told her. I wasn', neither. I didn' care if she talked ta Rick. She coul' do what she wanted. "She ain' my girlfriend or nothin' like that. It don' matter."

"But it kind of does, you miss her," Carol added. I wished she'd stop tryin' ta figure out what I was thinkin', 'cause she was wrong—maybe not fully though. I did miss spendin' time with Sadie. Not even jus' the sex. She was fun ta be 'round. She didn' get stressed or nothin'. She jus' did what she wanted ta do for herself. She was here fer the group, even if she didn' realise it. Sadie was different from anyone that I had ever met an' she didn' care what anybody thought a her.

"It ain' any of yer business," I said. I didn' wanna talk 'bout my problems. That'd never been me. I didn' need everyone else to tell me what ta do. I coul' only ever count on me.

"If you want to talk...I'll be on watch," she offered b'fore headin' outside. I sat in there for a while longer. The next person ta walk into the common room was Sadie. I saw 'er cheeks streaked red and I reacted 'fore I could even think 'bout it. I got up from the table an' my hand caught 'er arm.

"Ya a'right?" I asked.

"Y'know what? I'm not. I'm really not. I've been trying to pretend that I'm okay, but I'm not in the least bit okay, Daryl. I can't think. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I just wish I could crawl under a rock and die. And then, when I can't even take care of myself, I'm trying to take care of Rick because it's my fault."

"Tha' what ya really think, that this is yer fault?" I asked.

"If I had been there with Lori...She could live. I worked in the fucking ER! I know how to do these things! I could have done it." She started crying and I didn' really kno' what to do. She threw her arms 'round my shoulders an' cried on my chest.

"It ain't yer fault. Ya gotta kno' tha', Sadie. Ya didn' kill Lori."

"But I didn't save her either. And I'm next. I'm going to be just like her," she sobbed, pullin' away. She put 'er hand on 'er stomach.

"Are ya...?" I asked.

"I don' know! But I probably am. I have the shittiest luck, Daryl. I can't do this. I can't be a mum."

"Ya will do fine," I told her. "An' 'm here." If she was gonna have a kid—my kid—I had ta be there, I had ta take care a it. Even if I didn' think I coul' be a dad. I didn' 'xactly have the best example a what a dad shoul' be. I'd do what I had ta.

"You don't understand. I don't know how to do this. Daryl...This has got me going crazy...Seriously...I..." I kissed her. She needed ta take 'er mind off everythin'. She needed ta pretend nothin' was goin' on. She kissed me back an' I picked 'er up. I carried her over to the table.

"We gotta go to my cell," she told me and I agreed. She hopped off th'table and we headed up ta her cell.

XxX

"Tha' help?" I asked as she lay breathin' heavily 'side me.

"Oh my God, it certainly took my mind off things," she sighed. Then, she did somethin' that threw me off. She moved closer an' rested her head against my chest. "I'm not usually the cuddling type but...I just," I relaxed a little an' wrapped an arm around her shoulders. I fought my urge ta get dressed and hurry 'way. I knew she needed this. I jus' didn' know how I felt 'bout this. "You're okay with cuddling with me, right? I know it's not your cup of tea either but...I feel really alone..."

"'S fine," I promised.

"Thank you, Daryl," she murmured an' fell asleep. As much as I fel' like it wasn' safe ta be lyin' 'ere naked. What if walkers started attackin'? I pushed all of those things from my mind an' focused on Sadie. She looked so peaceful as she slept, and somehow, I managed ta fall asleep too.

XxX

When I woke up 'gain, I found that I was cuddled even closer ta Sadie, she had wrapped 'er legs 'round mind an' both my arms were 'round 'er. This was weird. I didn' lay this close to anyone.

"I smell food," Sadie said, reaching over me to the floor to grab 'er clothes. I did th' same an' we both went to the common area again. We ate beans fer dinner an' Carl sat with us.

"What's up, kid?" Sadie asked him.

"Have you checked on my dad...?" he asked.

"Yeah...Earlier," she looked down at 'er lap. Was that when she'd come back cryin'? "I...he's fine. He just needs to be by himself.

"Oh," Carl said.

"These things take time," Sadie gave 'im a small smile an' went back to 'er beans. An' she said she didn' know how ta be a mum.

 **AN: So I thought I'd try something a little different. I don't know if I'll ever use Daryl's POV again, but I thought it would be an interesting way to change things up. I want to thank you all for your input on the Sadie/Rick / Sadie/Daryl scenario, it is not too late to tell me your thoughts. Please keep up your responses. I love reading why you think she should be with one or the other too. It helps give me a perspective on how you all see this story :)**

 **Did you guys like reading from Daryl's POV?**


	22. Chapter 22

"We need to go on another formula run," Maggie said. I was eating my breakfast. "Glenn and I were going to go later today," she added. I stirred my spoon in my soggy oatmeal and took another bite. I had let it sit in the water too long and now it had gotten really mushy and I didn't want to eat it, but I kind of had to. I knew not eating for the past couple days had taken kind of a toll on my body and with the possibility of me being pregnant, I really needed to take care of myself, that meant eating. Even if it was gross.

"I'll go with you," I offered, my mouth still had oatmeal in it. The flavourless crap that tasted like I was eating wet paper. "I could use some fresh air and I wanted to see what I could find out there."

"A'right," she nodded. "We're leaving in twenty minutes," I shoved the rest of my oatmeal and headed back into the cell block. I went into my cell and grabbed my leather jacket and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I started out of my cell, right as Daryl was walking up to the doorway. "Can I help you?" I asked, eyebrow rose, flirty tone in my voice.

"Where ya goin'?" he asked, eyeing my attire. I was wearing real clothes.

"To get more formula with Glenn and Maggie," I explained. He gave me a look, like he was about to argue that it wasn't safe. And like he wanted me to stay here. I dared him to. That was not happening. I had really learned to read him in recent times. I knew him better than probably anyone else in the group did at this point.

"Be careful," he said, his eyes driving to my stomach momentarily. Subconsciously, I looked down too. My stomach was flat as a board, I had lost quite a bit of weight since the apocalypse. I used to have some meat on my bones.

"This," I stated, resting my hands over that region of my body. "Is why I have to go in the first place. I have to find out." He nodded and I was surprised to see that he actually looked slightly worried. I grabbed his face and gave him a long kiss. "You've got no reason to be worried, Daryl. It'll be fine," I promised. "And when I come back, I'll show you just how safe I am," I smirked, kissing him again. His arms wrapped around me and lifted me from the ground. This surprised me, but I kind of liked it. He set me back ground and I headed back down to the common area where Maggie and Glenn were already waiting. "You guys ready?" I asked.

"Let's go," Glenn confirmed.

I followed them out to the red SUV and we started to get in, but I saw Rick, finally out of the boiler room. He was walking with Carl, holding the baby.

"Hold on, one second," I said before jogging over to Rick. "Long time no see. You finally made it out of the bat cave?" I smiled at him. He didn't say a word, he passed the baby to Carl, then he pulled me into a hug and his facial hair brushed against my cheek.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Any time," I smiled. "I'm going to go get some formula with Maggie and Glenn. We'll be back real soon," I watched his blue eyes for a moment. He looked like himself. Mostly. There was not evidence of tears on his face and he just seemed like Rick.

"You can't go. It's not safe...I'll go."

"Rick, I'm going."

"No, no you're not."

"What are you going to do, tie me up? I'm going." That would be kinky. I'd kind of like that, actually. I could fantasise about him now! He wasn't married any more...His wife was dead, it wasn't as bad now. Luckily, I saw Carl slip away before Rick said his next statement.

"Something tells me you'd like that too much," he laughed a little.

"How'd you know?" I grinned. "But seriously, I'm going to go. I've got stuff that I need to find out there anyway. Be safe. I'll be back soon."  
With that, I got in the red SUV with Maggie and Glenn I climbed in the back and Maggie gave me a look in the rear view mirror. "What?" I asked. She shrugged a little. "What?" I asked again.

"I thought you an' Daryl were _close_ ," she said. I could hear the smirk in her voice.

"We are _close_ ," I said.

"But you seemed awfully _close_ with Rick, too."

Glenn kept glancing back in the mirror too, I could tell that he was listening too. "Well, see here's the thing. If you're really interested in my sex life," I began. "Daryl and I are close, and we have some really great sex. I don't know if we're anything more than just a whole lot of sexual chemistry. And then Rick and I are familiar and I'm intrigued by what he would be like in bed. I think he's secretly really kinky."

"Is that all you think about, Sadie? _Sex_?"  
"Well, what other entertaining thoughts are there to have? Is this a crime, Glenn? Is it because I'm a woman that I can't shamelessly think about sex?"

"No...I..." his cheeks turned bright pink. I smirked to myself and leaned forward to rest my elbows on the seats in front of me.

"Look, I'm not doing anything wrong. Daryl and I have sex—great sex—but we're not a _couple_ , not like you guys. Neither of us want that."

"Then what's up with you and Rick?"

"I'm kinda attracted to him, and I'm kind of intrigued because he seems like he's secretly kinky." I don't think that Glenn knew what to say to that. He started to say something a few times but stopped himself.

"Oh, we're here," he said, pulling the car over. I laughed and jumped out. I wordlessly made my way into the building, my gun at the ready. I made my way to the part of the store that I needed to go and managed to find three pregnancy tests. I shoved them all in my pocket and moved on. I grabbed other things that we needed back at the prison before coming out of the store. Apparently, Maggie and Glenn had already come back out and were being held at gunpoint by a man with short sandy brown hair.

"Well, well, well, who do we have here?" he asked, looking at me. I glared at him, raising my gun. "Pretty little thing like you, think you're gonna hold a gun on me?" he asked.

"I know I am, shithead. Now let my friends go, and we'll be on our way."

"I don't think that's gonna work out," he told me. "Ya see, the Chinese kid knows where my brother is an intend to find him."

"Oh yeah, who's your brother?"

"Daryl Dixon."

"So here's the thing about your brother, I am _very_ familiar with him, why don't we put the guns down and we'll talk?"

"What do ya mean by _very familiar_?" he asked.

"I mean I'm fucking him. Like a lot. And let me just say, I certainly can't see the family resemblance. He must've gotten all the good looks and charm," I stated.

"A'right, ya little bitch, where's ma brother then."

"I'm not telling you shit until you put the fucking gun down and let them come stand by me."

"I don' think so. I think 's time ya put yer gun down or 'm gonna shoot 'em both."

"Are you the evil brother, too? Goddamn," I sighed. "Let's lower our guns at the same time?"

"I'll shoot 'em," he rose his gun to Maggie's head, and I sighed before putting it on the ground. Fuck. We were fucked. Fuck everything.

 **AN: I feel like I've updated a whole lot this week, but this is the primary story that I'm working on right now...so I suppose that may have something to do with it. And you guys have been amazing with review! Thank you so much! In this chapter there was a little with Sadie/Daryl and some Sadie/Rick. I still don't have a preference lol.**

 **I have officially gone through and edited each and every chapter up to this point and I have made my chapters an exact amount of words. Look at the word count, my OCD has been satisfied :)**


	23. Chapter 23

My wrists were raw. Rope rubbed against the skin and I just wanted out of this damn room. When the door opened, I looked up and saw a pair of blue eyes that looked familiar. They looked like Daryl's, but instead they belonged to his older brother. His older, much less attractive, asshole, of a brother. Merle and I already didn't get along. I preferred the younger Dixon, of course.

"Ya gonna tell me where he is, now?" Merle asked.

"You going to tell me where my gun is? My brother's gun?" I asked in response.

"Now why'd I do a thing like that?" I shook my head in response to his question, if he wasn't giving me my gun, I wouldn't give him his brother—which I hadn't planned on doing anyway. "I coul' always beat it out of ya," he suggested.

"Do it, I dare you," I said. A question went through my head and I didn't know the answer to it. Would Daryl care if his brother beat me up? What were we exactly? Could I even expect him to think anything of it? All we did was have sex. That was not a meaningful relationship. So to him, it shouldn't matter if his brother beat me up. Oh well. But I didn't care what Merle did to me anyway.

"Why, ya think my baby brother's gonna care 'bout his whore?"

"I'm not stupid, Merle," I said. "I'm not expecting him to come in here on his white horse and save me. I just don't give a fuck if you beat me up because guess what. I'm tied up and you're pussy enough to hit a girl," I stated, narrowing my eyes at him. What I had said seemed to strike him. He glared at me.

"Listen ta me, girl. I ain't ever laid my hands on a woman, I ain't no pussy."

"You just threatened to!" I exclaimed. "So go on, do it. Hit me."

"Why don' ya jus' tell me where he is? C'mon, what's it matter ta ya?"

"Maybe I'm just too worried that I'll loose my fuck buddy," I replied with a shrug. "The sex is too good. I won't give up the location."

"We'll see 'bout that," and Merle left me. Good. Maybe I could get out of this robe somehow. I wiggled my wrists some more but my skin was just too raw at this point. I could feel every fiber of the robe digging in as I moved. Fuck.

After about an hour of me trying to undo the rope, I finally gave up. By this point, blood had started to flow from my abused wrists. The door opened and I saw yet another blue eyed man. He seemed just a bit older than me, he was tall and something about the air around him made me sick. The gun holster on his waist caught my attention. There it was. My glock. My gun. Why the hell did he have my gun? That fucking asshole.

He walked around me once and paused behind me. I heard movement behind me and I prepared myself to die. Silently I said goodbye to Rick and Daryl. I thought about how sorry I was that I wouldn't be able to be any sort of mother figure to the children—shit had I been considering that previously? The whole motherhood thought caused another pang of sadness. The baby that I may or may not have been carrying would die with me.

But I was ready. I'd been ready since the beginning. If he wanted to kill me, then I could accept that. What I couldn't accept was if he killed me with my own brother's gun. I would—what the hell? My hands were suddenly free from their bounds.

"Can't have you all tied up, now can we?" his voice was too nice. It was too sweet. Kind of like the sickenly sweet smell of rotting flesh—how you just knew that it was not supposed to have any sort of sweet scent to it.

"And why's that?"

"C'mon, a pretty girl like you? This kind of treatment just isn't fair," he smiled and I looked down at my bloody wrists. This would scar. Dammit. I mean, if I lived long enough for there to be a scar.

"What do you want? I get what angle you're playing. And I'm not going to fall for it."

"And what's that? Who says I'm a bad guy at all?" he asked.

"You're the leader of whatever part of hell this is. I can tell. The way you fucking walk in here like you own the place. As much as I appreciate my wrists being free, I'm not telling you anything. So you might as well kill me."

"You'll break eventually," he said. "And are you sure you want to go giving up your life so quick? When Martinez patted you down, he said that there was a pregnancy test in your pocket." My hand flew directly to my jacket pocket and I cringed. It was still there.

"Who says I am?"

"But you might be, isn't that enough to not risk the life of your child?"

"Go to hell, you bastard," I said, looking away from him. Even if I hadn't wanted to be a mother. This wasn't right. Torturing anyway was not okay. This was so wrong. On so many levels.

"Tell me where they are!"

"Go. To. Hell!" I spat. With that, I felt a firm hand land hard on my cheek. I yelped in surprise and pain.

XxX

When the door opened again, I winced. My face was badly swollen and I could barely see. "Sadie?" I heard my name, but I was unsure of who it was. I picked up the Southern twang but that didn't mean much. I felt a hand on my face, the pressure was gentle and I could partially see who their face. It was Rick. "Sadie, what the hell happened to you?"

"Rick," I murmured, trying to get closer to him. He wrapped his arms around my back. "I wouldn't tell him where home was..."

"C'mon, let's get you out of here," he pulled me to my feet. "Here, take my hand and I'll lead ya outta here," we eventually made our way to the alley and I heard another Southern twang.

"Th'hell happened ta ya?" Daryl's voice was concerned. I felt his calloused fingers touching different spots on my swollen and badly beaten face.

"It doesn't matter, I'm okay," I told him. He nodded and it was decided that Rick would lead me out of here—since I couldn't see. I didn't know much of what was going on around me, but eventually we got out. Most of the group was accounted for...except for Daryl. "We have to go back for him," I stated.

"We will, Sadie," he promised. "But ya gotta stay here." On some level, I already knew that. So I nodded and they left me out by the car with Glenn—who was also badly beaten—and Maggie.

Feeling the test in my pocket, I thought of something. If Daryl and his brother managed to come back...Rick wouldn't let Merle stay. And Daryl would go with Merle because he was family. I couldn't stop him from that...

XxX

When the rest of the group returned, I could see enough to walk over to Daryl. He had clear bruises on his face and I smiled a little. "Now we match," I said. I took his hand and pulled him towards the wooded area.

"Sadie, that ain' funny," he said, looking at my face.

"Look..I uh, I'm not pregnant. So we can go back to normal, we don't need to do this whole thing."

"What're ya talkin' 'bout?"

"We don't have to act like we're anything more than two people who have sex," I stated. I knew he would leave as soon as Rick told him Merle couldn't say. This way, he didn't have to leave me with an awkward goodbye. It was cut and dry. Easy.

 **AN: Sorry it's been a few days since I've updated. My friend came home from college and surprised me! And now I have a sinus infection along with bronchitis. So I've been having enough trouble trying to focus on all the other stuff :( Let me know what you think of the chapter. Sadie is building up those walls again to keep herself from getting hurt! But definitely leave your reviews for me right below this chapter. I absolutely love reading them :)**


	24. Chapter 24

I was right. Daryl was leaving with Merle. Before he went, I felt his hand on my arm as he led me away from the rest of the group once again. "'M sorry," he murmured. I looked at him, slightly confused as to why he was sorry about anything.

"Don't be. It's fine. I'm a big girl. I didn't think for a second that us having sex would turn this into a relationship. I'm not trying to date you, Daryl. I get it," I smiled at him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him quickly. "Be safe out there, don't get yourself killed," I said, pulling away and walking back over to the group. I went to zip my jacket and I felt the test in my pocket. I rested my hand over my stomach and frowned. Now I certainly hoped I wasn't pregnant. I didn't know what I would do if I really was having his baby and he was gone. I guess I'd have to come up with a back up plan.

"You ready?" Rick asked, touching my arm. I nodded and tried to pretend that this didn't bother me. "You okay?" he looked at me with concerned eyes.

"I'm fine," I stated.

"No you're not," he countered. Dammit. He knew me too well for my own good.

"Rick, let's just go back to the prison," he nodded and I got in the passenger seat of the car. We were alone in this one and the other car would be taking the rest of the group back. I felt Rick's hand wrap around mine and initially I wanted to make a sarcastic comment about me being alone now and him making a move, but then I didn't. I just felt bad inside. I gripped Rick's hand and the tears fell from my cheeks. He pulled the car over to the side of the road and the other vehicle drove up to us. Maggie was driving that one.

"Meet us back there, we'll catch up," he said to her. Maggie nodded and drove on. "Sadie, talk to me."

"I...I...My face hurts...I don't even know what's wrong...I..." I trailed off and rubbed my crying eyes.

"Does this have to do with Daryl?"

"No...He...I get it. If Shane was here today, I would leave with him because he's family."

"Then what's the matter?" he asked. He was looking at me with his concerned blue eyes.

"Rick...I don't know. I...I need some air," I pulled the door handle and got out of the car. I crossed my arms and Rick was out there with me in a matter of seconds.

"Sadie you can't just keep bottling everythin' up. You saw what that did to me."

"What if I'm pregnant, Rick? What if I'm carrying Daryl's baby? He's gone. And then I'm going to die while having this baby," I started sobbing. "It'll be an orphan and then nobody can take care of it..." I wiped my eyes furiously and continued to cry.

"I'll be here for your baby," he promised.

"You shouldn't have to be," I cried. He wrapped his arms around me and I gave in to crying against his shoulder. I didn't do this, but I gave in.

"Sadie, I care about you, I'm here," he promised. I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head and that only made me cry more. I looked up at him, and I kissed him. I don't have a full answer as to why I did this. He kissed my back and it was a good kiss—a lot better than the one we had before. Even though my face was swollen. His hand was on my cheek when he pulled away. "This isn't something you wanna be doing. You're not thinking straight, get in the car," he kissed the top of my head and I did as he said. He was probably right. It had been a crazy couple of days.

On the drive back, I tried to figure out exactly why I had kissed Rick. Why I had cried to him and then I kissed him. Oh my God, I was irrational right now. What if I was pregnant and the hormones were getting to me. Maybe I was just crazy. Yeah, I was crazy. Not pregnant. Or I was making myself think I was pregnant and that was why I was having these crazy mood swings and stuff.

And then there was this whole thing with Rick. It scared me for Daryl to not be here and Rick was a good dad. Was that why I felt suddenly attracted to him? What was wrong with me? I needed to go be alone for a while. That would make me feel better. To be alone. To get away from everyone when we get back.

XxX

"I brought you dinner," I barely processed someone was walking into my cell until I heard a coo of a baby. I had been caught up in my mind. I saw the baby in Rick's arms and I gave them both a small smile.

"Thanks. But I'm not hungry," I replied.

"Carl came up with a name for her," he said, looking at the baby. I stood up and watched the baby. He offered her to me and I accepted the small bundle.

"What'd he decide?"

"Judith," Rick said.

"Judith," I said and the little girl smiled. "I think she likes it."

"I meant what I said, Sadie. She someone to be her mum..." Rick looked at me with the baby and I didn't know what to really say. I had expected him to forget all about that.

"Is this you trying to make a move on me?" I asked. "Just because I lost my friend with benefits today doesn't mean anything."

"As I recall, you were the one who kissed me earlier," he rose an eyebrow.

"Oh the silly details."

"And I said I would be a father to your baby," he added.

"But you're already a dad. I don't know how to be a mum."

"You'll learn," he promised. I looked at the girl in my arms again and I just didn't know what to say. This situation was fucked up. Rick and I weren't even a "couple"—not that I was asking for that, this situation was just fucking weird. Fuck. What the hell was I even supposed to do? Looking at baby Judith, I knew what my answer had to be.

"Okay," I agreed finally.

"Okay?" Rick looked at me surprised.

"You knew what you were doing when you handed her to me," I said. "You knew I wouldn't say no to her. She can't grow up as you for a mum. You'd raise her to be scared of boys," I smiled.

"Thank you, Sadie," he kissed my cheek and I almost wanted to kiss his lips again. I decided against it, though. I did care for Rick, but his wife had just died. And I knew him. He was a relationship guy. I didn't think I could commit to that sort of thing. I had always told myself I wouldn't do a real relationship unless I was sure that I had that kind of feelings for the other person. And as for Rick, I didn't know if I had true feelings for him. I didn't even know what I was doing right now.

For now, the only thing I would commit to was helping to raise Rick's kids.

 **AN: So, what do you think? Sadie agreeing to mother Rick's kids? That's a big step for her! Could Daryl's departure mean the true end to whatever their relationship was? Could this also mean a beginning of Rick and Sadie getting closer? Also, is Sadie pregnant? I'm leaving you all with so many questions! Feel free to weigh in to what you think the answers of these questions should/would be! And, I updated because I really felt like it haha.**


	25. Chapter 25

"How ya holdin' up?" Maggie asked as we sat on watch together. Everyone had tried to convince both of us to rest but she and I seemed to have trouble sleeping that night anyway.

"I'm fine," I said honestly. "Everyone asks me that like my husband just left me," I sighed. "Yes, I'm going to miss the sex, but I'm not heartbroken. It's fine, it's really, really fine. Trust me."

"I just meant your face...making sure you were feeling okay," Maggie replied.

"Oh..." I felt embarrassed now. "I'm fine. Honestly. I'm completely fine."

"Now that you've mentioned Daryl though..."

"Maggie don't. It's fine. Really. I understand why he did it. So there's no issue. I would've done the same thing."

"You sure? 'Cause to me, it seemed like a bit more than what you're making it out to be."

"No. I'm fine."

Eventually our watch ended and we made our way back into the cell block. I heard the faint cries of Judith and I went into Rick's cell. A shirtless Rick Grimes stood there holding the baby and seemed to look at me curiously.

"Sadie?" He asked, his voice hoarse with sleep.

"I thought...I just thought that if I'm supposed to be there for her like a mum...I should help with these nights," I said, feeling slightly embarrassed. Maybe this was actually stupid.

"Sure, she needs a bottle. Do you wanna...?" I nodded and headed to the common area. I prepared her bottle and I went back to Rick's cell. I accepted the baby from his arms and sat with her in the corner of the room. I fed Judith and very soon she fell back asleep in my arms. I set her in the make shift bed—aka the laundry basket with blankets. "You're so good with her," he whispered.

"I've been watching how everyone else handles her," I admitted. "I have the motherly instinct of a plastic wrapper. It's all from watching."

"I don't believe that for one second," Rick eyed me carefully.

"Well believe it, bub. Good night," I started to walk out but Rick looked like he was about to say something.

"Don't you want to stay in here...for when she walks up again?"

"Oh...um...yeah that would make sense."

"You don't have to."

"No, I want to. You're right." I pulled off my jacket and untied my shoes as he got back into the bed. It was silly that I briefly considered sleeping on the floor. We were two grown ass adults that were raising a baby together. A baby that was only blood related to one of us. We could sleep in the same damn bed without fucking each other. And if we couldn't. Then we had a serious problem. "You don't mind if I take off my jeans, right? They're too uncomfortable to sleep in." We could handle this like adults, it would be completely fine. It had to be if I was going to mother his children. We couldn't have an issue to where we felt like we had to be more than what we already were. That would make it so much harder.

"You want one of my shirts to sleep in? It'll be longer," Rick said, clearing his throat.

"Yeah. That'll work, " I replied. He grabbed a shirt and gave it to me. I turned away and undid the button on my pants. "No peeking, Grimes." I changed and I got into the bed with him. The bed was small and it would be impossible for the two of us to sleep there without touching. So, being as we were two grown ass adults, I rolled on my side and pressed my back to his front. "I wanna be a little spoon," I said with playful tone. But he didn't hesitate to wrap an arm around my middle.

"Good night, little spoon," he kissed my temple and he fell asleep quickly. But I was a different story.

Rick Grimes was truly everything a woman could want in a husband. He was sweet, family oriented, and a great father. But was he what I wanted? Hell, before I could answer that, I needed to figure out if I had any real feelings towards Daryl.

I would be the first person to admit that I had issues. And lots of them. I didn't do this relationship shit because I was bad at it. I didn't want to feel anything more than lust for anybody. That was how you got yourself hurt. But Rick wasn't the type of guy to just lust after. He was a family man. I didn't want to hurt him. And I didn't think he wanted to hurt me.

But Daryl...Daryl was a great man and he had his wonderful qualities too. He was brave and protective, and he could be great with kids. But he wasn't the typical family man. I doubted Daryl had ever thought much about marriage. I wondered if he had even had a serious relationship. You know what, it didn't matter. It didn't matter because Daryl wasn't fucking here. He was gone and that was all there was to it. So maybe whatever I may or may not have felt for him meant nothing. If he was gone, he no longer mattered. That left me to figure out the Rick issue on my own.

XxX

I was late morning when I finally crawled out of bed. I had taken over the rest of Rick's bed, since he was long gone. The laundry basket was empty and I didn't see my clothes anywhere. Dammit. I would have to walk through the block in just Rick's shirt. Making it look much worse than it was.

Y'know what? Fuck it. If they thought I was fucking Rick, oh fucking well. I strode out of the cell confidently. Prepared to run into any member of the group. When I actually left the metal doors, my confidence shattered. Standing before me was none other than Daryl Fucking Dixon. He gave me a look of something I couldn't quite place—disgust? Annoyance? Dare I say...hurt? What the fuck?

"When—" he walked away before I could even finish my question. I hurried after him. "Daryl! What the hell?" He continued to ignore me. "Daryl Dixon. Are you ignoring me? You've gotta be shitting me." I managed to grab his shoulder.

"'M gone fer a night an' ya jump in bed with 'im?" He shouted. Who the hell did he think he was to be pissed at me? If I slept with Rick, that was my business. Not his. We were never dating.

"Who fucking cares if I did?" I replied. "Why the hell would you even care?"

"Ya ain't stupid. How th'hell don' ya see it?"

"See what, Daryl?" I threw my hands up.

"Forget it," he turned to leave but I hurried in front of him, blocking his path.

"What are you talking about?" I whispered, looking at him carefully. But he never said a word. He just shoved me against the concrete wall of the prison and kissed me. I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. He lifted me from the ground and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I pulls my lips from his. "I didn't have sex with Rick. It's a long story, but that didn't even come close to happening," I touched the side of Daryl's face and a low growl emitted from his chest as he kissed me again.

I felt his lips and teeth all over my neck and I wrapped my fingers tightly around his greasy dark hair. I had missed kissing him, even though it hadn't even been very long. He then carried me into my cell from there.

 **AN: Happy Friday, everyone! I gave this a once over, I hope it still comes out okay. I kind of wrote this on my phone while I was at work yesterday, so that's the only reason there may be issues. I would love your reviews so much!**


	26. Chapter 26

"Daryl?" he and I both heard Rick's voice. Fuck. I pulled my lips from Daryl's and looked at him. I was atop his chest. My shirt and bra had been thrown across the room. Shit, I moved off of his chest and to the side. I slid under the covers to hide. I knew it probably wouldn't work, since we were in my cell and if he walked in, it would be obvious anyway. It seemed like Rick moved on, away from us. Daryl rolled over and hovered above me as he kept kissing me.

"Wait," I said. He pulled back and looked at me. I have to be honest with you. I don't know if I'm pregnant," I said. His eyes went from lustful to a mixture between anger and annoyance.

"Why th'hell did ya lie ta me? I never would've left if ya would've tol' me!"

"You just answered your own damn question," I stated, he rolled over and sat up. I pulled myself into a sitting position and covered my bare chest with my threadbare blankets.

"I ain't gonna be no deadbeat dad."

"Yes, but you have a responsibility to your brother. I would've been fine."

"Ya don' like ta let other people do stuff for ya, do ya?"

"You're the same way," I countered. "I don't want you to be tied down to me, Daryl."

"That wouldn' be th' worse thing," I heard him murmur. I looked over at him in surprise and he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Daryl," I said his name and he slowly turned his head to look at me, but his eyes were still downcast. "Do you...Do you have feelings other than the sexual feelings towards me?" I asked.

"Why th'fuck 're we talkin' 'bout feelin's?" he asked.

"Because you just said it wouldn't be the worst thing to be tied down to me!" I exclaimed. "You can't just say that and offer no explanation.

"Sadie, fuck," he stopped himself. "I dunno how ta explain it, I don' do this shit," he sighed. Oh my God, did Daryl Dixon have legitimate feelings for me? "Yer 'portant ta me..." He did! In his own Daryl way, he was telling me this. He was telling me that he really cared about me, in a way that wasn't just out of lust.

"Does that mean you want to be...exclusive?" I felt like boyfriend and girlfriend was such a juvenile way to put it. Exclusive was a better way to put it. That meant that I couldn't act upon whatever feelings I may or may not have for Rick. Plus, I never did this fucking shit. I didn't know how to do this fucking shit.

"Do ya wanna?"

"Fuck, I don't ever do this, Daryl. I've never done it, unless you count High School, I've never had anything _serious_ in my whole entire life. I really, really don't do anything like this."

"Shit, me neither," he replied, I assumed he agreed on all counts, then. How were we even supposed to make this work, if neither of us knew how to be in a real "relationship"?

"I don't even know how we go from here. Are you sure that this is something you want?" He looked at me for a long minute before nodding. This was so strange to me. Nevertheless, I kissed Daryl and went back to straddling over his lap.

XxX

Dinner was awkward, to say the least. Merle sat across from Daryl—who was next to me. I sent him glares from across the table.

"Ya got somethin' ta say?" he asked, watching me.

"I've got plenty to say," I scoffed.

"'Course ya do."

"You have no idea how much I wanna kick your ass," I said from across the table.

"And why's that, sugar tits?"

"Because you're a chauvinistic son of a bitch!" I exclaimed. "You're the one who told that asshole to beat me up! You fucking kidnapped me and you clearly did something to this group!"

"What makes you miss high an' mighty?" he asked, annoyed tone. "That 'cause ya was fuckin' _Officer Grimes_ why my baby brother was gone? That why ya feel so empowered?"

"Fuck you, dickbag! You act like you know me. And you fucking don't."

"Ya act like ya know me!" he exclaimed in response. I stood up, unable to deal with his bullshit.

"That's because I do! You're a disrespectful asshole who doesn't care about anybody but himself!"

"An' yer lil' miss perfect, gettin' respect by sleepin' with whoever!"

"Fuck you, that's not even how that works. I have never in my life claimed to be anywhere near perfect! The only person in this group that I've ever even slept with is your brother!" I started to walk off, just done with his complete bullshit.

"Who you gonna run off ta fuck now?" he asked, his tone mocking.

"Merle—" I heard Daryl start but Merle didn't quit.

"Don' matter, yer jus' a little whore anyway. Only thing my brother wants with ya is a place to put his—" As Merle was standing at this point, I did the only thing I could do to shut him the fuck up. I punched him right in his face. He seemed only slightly phased by this, so I quickly swung again, nailing him right in the nose.

"I may be a whore, but at least I care about people other than myself," I told him through gritted teeth. That son of a bitch made my blood boil. I just wanted to hit him again. But God, my right hand was killing me. I hurried out of the common area and back into the cell block. I shook out my hand, trying to get the pain to stop. Just what a fucking needed. A fucked up hand and a fucked up face. Great, it was like a matching set.

"Ya a'right?" the voice belonged to Daryl, that much I knew.

"I'm fine. He's just such an asshole. How are the two of you even related?" I chewed on my lip when I turned to face him. Daryl just shrugged.

"Ya got 'im pretty good. Started bleedin' everywhere after ya walked out."

"Good. Look, I'm sorry, I know he's your brother and all—"

"He can handle 'imself. An' so can you. That's why I didn' get into it with ya."

"I appreciate that. And I'm never going to ask you to choose a side between me and him. That wouldn't be fair," I told him and he nodded, seeming to understand what I meant.

"By the way, yer not a whore," he added. "He don' know what he's talkin' 'bout."

"Maybe I am. I don't know. But it doesn't fucking matter. I'll kick his ass any day."

"No, ya don' need ta do that."

"And why not?"

"'Cause," he said. "Lemme see yer hand." It wasn't a request. Daryl took my right hand and touched each of the fingers individually. "Prolly gonna bruise but not much else," he informed me.

"Thanks," I replied. "I'll live then?"

"Mm hmm," he nodded. "Finish eatin'."

"I don't want any more," I replied.

"Sadie," his voice made it obvious that wasn't a question either. Goddammit. There were obvious reason as to why I should eat. Well possible reasons as well as the other obvious ones. Like the chance that we could have to flee from here. Any meal could be your last. I sat at the table and Merle had vacated the area. Good. Lousy asshole. I didn't want to deal with his shit anyway.

 **AN: I know a while ago some of you mentioned you wondered what it would look like with Sadie and Merle. Well there it is. Clearly the two don't get along. Don't get used to these frequent updates lol. But, I mean maybe you could. I really want to get this story to 100 reviews. It's decently close...I'm going to leave you guys with a question, one that I would like your opinion on...Should Sadie actually be pregnant?**


	27. Chapter 27

It was time. It had been an entire week since Merle arrived at the prison. I had tried not to talk to him. Daryl's things had slowly started to stay in my room, at first it was a pair of pants. Then a shirt. And now, his entire bag of like three shirts and two pairs of pants lived in my cell. Along with his crossbow. He slept in here with me. Which was so fucking weird. We'd had so much sex in the last week, I didn't know if I could handle much more of this! I wasn't complaining though.

I hadn't spoken much to the woman who had joined our group while I was gone. She was an African American woman with long dread locks. She carried a Katana around and she didn't talk much. I didn't know much about her, but she seemed like a strong person.

As I found myself alone in my cell, a rare occurrence lately, I looked at the box in my hands and I felt the nervousness set in. Fuck. I couldn't do this. Could someone else pee on this stupid stick for me? That wouldn't work. But this could be inaccurate. I knew that. But it was the best technology we had in the current state. I set it on the table in my room and sighed. I couldn't do this. I didn't even have to fucking pee.

Regardless, I decided that I must. I could probably pee enough to take the fucking test. Once I went to the common bathroom—being as we didn't use the toilets in our cells—I took the test and returned. I knew I would have to wait the three minutes before I could know for sure. As I sat, starting at the test, I heard someone walk into the cell. I looked up to see Daryl.

"Hey," I greeted.

"What's that?" he asked, looking at the stick in my hands.

"It's the test..." I said, looking at it.

"What's it say?"

"I don't know yet. I've gotta wait another minute," I chewed on my lip nervously.

"It'll be fine, no matter what," he said.

"Thanks," I smiled sadly. We sat in awkward silence for a whole minute and when the results finally showed up, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"What's it mean?"

"I'm not pregnant! Fucking yes!" I straddled his lap without a another thought, the test being forgotten somewhere. I kissed him, and kissed him again. His hands came to rest on my hips. I pulled back a moment later and smiled genuinely at him. "I wasn't ready to have a baby, Daryl."

"Me neither," he admitted.

"I'm just so happy that I'm not. I don't have my shit enough together. Like being a part of Judith's life is more than enough."

"Would've been fine if ya were, jus' glad yer not."

"Me too," I laughed. I kissed him again before getting off his lap.

XxX

Later that day, Andrea came by the prison. I didn't know why the fuck she was here. Apparently she was in that awful little town with that evil sadistic man. _The Governor_. He seemed like the type to give himself such a stupid name. Such a stupid name that made him seem like he was so in control and powerful. Asshole.

She told Rick that they wanted to have some sort of meeting between the two groups. I didn't trust the guy, but Rick agreed anyway. Andrea stayed for a few hours and while I was feeding Judith and sitting on the stairs.

"Who is this?" the blonde asked, looking at the baby.

"Judith," I said, rocking her in my arms.

"Is she yours?"

"Yeah," I looked down at the baby. "More or less," I smiled. "I'm here for her...And that's what really matters..."

"Well that's good," she agreed.

"Can I hold her?"

"No," I said. I didn't see a point in beating around the bush. Bottom line was that I didn't want Andrea to hold her. "I don't want you to hold her. You're too close with _him_. I can't trust you," I stood up, Judith still in my arms and returned to my cell. I didn't want to be around her. She could fuck off. It wasn't like I exactly liked her to begin with, but I didn't like her even more now.

XxX

That night, I was on watch with Rick. I couldn't sleep so well tonight. I was overly excited at the fact that I wasn't pregnant. And he enjoyed being on watch most nights as well. Plus, I needed to tell him the good news.

"I'm not pregnant," I said.

"That's good news, right?"

"Yeah, it is," I nodded. "Now I don't have to worry about dying in labour."

"You would've been a great mum, either way. You are to Judith."

"I want to go with you, to this meeting thing," I said, changing the subject.

"Ya think that's a good idea?" he asked.

"Why the hell wouldn't it be?"

"Sadie, you've got the Walsh temper. How do I know when you see him, you kill him?"

"Because I won't," I shrugged.

 **AN: I'm sorry that this chapter sucks. I couldn't get much out. I'll probably do a rewrite soon. I just could not get any ideas out. I'm sorry :(. But, I'm also really glad that you all did not want Sadie to be pregnant. I kind of didn't want that just yet either, so it worked out well. Thank you guys for those reviews, I would love to know what you think as the story goes forward. Thanks :)**


	28. Chapter 28

My arms were around Daryl's middle as he drove his motorcycle to the meeting spot. Today, we were meeting with the Governor for whatever reason. I had promised Rick that I wouldn't do anything rash. That was a promise that I desperately wanted to break.

We arrived shortly before the Governor's group did. With him, he had Andrea, a nerdy looking guy, and an angry looking Hispanic man I recognised from before. The only two permitted within the meeting place—it was like a feed mill or something—were Rick and the Governor. I sat outside of it with Hershel, Daryl, and the Governor's group. Hershel was talking to the nerdy guy—apparently his name was Milton—and Andrea wasn't saying much of anything. Which was a first. When walkers approached from our left, Daryl and the Hispanic guy went to go take care of it. I would have joined them, had Daryl not given me a look to stay away. I could have always fought him on it, but I decided it better to stay, anyway.

I sat quietly with the group outside of the mill and tried to figure out if I would have a chance to take a shot at the Governor. I knew that I had told Rick I wouldn't...but that bastard deserved it! He deserved to be murdered several times over! He was evil! Hell, that fucking Governor deserved to be a lot worse than murdered. He deserved to feel all the pain in the world. That sadistic asshole. It wasn't just what he had done to me, honest. Like that was fucked up. But combine that to what he had done to Maggie and the idea that if he would do that to us, he would do that to anyone. He was just fucked up.

"So which one are you with? I'm confused. Or is it both?" Andrea asked me. I was taken aback by her question. Who the hell did she think she was.

"It's none of your goddamn business. At least I'm not fucking Satan himself."

"It was just a question!" she exclaimed, I caught what she was trying to do. Play the victim. Fuck her.

"No, it was an intentional jab at me, just to get under my skin. So excuse the hell out of you. We all have the freedom to sleep with whomever we damn well please. So if I want to fuck Daryl _and_ Rick, I can and you can fall off your fucking high horse."

"Sadie," Hershel's voice was warning. It was a fatherly tone that surprised me. I was used to being scolded by Rick—even Daryl at times, mostly when I would be too sexually inappropriate in front of everyone else—but a genuine fatherly tone threw me. "We don't need to start a fight, come with with me."

I found myself obliging to Hershel's wish. This was weird. When did I ever listen to anybody? Only when I thought it benefited me, really. I was my own person. Why did I have to listen to others? Well, I supposed that this was a special case.

XxX

Eventually Rick and the Governor came out of the mill and Rick's expression was a straight line on his face. He didn't give away anything that he was feeling at that moment. Daryl had returned with the Hispanic man—Martinez, a short while ago, and I supposed that we were heading out. I would have to wait until we got back to the prison to find out what had gone on within the mill. I climbed on the back of the bike with Daryl and we sped back home. Home. Could I really call the prison my home? I never thought I would end up in prison...let alone believe it was my home.

Although, if I was in prison, I kind of always thought that I would have a bitch. That I'd be like that dominate person and I'd take on a prison bitch so that I wouldn't have to do things. I had that kind of personality, I thought. I mean at least I hadn't ended up as someone's bitch. Sure Daryl and I were a thing, but he didn't treat me as a lesser party. He would be the dominate one most of the time, but I also took the lead, so it worked.

We got back to the prison and Carl walked out with Judith and Rick and I both made our way over to the children. Carl handed me Judith—I was still getting used to this whole mother thing—but she smiled at me and I smiled back. I was so shocked at how comfortable I was with her. It was...weird.

"How's Lil' Ass Kicker?" Daryl asked, coming to my side.

"She's been calm today," Carl answered.

"You wanna hold her?" I asked, looking at him. He seemed to hesitate before nodding. I passed the baby to Daryl and it also amazed me how cute he was with her. I really loved watching him with Judith. It was that inner girl inside of me that just begged to get out.

XxX

The next day, I sat up in the watch tower with Carl. I sat on the edge with my feet swinging over the two story drop.

"So what's new, Kiddo?" I asked.

"Judith is growing so fast," he commented.

"She is, isn't she?" I smiled. "But I asked about you. What's up with you?" he just shrugged.

"What about you, Sadie?"

"Well, I'm getting used to this whole _mum_ thing. It's different. But I like it...I like caring for Judith. And for you," I looked over my shoulder at him and he smiled at me. I loved his cute little freckled cheeks. God, was I going crazy? Was I going soft? Smack me upside my head. I heard the door to the tower open and I looked to see Carol coming up along with Glenn.

"Is our watch already over?" Carl asked.

"Indeed it is," Carol smiled. I returned it and headed back into the prison. As I got back into the cell block, I heard Merle's voice.

"C'mere," he said.

"I'm not a fucking dog," I replied. "Do you have something to say to me?"

Rolling his eyes, he let out a sigh. "Ya always gotta be such a pain in my ass?"

"It wouldn't be fun if I wasn't!" I exclaimed. "Besides, it's only fun for me because we're not friends, so," I shrugged and started to move on.

"I wanna talk to you."

"What do we have to talk about? I don't like you and you don't like me. I don't try to _talk_ to people that I don't like."

"Yeah, me neither. Jus' come talk ta me, 'kay?"

"Say please, you redneck bastard."

"Forget it," he scoffed.

Deciding that he was Daryl's brother and I should get him a chance, I called him back. "What is it, Merle?" I watched as he turned back around and we headed to a secluded place to talk.

"Look, I kno' ya don' like me an' trust me, sugar tits, the feelin's mutual. Bu' for whatever reason, my baby brother's gone sweet on ya. He's the sensitive one, so don' ya dare hurt 'im. I won' be 'round forever, so I jus' don' want ya ta turn out to be a bitch—ta him anyways."

"Yeah, yeah. I care about your brother, okay? I'm not going to do a dance on his heart. I get it, he's a genuinely great man and I'd smack myself if I hurt him. You done being sappy? I'm not used to that side of you, Dixon."

"I ain't sappy."

"Okay," I rolled my eyes. He loved Daryl and I thought that was sweet. But I still didn't need a Goddamn lecture from his redneck ass. I wasn't going to hurt Daryl. That would be pointless...It would hurt me too much too. Daryl deserved someone to love him and show him that they cared—for him, words were nearly meaningless. He needed to see it to believe it—I understood that because I was the same way. I knew that I would do everything in my power to show Daryl that I cared about him. I didn't know about love, I wasn't there yet, but maybe, just maybe, I could love Daryl.

 **AN: So there was chapter 28. I hope you liked it, regardless of the fact that I felt like I rambled a bit. I'd love your reviews. Like I've said, I really want to get to 100! That would be amazing, please help me with that :)**


	29. Chapter 29

"Are you fucking crazy?" I shouted glaring at Merle Dixon. I swore I was going to hit that man. He sat across from me at the breakfast table and I knew that we had drawn plenty of attention around the room. Did I give a fuck? Um, absolutely fucking not. The group should know by now that I was crazy enough to have a shouting match with Merle.

"No, but ya 're!" Merle shouted, also standing.

"Daryl, help me out here, how the hell is your brother such a fucking asshole?"

"'M not an asshole for having an opinion."

"Fine, maybe not for that, but you've gotta admit, you're a fucking asshole."

"What are you two even arguing about?" Rick asked from his spot on my right—Daryl was on my left.

"He thinks that a fucking _Ford_ truck is better than a _Chevy_ one."

"That's what you're arguing about?" Maggie asked.

"We've gotta argue about something, don't we? I'm not just going to get along with _Merle_."

"What's that 'possed to mean?" he asked.

"Whatever the hell I want it to," I grabbed my bowl with the shitty—flavourless—oatmeal. I took my last bite before taking it to the sink area. Carol smiled and took my bowl from my hands to wash. "I can clean that out—"

"Don't worry about it," she said. "I got it."

"Thanks..."

The new woman, Michonne, was in the watch tower with Glenn. I was kind of surprised that she was up there, since she was new in all. But she was with Glenn, so I wasn't really worried. I just had expected someone to feel the uncomfortable about that whole thing, but if they weren't I didn't have a place to give a fuck. I went over to Rick and looked at the time on his watch.

"Are you ready?" I asked Daryl. We had the next watch shift together.

"Gimme a minute. Go get what ya needed to from yer cell," he said.

"Oh right," I had forgot that I needed my extra clip for my glock as well as my leather jacket. "I'll be right back," I said, kissing his cheek and headed back to my cell. It felt more like _ours_ , but nevertheless, I supposed it was still mine. We hadn't talked about moving in together so I guess it wasn't official.

Eventually, we got out to the tower and I watched as he watched everything else. He had such a ruggedly handsome face. He wasn't handsome in the conventional sense—kind of like Rick, I would consider Rick to be an average type of handsome.

"Why're ya starin' at me?" he asked.

"You're pretty," I said. He gave me a look that screamed _What the fuck?_ "I mean...I don't know, I think you're very handsome, Daryl." It was also a great way to distract him from whatever he was thinking about.

"Ya shoul' probably get yer eyes checked. I ain't seen any glasses 'round here though, so even if ya need 'em, we ain't got 'em."

"Oh stop," I said, walking over and wrapping my arms around his shoulders and neck.

"Sadie, we're on watch."

"We could have a quickie up here, nobody would know."

"We can' quit watchin' for tha' long."

"What if I just," I reached for his belt and he gave me a surprised look.

"Stop, a'right. Later."

"Damn, you're no fun." I leaned against the railing and his blue eyes met mine for a minute before I grinned. "Now I've got you thinking about it huh?" He glared at me, but in the most playful way possible. "I could get on my knees right now...You know I give great head, Daryl," I smirked watching his jaw tighten. "I'd even—"

"'Nough," he said. "When we get off watch," he said through clenched teeth.

"Am I driving you mad yet?" I asked.

"Why're ya like that?"

"Like what? A tease?"

"Mm hm."

"It's fun," I shrugged. "Besides, I'm not really a tease. We have lots of sex. Lots of great sex."

XxX

Daryl and I had just gotten back to my cell and things were starting to heat up. When there was a fucking knock on the cell door.

"Fuck everything," I groaned. Daryl stayed on my bed, belt undone while I went to the cell door—we had a privacy blanket up so nobody could see inside.

"Sorry to bother you," Rick said, taking note of my disheveled appearance. "I just...I need to talk to Daryl."

"Can't it wait?" I asked in an annoyed whisper.

"'S about Merle."

"What 'bout my brother?" the metal of Daryl's belt started to clang against itself while he put it back on. I found myself wanting to laugh a little at the awkwardness as Daryl made his way to my side.

"Maybe we should talk alone," Rick suggested.

"Are you trying to block me out?" I asked, glaring at the two of them.

"I'll be back, Sadie," Daryl said, following Rick.

"Fine, the longer you're gone, the more tempted I'll be to take care of myself," I shrugged. He just rolled his eyes and went with Rick.

XxX

After over an hour, and having already helped myself, I gave up on waiting for Daryl. I went off in search of Rick and I found him rather quickly.

"Have you seen Daryl?" I asked.

"Sadie...Don't get mad at me but—" Rick started, but I cut him off quickly.

"Where the hell is he? Fucking spit it out," I snapped.

"Is this all because I interrupted the two of you?"

"No. This is all because I want to know where my fucking boyfriend is."

"Merle went to do something...I thought it was a good idea at the time, but now, now I know better. That was why I needed Daryl to go after him. He's going to be back, Sadie. I know he will."

"That's not what I'm worried about! I know he'll be back. He's Daryl. I just don't know when the hell he'll be here. Okay?"

"Fine, whatever you say. You're just worried about him not coming back. But Sadie, this was important."

"Whatever. He'll be back soon."

 **AN: I'm so sorry that it took so damn long for me to update. I've been so busy with work/school (I'm actually working 40 hours this week, for once and I've been so tired all week). Plus, my friend has me writing this Ed Sheeran fanfic and it's had me a bit distracted. I'd love to get some more reviews. I'm running short on ideas, so I'd like some if you've got them :)**

 **P.S. I'm really sorry it's so short! I will certainly try to make it longer for next time. It had just been five whole days since I updated, and that felt like a long time!**


	30. Chapter 30

What the hell was I doing? Daryl was fine on his own. He didn't need me to come and rescue him. He really didn't. But I was doing it anyway. What kind of person was I? A stupid one. Daryl would only be pissed at me when I got there because he would be fine. Unless of course he wasn't...Then...Then I didn't know what I would do. Daryl meant a lot to me and if he was dead out here—or worse, a walker. I didn't know what I would do. I would probably go just as crazy as Rick had. If not even crazier!

I pulled into the lot where the feed mill place was, and parked the SUV. I climbed out—I was alone, mostly because I hadn't really told anybody I was leaving. I had told Carl because I knew he would be able to tell anyone if they got worried about me and he wouldn't be able to come looking for me. It was really the best case scenario there was. Plus, I didn't think that Carl would be the one to go and tattle on me.

I crept around the property, trying to stay vigilant, watching for any signs of walkers, but the ones I found were primarily dead ones. By the time I came across the only thing that seemed to be living, I was surrounded by twice dead people. In the centre of it all, I recognised Daryl's form. I felt my stomach drop when because he was mostly still. I didn't know if he was alive or dead. That was what had me so worried. What if he was a walker? Oh God, I hadn't prepared myself enough for this.

I dared to say his name out loud. It was the only thing that I could think of to be logical. If he was a walker and I touched him, he would bite me. At least this way, I would have time to do the only thing I could really do. If Daryl was a walker, I would put him down. That would be what he would want. Before I said Daryl's name though, I looked to my right and I noticed Merle's fallen body. Oh God. Merle was dead. He had clearly been a walker before he had been put down...

"Daryl," I said, finally, I didn't have much more time to consider things.

The dark haired man before me turned around quickly and pointed a crossbow at my face. When he saw it was me, he lowered it and I could see the tear streaks on his face. Daryl was crying. Daryl. Was. Crying. "Daryl..." I said and he wiped his eyes quickly. He started to stand and rush away, but I couldn't have that. "Don't you dare fucking shut me out. Talk to me. If you're crying, cry. You're the toughest man I've ever met. Talk to me."

"I don' need to talk, Sadie! He's dead. My brother's dead."

"Okay, fine, don't talk. Let's bury him, he deserves a proper burial," Daryl seemed to like this idea. I grabbed a shovel from the back of the SUV and I started on a hole but Daryl took it from me without words. He went to digging the hole for Merle's body. I wasn't really sentimental, but I knew that I would have wanted this for Shane, if I had the opportunity. Knowing Daryl wouldn't let me help, I sat beside the hole and kept quiet. He had to do this himself—he and I were a lot alike in most aspects. This one included. He was just as stubborn as me. He had to do things for himself.

Eventually, we wordlessly got back in the SUV and headed towards the prison. I didn't say a word to him, if he wanted to talk, he would talk. I didn't want to push him. That wasn't what Daryl was about. He didn't just tell me what he felt. That was Daryl.

It did, however, surprise me when his hand gripped mine while I drove. I looked over at me and I kissed me. He kissed me in the way that told me that he wanted to do much more than just kiss. I pulled back and gave him a questioning look. He hit the lock button on the car and pulled me closer over to him. I climbed over the middle to straddle his lap.

He kissed me passionately. Maybe this was his way of not telling me he felt anything, but still feeling something and not pushing me away. "We have to be quick," I told him, seriously. We couldn't have long, passionate, amazing, sex. We had to finish quickly because we needed to get back to the prison before any of the walkers came across us. I didn't want to jeopardise our lives just to have sex. No matter how great it was.

"We'll be fast," he promised.

"Do you have a condom?" I asked. He nodded.

XxX

When we got to the prison, Daryl took watch—insisting to be up there alone. I went inside and Rick caught me as soon as I walked in.

"What happened out there?" he asked, as he held Judith.

"It's Merle...he's...dead," I said and Rick nodded in understanding. He passed Judith off to me and I held her, smiling slightly.

"Daryl isn't taking it well, is he?"

"How well would you take it if your brother was dead. Give him some space. He'll be okay. In time. He needs to deal with it in his own way. Just like you did with Lori," I stated.

"Fair enough," Rick agreed. He knew I was right. Daryl would be okay. He just needed to accept that Merle was gone, but that would take time. It took me a long time to fully accept that Shane was really gone. Sure, Merle had been away from the group for a while before he came back, but it would be another adjustment for Daryl. From what I had gathered, Merle was the only one who may have slightly ever given a damn about him. And loosing that person was a hard thing to overcome.

"She's the sweetest little thing," I said, kissing Judith's head.

"You're a good mum," he stated, looking from her to me. I just kind of shrugged. It wasn't hard to mother Judith. She was a baby. Give her all of the basic needs and she would be fine. She didn't require a whole lot. Food, clean diaper, sleep, and love. That was about it. It wasn't hard to give her those things. The hard parts would come later in her life. When she started liking boys—that was if there were any boys her age around.

But all of that would come later. All of that would come years from now and I didn't have to worry about it. For now, I had to help Daryl as best as I could.

 **AN: This chapter was so hard to write—at the same time as it being easy. That doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry. I really hope you all liked this. We are so close to 100 reviews. Please, please, please help me hit 100 with this chapter. That would be so great! 30 chapters, 100 reviews. Please! I'M BEGGING YOU ALL!**

 **P.S. this chapter was longer than the last (by 100 words lol) But I did say it would be longer!**


	31. Chapter 31

I felt like I was on babysitting duty. I knew that I was much more useful somewhere else. In the middle of it all. I was a fucking doctor. I could help to help to heal people if I needed to. Instead, during the attack on the Governor, I would spend my time with Carl, Judith, Hershel, and Beth. It wasn't that I had anything against them...I just felt like I wasn't doing as much as I could be. Plus, Rick and Daryl were out there. They were important to me...I mean, I supposed I saw Rick's side of things to. For me to stay out here, with his children, he saw it as they would be protected. They would have a parent left, no matter what happened. From this point, I knew that all I could really do was hope for the best and prepared for the worst. If Rick and or Daryl did not come back, I would be hurt. That was an understatement. But I would have to push forward. I would have to because there were two children out here who needed me.

"I could be with them, y'know. I'm not a kid," Carl said with a sour tone. He was still a kid, at least in a legal sense. But then again, who cared about legality anymore. I don't know. The old world still influenced some of my thoughts.

"Yeah, I know. And your dad knows that too. You're practically an adult now," I decided that I should go with what he was saying. Just to see where he was actually going with all of this.

"If he knows it, why the hell am I out here and not fighting? With everybody else." He stated.

"Because someone needs to protect Judith. Who better than her big brother?"

"That's what you're here for. We all know you can take care of yourself. Everyone thinks that I can't."

"Carl, just because you're here and not there, doesn't mean that you're not tough enough to be with them. I was just thinking about the same thing...But we're strong, we are. We don't need to be on that mission to know that. So just smile and one day, you will be with everyone else, fighting for the safety of the group."

"But that's where I want to be. Not here," he complained. I knew that he saw my reason, and that was all that really mattered.

"Smile, you're alive," I said with a shrug. "And they'll come back alive too."

"How are you so confident in that?"

"I wouldn't say I'm confident, I just kind of assume it's going to happen at this point. If it doesn't, we'll figure it out when we get there."

Before Carl could say anything else, Judith let out a whine from within the car. I climbed inside to be with her. I took her from the baby seat and held her in my arms. She cooed at me and I smiled softly at the baby.

All at once, things went from calm to tense. I heard a gunshot. Baby still in my arms, I hurried out of the car and drew my gun. There was a boy about Carl's age on the ground. Dead. Shot.

"What the hell happened?" I asked.

"He was going to kill us," Carl stated. "He could've killed us," he repeated. His hands shook as he held his gun and I tucked my own weapon away as Beth took Judith from my arms. I put my hands on Carl's gun—as it was still raised—and lowered it slowly. He had a face void of all emotions, but I could tell. He felt wrong. Carl had never killed anyone and I knew that his first kill of a human being had to be painful—I had yet to kill a living, breathing, human being, actually.

"You're okay. We're okay." He didn't say anything though. He just stared at me with his bright blue eyes. He was just there. But at the same time, he wasn't here. He was someone else, mentally.

XxX

It took a long time before we were allowed to return to the prison. Once everything was cleared, we were allowed back. Daryl greeted me with a quick nod before pressing a very brief kiss to my lips. Rick rubbed his hand on my shoulder briefly and then looked to Carl. He started towards his son, but I stopped him.

"Something happened out there," I stated.

"What?" he asked, looking at me, worried expression covering his features.

"Let's walk," I said. He and I went to talk alone in a space away from

"Sadie, what happened?"

"Carl...he had to do something. He had to kill a boy today—someone not much older than himself. I was in the car with Judith and I hear this gunshot. I don't fully know what the fuck happened, but apparently he thought this was important. I don't think he's taking it too well. You need to talk to him. He needs you right now, Rick. I don't know what to say...I...I've never killed anyone." Come to think of it, Carl did kill Lori, but that was different. Mercy kills weren't the same as killing someone who was on their way out already.

"Okay," he agreed. Rick saw my reasoning, that was what made me think we may be able to be parents together, moving forward.

XxX

They brought back members of the Woodbury camp. Apparently the Governor had gone crazy and killed members of his own group so now, since we had the space, we were taking in the remaining group members.

I didn't know how to feel about this. But I mean overall, the day hadn't ended as badly as it could have. The people I cared about were still here. We lived to fight another day. As for the other group, we'd have to see where that went.

 **AN: Sorry it's short. But y'know...I have yet to hit the 100 reviews so...so who's fault is that? :) JK! We've got like a blizzard going on here so if you give me some love in the reviews, I might post a bit for you tomorrow too. Anyway, Happy RETURN OF THE WALKING DEAD (I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, sorry, not sorry, so we'll just celebrate this). Oh well, enjoy the episode tonight. I know I will!**

 **P.S. I'm kind of messing with the idea of making the gap between season three and season four last like two years instead of like one. Part of me wants Judith to be older, for purposes of this story. I would like to know what all of you think, so there is something else for you to review about :) you know since I'm only four away from 100 and I'm completely free for all of today :)**


	32. Chapter 32

From the cell block, I carried Judith out to our little crops. Rick―or Farmer Rick, as I liked to call him―was out there, tending to the crops. When I arrived, he looked up from the dirt he was working on―this was not something I understood. I had never even been big on gardening. It was all dirt and plants to me.

"Hey," he greeted, smiling at me.

"Hey," I handed him a bottle of water. "It's hot as hell out here, thought you might want a drink," I passed him the water.

"Thank you."

"And I thought Judith might want to see her daddy," I added, holding the three month old up. She had gotten so much bigger in the past couple of months. He planted a kiss to the top of her head.

"Thanks, Sadie," he smiled genuinely.

"Of course," I replied. "I just thought I'd say bye before I headed out."

"I completely forgot..." he said. I was going on a run with Daryl today. He and I were going alone. I knew that worried Rick a little, but we would be fine. Plus, being inside of these walls was driving me mad. I needed free, at least for a short while. And that was it. "I wish you wouldn't go," he added.

"Well tough shit. Just because you swore off the life of violence, doesn't mean I have to," I said. "Mommy's going to go kick some butt," I said, making Judith smile. That was another thing, in the last three months―maybe it was the influence of Judith and the others in the group, maybe even the new people from Woodbury―but anyway, I really did see myself as the protective mother of Judith.

"Just be careful, all right?"

"I will," I said, smiling at him. "I have to, for this little one," I kissed Judith's head.

"Good," he smiled. He pulled the both of us into a brief hug and kissed the top of my head. I loved Rick―not like in love with him, but I loved him. He was a great friend to me and he was a great father.

"I'll see you in a few hours," I said, heading back to the prison. I took Judith to Beth's cell and she told me to be safe, then I went up to mine and Daryl's cell. Daryl was in there, grabbing his crossbow, among other things. I pulled off my shirt and grabbed another from my bag. I caught Daryl's eyes on me and I laughed a little. "Can I help you, Mr. Dixon?" I asked, not putting my new shirt on. I stood there in just a bra, which I actually needed to change. It was one of my nice ones―that wasn't stained with walker blood and sweat and grossness.

"Ya 'bout ready?" he cleared his voice, trying to not to look at my mostly naked body. I found a chance to tease him a bit.

"Almost," I reached around my back and started to unhook my bra. "Can you unhook this?" I asked, turning my back to him. I felt his calloused fingers on my back as he slowly undid my bra. I turned back to face him, my hands holding my bra up. I pressed a kiss to his lips and he pulled back a second later.

"We don' have time for this."

"But Daryl," I whined. "I really want to..." I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again. I kissed his cheek, then his jaw, and then his neck. "Please, just...We can take the time...It'll be okay."

He emitted a growl from somewhere low in his chest before pulling back from me. "We gotta go," he stated, kissing the top of my head. "So put somethin' on an' stop temptin' me."

I grinned and kissed him one more time. "Only if you promise that when we get home we'll have some really hot sex, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed. I changed my shirt and bra quickly before the both of us headed out. I knew why he wanted to leave, it was already light outside, only a short while past dawn, but we did need to get going so we'd be back before dark. He hopped into the driver seat of the SUV and I got in the passenger seat.

XxX

We scavenged and found quite a few useful things. Daryl and I were in a drug store and I grinned when I found a box. I tossed it at him and he caught it, sending a smirk my way.

"Not 'til we get back," he stated.

"I know, I know," I grinned. "They're always nice to find though." He tossed the box of condoms back to me and I slipped them into my bag.

"Are we about done here?" We were searching the shops in a small town that was about twenty miles from the prison. The two seemed deserted, and like it had been since very soon after the end of days. It was mostly clean and empty of corpses.

Daryl and I did one final sweep of the store, not finding much else of use. We took back all of the personal hygiene products we could find. Bathing was a nice feeling to have, especially if you had soap.

"Ready to head out?" I asked, adjusting my bag on my arm, to keep it from falling onto the floor. He nodded and we started moving side by side out of the store. We were in the back, a good fifty feet from the front and our view was blocked from there.

That was the reason that fear shot through both of us as the bell to the front door rang. Shit. Who could be there? Mother fucker. I didn't know what to do. I looked at Daryl and he grabbed my arm.

"I know I seened two of 'em come in here," someone said in a terribly thick hick accent—nothing like Daryl's Georgian Draw, more like the accent of an inbred mountain folk.

"Ya sure 'bout that. I ain't seen nothin' in here," the other said, accent equally as thick.

"I'm sure! Dere was a pretty lil' thang. Blonde hair. Got a nice set a tits on 'er too."

"If ya says so." Fuck, why were they even here? They had seen us? The town had seemed clear.

There were two of them. That was for sure. I just couldn't tell if there happened to be more. What if there were? That could be bad. Two on two was at least kind of equal. Any more would make it unfair. Daryl grabbed my arm and tried to hurry me around the store, around the men. We successfully made it out of the building. Only to be stopped by a big, obese man in a pair of overalls with half a dozen missing teeth. Of course he had to fit every Goddamn stereotype there was about hicks out there. Even if I was with a redneck, Daryl was nothing like this creep! God, I didn't even know what to do. Before I could come up with some sort of witty remark towards him, I saw stars and felt the cool concrete beneath my face.

 **AN: COME ON WE ARE SO FRIGGIN' CLOSE! I had most of this chapter finished already, but what do you think? Do you like what I've added so far? Let me know! I may decide to take this story into a whole different direction, I'm not sure yet. Please give me reviews. I get sad if I don't have any :(**


	33. Chapter 33

Blood. That was the first thing to enter my line of sight. But the blood wasn't mine. It was coming from Daryl. Somehow, that made it even worse. I felt sick to my stomach. Our weapons had been stripped from us and they were in a pile near my head. I didn't dare move. I didn't want them to realise that I was awake yet. I needed to formulate a plan before I could move. If I could just reach, Daryl's hunting knife was almost within reach. If I could get that, I would be able to protect myself.

"Watch tha' 'in," I heard one of the men say. I didn't know who they were talking about. Fuck. I hardly even knew what the fuck they were saying, between their accents and their missing teeth.

"Ya was righ', this 'in sure does have a nice pair a tits on 'er." I hated that derogatory type of speech. I wasn't a feminist or anything like that, but I wanted respect. Not to be looked at like just, 'a nice pair of tits'. I was on my stomach on the ground, I believed that we were outside of the drug store.

I felt a hand on the waistband of my pants and I immediately cringed. In that one moment, I knew that I had to act. I lunged forward, scraping my arm as I grabbed the hunting knife. I felt my wrist be pinned to the ground and I let out a yell in frustration. I propelled my lower legs upwards and kicked him right where it hurt. The balding and practically toothless man doubled over in pain. I lunged for the other man and managed to lodge my knife in his chest. He coughed up hip own blood.

I felt my slide burn and I looked down to see red liquid pouring from the fresh wound. My mind blocked out the fact that it was blood and I pulled out the other knife and turned to the other man, who was still doubled over holding his crotch. I took my knife and lodged it in his skull—on the side at the temple. I pulled Daryl's hunting knife from the other man's chest and stabbed him in the temple as well. I opened the door to the SUV and threw all of the weapons inside, trying to ignore the pain in my side and the dizzy feeling in my mind.

"Daryl," I shook his shoulder. I knew I wouldn't be able to lift him to put him in the SUV. We needed to get out of here and back to the prison. Eventually, his blue eyes opened and he forced himself from the ground. I ushered him into the SUV and jumped in the driver seat.

"Yer side," looking at my side right above my hip. He didn't say another word, but I felt him put pressure on the spot. It was probably the best idea. I knew that it really needed something on it to stop the bleeding.

XxX

I honestly don't remember most of what happened. I just knew that I was in a whole lot of pain. I was in my own cell, which was good, I guessed. I looked up and saw a set of blue eyes, but they weren't Daryl's. That made me a little uneasy. I realised moments later that it was Rick.

"Sadie," he said, his voice was hoarse and nervous. I gave him a weak smile.

"Rick," I replied. "What happened?" I started to sit up, but he put his hand on my shoulder, stilling me from moving any further.

"You tell me. You and Daryl came back beaten all to hell," he said, watching me carefully.

"There were two guys..." I trailed off. "They came and...Oh my God, I fucking killed them, Rick. They were trying to do...things. They knocked Daryl and I out and...I don't know. Fuck. I guess one of them stabbed me, it's all a fucking blur."

He smoothed my hair hair back and looked at me sadly. "You could have died, Sadie," he said.

"I'm a-fucking-ware of that, Rick. But I did what I had to do to keep that from happening. So let's move on," I told him. "What happened, happened, and it's taken care of now. Let's move on."

"Alright, but you're not goin' out there for a while, I can't loose you. Judith and Carl need you."

"You can't stop me from doing things," I stated. "I didn't marry you. I'm not even dating you. I know that I need to be here for the kids. But I'm not going to stop going out there when I need to."

"Just worry about resting up for now," he said in a lower voice.

"Where's Daryl?"

"He's doing some resting of his own."

"I need to see him," I started to sit up again but then Rick pushed me back onto the bed.

"No, you need to sleep, that way you'll get better," his voice was very much assertive and I couldn't really argue with him.

Dammit Rick.

I stayed in my bed for the next couple hours and just thought about how shitty I felt. I couldn't believe that I had killed someone. Not just one someone, but two someones. Two. Fuck. Even if they were fucking awful people, I didn't feel great about it. Nobody could.

All I did was lay in the bed, my eyes closed. I felt someone's hand in mine and I looked up to see Carl's freckled face. "Hey," I said weakly.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sitting at the chair beside my be, his hand in mine. It was really a sweet gesture from him, I appreciated it.

"I'm okay..."

"And do you feel okay about killing those men?" he asked, sounding somewhere between concerned and curious.

"Not really."

"Well you should. They were going to kill you, they needed to be killed. I'm just really happy you're safe now though."

 **AN: Finally at 100 reviews! I'd greatly appreciate some more! I really want to see what you all think of this story. I love writing it and I like to have people enjoy reading my writing. Someone left a review asking about my college situation. Yes, I did get in to my first choice! Thanks for asking!**


	34. Chapter 34

"I got ya somethin'," Daryl said, walking into our cell. I was on the bed with Carl, reading comic books. I thought he was talking to me at first, but he set a comic book in Carl's lap.

"Thanks!" he exclaimed.

"Mm hmm," Daryl nodded. He moved over and kissed the top of my head. I looked up at him. "How's it goin' in 'ere?" he asked.

"Just doing some reading," I said, holding up the Batman comic.

"Ya hungry?" he asked.

"A little," I shrugged.

"Ya wanna come get food? Think Carol was makin' somethin' outside."

In the past nine months, I had barely left the prison. I had been outside the walls exactly five times. It wasn't all of Rick's influence, I was kind of intimidated to leave. I hated to admit it, but I wouldn't be so lucky in the future. I was lucky enough to be able to keep myself safe when those men came to get Daryl and I.

"Daryl Dixon, are you asking me out on a date?" I smirked at him and he just rolled his eyes. He secretly loved my shenanigans. Just as I was coming to realise that I loved him. Every redneck bit of him. How the hell had I fallen for him? I didn't do love, I mean, I guessed that a lot could change in one year. But still. This wasn't like me. But Daryl and I functioned like a real couple and I didn't know...I had never felt this way for anyone, especially this deeply. Of course, I had yet to tell him any of this stuff. "But, yeah, I'll go with you to get food. You wanna come too, Carl? You haven't eaten much today."

Carl and I had spent the day in my cell. Daryl had been out on a run and Rick was working on the farm—but had given Carl the day off from helping him so that he could hang out with me. He had done that a lot lately. Carl and I spent a lot of time together. He was maturing a lot and we had just gotten close. I liked reading comic books with him and he gave me an excuse to not want to leave the prison. I could stay with him, to keep him company, without admitting that I was afraid.

"I could probably eat," he said, closing the book and adding it to the stack on my bed.

"Good, let's go," I stood and he followed suit.

We went out to the courtyard area. There were all kinds of people now. Personally, I liked our original group just fine—well the few that I actually talked to. But, I primarily spent time with my original people anyway.

Each of us grabbed a plate and took a seat at one of the picnic tables and ate our food.

"So what else did you guys find out there?" Carl asked, taking a bite of whatever meat was before us.

"Not much. Killed a possum on our way back," he shrugged. "There ain't much left 'round here. We've cleared it all out 'ready."

"Does that mean you guys are going to have to start travelling further?" I asked.

"Prolly," he responded.

"That means we'll use up so much more gas," I replied. That wasn't a good thing.

"It also means we coul' use a doctor ta go with us," he said. I knew that Daryl wanted me out there with him. But I was on the fence. Sometimes I'd love to be out there. But the one thing that I didn't want to do was get other people killed.

"Don't you have Bob? Or whatever his name is? The combat medic."

"'S not th' same," he stated. "Come with us tamorrow. We'll be in an' out. Real quick. I've a'ready checked the place out an' everythin'."

"Fine, I'll go with you tomorrow," I said, kissing his cheek. He gave me a slight grin and we all proceeded with our food. "I'll let Rick know later," I added, picking at my food.

"Let him kno' or ask 'im?" Daryl gave muttered, giving me a sideways glance.

"Oh fuck you," I said. "I don't need Rick's permission to leave the fucking prison," I snapped.

"Seems like ya do, sometimes," he muttered.

"I'm not one to fight in front of everyone, so let's go fucking argue in the cell," I said, standing up and storming off that way. A few minutes after I made it to the cell, Daryl came in after me. "Daryl, Rick doesn't have a say in what I do or do not do. I can do whatever the fuck I want," I stated.

"It sure don' seem like it sometimes. Y'know how many times I've wanted ya ta go with me?"

"Daryl, me not wanting to go isn't because of Rick! I don't want to go because I'm scared. I don't want to be afraid, but Daryl...When those men got to us...They were going to rape me—they didn't have to say it, but the derogatory comments and their actions said it all. I can't go through that sort of thing."

"I wouln' let anythin' happen ta ya."

"You were knocked out last time. I trust that you would do whatever you could, but the best way is to just not be out there." He frowned a little and I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I know, if you would've been awake, you would've done whatever you needed to do." I pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. "Daryl...I love you and I know you'd do anything for me. I'm just afraid because now I have people who matter to me in my life, okay?" I felt like crying when he wrapped his arms around my middle.

"Ya mean everythin' ta me, Sadie. 'M sorry fer bein' an ass." I think that was his way of saying 'I love you', without actually saying it. I'd certainly take it.

 **AN: I hope that Sadie's character didn't change too much. My thoughts on that is that she's been through something traumatic and she's had the influence of being a mum. Let me know what you thought of it anyway, and thank you guys for the recent stream of reviews :)**


	35. Chapter 35

While Daryl and the others were at The Big Spot, I stayed back at the prison. When they came back I could tell something was off. Something with Daryl. There was kind of a heavy air around him. I gave him a look when he walked by our cell—I had a comic book in my lap, Carl and I had started a makeshift comic book club. Daryl just shook his head at me as he went further down the cells. Chewing on my lip, I went back to the book. I needed to catch up with Carl in these books, otherwise, he wouldn't be very happy with me when I got off of watch tomorrow.

Daryl returned to our cell and put his bow down with a sigh. "What's wrong?" I stood and stepped towards him. He shook his head again. "Dixon, tell me," I said. "Sit down and I'll rub your shoulders and back a little bit." He obliged and I waited for him to start speaking and offering a further explanation as to what had actually happened today to cause this.

"Zack's dead," he said. "Walker got him."

"Oh," I frowned. I knew that Daryl had a soft spot for the boy. Zack had been trying to guess what Daryl had done for a living before the apocalypse for the last few months and I think that Daryl kind of liked that someone had taken such an interest in him. Sure, everyone knew that I was a doctor, Hershel was a vet, and Rick was a cop. It didn't really matter what your job was before now. It only mattered who you were at this point in time.

"Wasn' even his fault. Kinda though' he'd get 'imself killed...Bob..." then he mumbled something incoherent.

"What?" I asked, leaning my head on his back.

"He has a drinkin' problem. Or 'e did. Knocked a shelf down," he said. "'M glad ya didn' go," he stated, turning to look at me. "It coulda been ya..."

"I'm sorry about Zack," I said. "But that's not helping me with wanting to go on a run again," I laughed a little. "Even if I know that I'm going to go mad staying in here...I need out sometime."

"Wanna go huntin' with me?" he asked.

"I think I could manage that..." I smiled a little. "We'd stay close to the prison, right?" I didn't want to get too close to the possibility of other people existing. I was afraid of seeing other people out there. I didn't mind them so much when they got into the prison, by then they were already okayed by one of our people. When they were out there, it was different. It was scary.

"Yeah, maybe a mile or two 'way," he said.

"When should we go?" I asked, I needed to plan it around my watch shifts. I usually took watch quite a bit, oh and there were Daryl's shifts that we had to plan it around too. But he usually went hunting at least once a week anyway. It was kind of interesting how we had gotten to the point where we had a regular routine. Not only did I take watch, I also helped in the clinic when I was needed, but that was only when there was an injured person. Like with something serious. Otherwise, it was jus Hershel's job.

"Day after tomorrow?"

"Okay," I didn't have watch that morning, I had it that night, though. So, I kissed him and he turned around fully to kiss me back. "For the record, I'm very glad that it wasn't you who got killed out there. Even if it sucks that it was Zack," I told him.

"Mm." He kissed me again and as much as I wanted to have some wonderful sex with him, I knew Carl would be pissed if I didn't finish this comic tonight. We were supposed to discuss it earlier today, but I wasn't done yet. I ended up getting sidetracked with Judith or with Daryl.

"I can't tonight," I said. He gave me a questioning look and backed off. "Carl will kill me. I have to finish this," I held up the book. "God how I miss the internet." Daryl gave me another look. "He needs a friend. He isn't really close to the other kids. They're kind of immature."

"So're ya," he joked.

"Dammit, Dixon," I said. "I know, but I'm immature for an adult. Not for a child."

"'Mm hm," he agreed.

I went back to reading the book and he stood up from the bed and untied his boots. I only saw him from the corner of my eye, but I saw him walking around the room. He grabbed something off our little shelves and walked back over to me.

"Here," he said. He had placed something on my lap. I saw a small bag of Doritos. I looked up at him in surprise. They were even the Nacho Cheese flavored ones. I remember telling him about how much I missed Doritos. And he got them for me.

"You got those for me?" I exclaimed. I closed the comic book and got up to kiss him. "You're the best, Daryl."

"Love ya, girl," he said and I couldn't help the smile on my face. I had never been one to like the cheesy type of stuff. But I really did love Daryl. And I did love how he would do little sweet things for me.

"I love you too," I stated.

XxX

I was sitting in my cell, I had just gotten done with watch and I was really trying finish this damn comic book, but no such luck. Carl happened to walk in before I was even done with it. I had like five pages left.

"Sadie," he groaned.

"Give me ten minutes," I said. Of course I hadn't gotten to finish it last night, thanks to Daryl.

"I need to tell you something," he stated. "And you can't tell my dad. Period. Okay?"

"I don't know if I can promise not telling your dad," I said.

"No. If he's told...it has to be me..."

"Fine, what's up?" I asked.

"Carol is teaching the other kids self defense. In story time."

"Oh," I said. "How do you know?"

"I went—"

"I thought you were too old for story time," I stated, giving him a look.

"I am! I just kind of wanted to know what the other kids were up to..."

"Okay, do their parents know?"

"No. That's why I want to tell my dad, but Carol said not to..."

"It's important for them to know. No matter what. I understand what Carol is doing. If you tell you dad, he's going to have to put a stop to it..."

"And we don't want that?"

"No, because where would any of us be without the proper weapon training?" I asked. He nodded in understanding. "But you have to do what's best for you. If you need to tell him, then tell him."

"Okay," he agreed. "Finish the book though," he said, watching me.

"I'm working on it!" I exclaimed.

 **AN: This was a filler chapter. I didn't really know what to write. And I still don't. Ugh. I need ideas. I'm starting to get a massive case of writers block. If any of you have ideas for this story, I'd love to hear them. PM or review, whichever you would prefer. Thank you for reading, I'm so sorry it was short again!**


	36. Chapter 36

I chewed on my bottom lip. Thinking. There was a virus rapidly spreading throughout the prison and I didn't know what it was. Sure there had been flu outbreaks before, but I hadn't experienced this in the old world. We were all sitting in the council meeting.

"Bottom line is we're going to need medicine. Basic penicillin, at least. Something," I stated, everyone got quiet. They had been arguing when none of them really had any medical knowledge. But now that I was talking, they were ready to listen. "We have to go on a run. Raid a hospital or something like that. I know we've cleared out things close to here, but we need antibiotics."

"There's a veterinary college about fifty miles from here," Hershel suggested. "That would be our best bet. People don't think of those like they do for hospitals."

"Okay, we're going to need a group to go," Rick said in an even tone. I saw his eyes meet Daryl's and I cringed. I knew that it wasn't safe, but Daryl was the best man for the job.

"I'll get a group," Daryl said. I felt his eyes land on me, I knew he wanted me to go. I also knew it would be a good idea for me to go. I just didn't want to. Fifty miles equaled fifty miles of possible creeps. But shit. This was my group. May family was at risk. Especially Judith. She was so young. She would easily catch the virus. I knew that I should go. It was important. I had to go. That was it. I had to suck it up and go. In the end, it really didn't matter what happened to me, so long as Judith and Carl were okay. They had to be the people who mattered most in my life.

"The group needs to leave at dawn," Rick said to Daryl, who nodded in response. We all started out of the library and Daryl caught my eye again, so I stayed. However, I kept a good distance from him, knowing that he had been exposed to the virus. I needed to see the kids before I exposed myself to it—I knew it would happen because I was going to be in a car with Daryl tomorrow, and if I did have to go on this run, I wouldn't give up sex tonight.

"We need ya," he said.

"I know," I replied. "I'm going. For Carl and Judith," I added. He nodded in response and we headed back into the rest of the prison.

When I told Carl, that afternoon, he freaked out on me. "Sadie, you can't go," he said.

"I have to, kiddo. I'll be back. I'll be fine," I said, giving him a smile.

"No. I can't have something happen to you too. You're the closest thing to a mom that I've got," he seemed so sad as he hugged me, his face resting on my chest. He was just tall enough to not end up with a face full of boob.

"I know," I said. "And that's why I'll be back. Take your sister and you'll be safe in the offices or wherever the hell Rick is having you guys stay."

"Promise me that you'll come back," he said. I knew that Carl put up a front most of the time. He acted as if he was Mr. Tough Guy, but he was still a kid. And that was easy for most of us to forget.

"I will do whatever it takes to get back here." I couldn't make that promise. I loved that kid to pieces. I couldn't tell him that I would come back, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I knew that there was a chance that I wouldn't be returning.

"Okay," he sighed, pulling away. After telling Carl, I went to retrieve Judith, from Beth. They were all going to sleep in the office areas—in a separate building. I carried Judith across the yard and to the building.

"Mommy will be back, okay?" That sounded so weird. But Rick had started telling Judith that I was her 'mommy' and it was a widely accepted thing, all across the prison.

She smiled at me and cooed. I kissed the top of her head and left her with Beth. I loved that kid. Even though she wasn't related to me—or at least maybe not, I still thought of her as family. She and Carl were my kids. Blood or not, I would protect them over anyone else.

XxX

We wordlessly drove down the long, empty country road. It would take us at least an hour to get there. Without roadblocks. I sat in the front, Michonne and Bob in the back. I looked over as Daryl drove and gripped his hand. I had a bad feeling about what was to come.

What didn't help was that I felt awful. I had been pretty much fine when I got in the car, but I was starting to feel rundown. This couldn't be a good sign.

"Ya good?" Daryl asked, as if feeling the fear around me.

"I don't—" the cough came. I began coughing hysterically. And I knew. Shit. I had it. I had whatever virus this was. When had I been infected? I really—more than anything—hoped that Daryl carried the virus and passed it on to me last night. If I got my kids sick, I wouldn't be able to live with myself—I may not have much of a choice in that matter.

"Shit," Daryl cursed. I thought he was talking to me and I was about to second that, when I looked up to see the herd of walkers surrounding us.

"Shit," I agreed. This was bad. It was so fucking bad. We were fucked. I had no idea how we could make it through these walkers. I really didn't expect to be taken out by a walker. I liked to think that I was much too smart for that.

 **AN: So there was a lot that happened in this short little chapter. I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this. I want to give a big thank you to Elizarocks9902, she helped me with coming up with ideas and helped to cure my writers block a little :) so leave your reviews right below this note :)**


	37. Chapter 37

I have no idea how the fuck we did it, but we did. We made it out of the fucking herd. All of us. Nobody got bit or scratched. Nobody died. I don't know how the fuck it was even possible. But it was. We made it into the woods and Daryl led us through them. I swear he was like a fucking human GPS.

"Daryl, hold up," Michonne's voice came. I hadn't even realised how light headed I felt until I felt her arm stilling my movements. "She's not looking too good."

"I'm right—" I began coughing as I doubled over and nearly met the ground. Daryl moved beside me and offered his hand for me to come back up. "I don't wanna get you sick," I said.

"Anythin' ya've got, I've got," he said. He was right. If I had the virus, that meant that it was in his system too. I was trying to figure out if this virus only showed up in certain people. It was quite possible that Daryl wouldn't so symptoms. I hoped he didn't. If he did, I would feel like an asshole-then again, it was quite possible that he had given it to me. That asshole. I didn't blame him though. It wasn't like I had been pushing him away. I knew the risks right now. I guess that hot sex had to have a price sometime.

"I'm just going to slow you guys down," I said.

"We'll go back to the prison," Michonne suggested.

"Stupid idea," I replied. "There are tons of sick people back there counting on us to bring medication back. We aren't turning around. But I'm going to slow us down. I...I can't let that happen. Carl and Judith need to be safe. For all we know, they could be just as sick as I am."

"What're ya suggestin'?" Daryl questioned. "We ain't leavin' ya, an' that's th' end of that."

"You will if I get bad enough."

"No," he said. His voice had such finality that I almost didn't want to argue.

"Yes. Needs of the many verses needs of the few. There are way more people back there who need the antibiotics. I'm one person. I'm not more important than the rest of them."

"I ain' leavin' ya. Never."

"Don't think with your dick," I said. "You'll leave me."

"That what ya think this is? If it is, ya ain't as smart as I thought ya were. That's all I gotta say 'bout that," he started walking again and Michonne offered me her arm. But I wouldn't accept it.

"Don't get too close to me. I don't want to get you sick. I'm fine."

XxX

Eventually, we found another car to fix up. As Daryl was working under the hood, I moved to stand beside him. "I didn't mean what I said earlier. I know that's not all this is for you." He grunted and I sighed. "I wish it was. It would take a lot of pressure off me." He gave me a look and I shrugged. "It's true. I've never been in love with someone. And I've never wanted to be...This scares me more than anything. It scares me more than the walkers. It scares me more than death. I love you and you love me and I don't know what the fuck to do with that."

"Don' say shit like what ya said."

"Fair enough," I said. "That was kind of a dick move." He glared at me for trying to make a bad pun.

"Ya ain't gonna die on me an' I ain't gonna leave ya behind. Never."

"You would. If you had to," I said. "You're not selfish enough to choose me over everyone else."

"Ya don' kno' that."

"I do," I said. "Try your best to hurry. I'm going to go sit down," I told him, rubbing his arm as I went by him. Michonne and I spent the next bit of time talking a little. Neither of us were really good at talking. Seemed a like I had that problem a lot. I didn't mind her. She was clearly smart and capable. She hadn't done anything stupid, yet. So, really, I didn't have a reason to dislike her.

When we finally arrived at the veterinary college, I had a suggestion. "I should stay here. I don't want to risk a walker getting to me in there. I'm going to cough and be too loud. Leave me here," I said.

"Sadie—"

"No, Daryl. Don't fucking argue with me. I'll be out here when you're done," I said, watching him carefully. He started to oppose, but like I said, he wasn't selfish enough to say otherwise. "I love you," I whispered. At this point, Michonne and Bob stepped out of the car.

"This ain't no goodbye. Don' say it like that," he stated plainly.

"Fine. I hate you, you dirty redneck," I joked.

"Better," he kissed me very quickly before jumping out of the vehicle. That was my dirty redneck right there. I loved that man to bits. The trio hurried on and I climbed over into the driver seat. I had the keys. All I had to do was sit here and wait for them to come out. And not die. I found myself hitting the automatic lock button while watching vigilantly around me. I would take a glance in the mirror with every swoop across the surrounding area.

I started feeling worse by the minute. I was actually thankful for Bob, especially right now. It was nice that someone else had a form of medical training—I mean there was also Dr. S, but on this trip, Bob was here. And that was important. Since I couldn't exactly be in there with all of them right now.

Damn. It felt like an eternity. When would they get back. My body felt awful. I ached everywhere and I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. The whole feeling was kind of indescribable. My eyelids became heavier and heavier as the minutes ticked by. I didn't think I could keep them open any longer. I couldn't. I knew that I couldn't...I...

 **AN: There is the end of another chapter. So they made it out of the herd of walkers. What's going to happen to Sadie with this virus. Could this actually be the end of Saryl (Dadie?)? Let me know what you guys think! Reviews are incredibly encouraged. Just know, that I'm going to be hella busy in the coming...days...well weeks...make that months. I'm going back to two jobs starting on Saturday. So I will have absolutely no free time. I'll try to make as much as I can though...if y'know, you leave a little love in the review box.**


	38. Chapter 38

_"_ _Dr. Walsh," I turned when I heard someone calling my name. I was back in the ER. But it felt wrong. What the hell was even happening? I stood, feeling completely frozen, amongst the rest of the team. I couldn't move to see who was even there. I really had no idea what was going on. And that wasn't like me at all._

 _All at once, hell broke loose onto the medical ward. There were walkers everywhere. But I was still frozen. I couldn't move. My feet were glued to the floor—or so it felt. Fuck. I was dead. I was going to die. There was a walker inches from me and I still couldn't move to fight it off._

 _Seconds later, someone lifted me from the floor and moved into a hospital room. He locked the door and I would recognise that wavy black hair anywhere. His presence brought a smile to my face._

 _"_ _Hey," I greeted. His dark brown eyes met mine and I saw a smile fall onto his familiar features._

 _"_ _Sadie," he said. He messed up my hair and the hospital room seemed to fade away. I couldn't exactly put my finger on where we were, or what was going on, but I was strangely okay with all of it. I didn't feel like I was in danger. My big brother was here. Despite everything, I still loved him. Despite everything, I still felt safe with him being here._

 _"_ _Shane, what's going on?" I didn't feel angry, or any sort of negative emotion. I felt very peaceful, even though I felt like I probably shouldn't._

 _"_ _We don't have much time, Sadie," he said. "It boils down to the fact that you've got a choice."_

 _"_ _A choice?" I rose my eyebrow._

 _"_ _You ain't doin' so hot right now, a'right? And now you've got a choice. You can either keep fightin' it an' everythin' will go back to how it was. The prison, the virus...everythin'. Or ya can stay up here."_

 _"_ Up here _?" I asked._

 _"_ _Yeah. Up here. You can be with me again, baby sis."_

 _"_ _And leave Carl and Judith. And Daryl and Rick? I can't do that, Shane. Are you telling me that I can choose whether or not to die?"_

 _"_ _Yes. If you go now, it'll be easy. But if you go back there, you've got nothin' but a whole lotta hell ahead of ya, just to end up back here again."_

 _"_ _I've already been through hell."_

 _"_ _Sadie, I'm tellin' ya now, what lies ahead, it's ten times as bad as what you've already gone through. I don' kno' if ya wanna do it."  
"Shane, I do. Trust me. I need to go back. I need to go back to them. Carl and Judith need some kind of mom. Daryl needs somebody. Rick needs me too...They need me. Let me go back."_

 _"_ _Okay, but don' say I didn't warn ya. Ya ain't gonna like what happens to you real soon."_

 _"_ _Fine."_

XxX

I opened my eyes to see three sets of blue orbs nearby. I sat up slowly, smiling at the three of them. Carl was the first to move. He ran over and hugged me.

"You're okay," he stated.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I said weakly.

"I thought you were going to die..." he cried, as I hugged him.

"Nah, it takes a lot more than a cold to take me out," I looked up at Daryl, who was waiting across the room. "Come here, Daryl, I'm fine," that was all he needed to come over beside me.

"Ya passed out in th' car," he said. "We had ta break th' windows to get in..."

"Shit, that's right. Everyone else is okay, right?"

"They're fine," Rick said. He moved beside me.

"Good..." Daryl did what I didn't expect him to. He kissed me. Right there in front of everyone else. "I love you guys. All of you. Carl. Daryl. Rick. I'm glad that I'm okay...and I'm glad that you're here..."

"I love you too, Sadie," Carl said and both men nodded. I gripped Daryl's hand and I felt okay. I could tell that he was relaxed now. But still kind of uneasy.

"I'm fine," I told him, smiling and giving him a quick kiss again. I felt Rick mess up my hair and I looked up at him. Everything from that dream popped in my head again. I had a tough road ahead of me. Whatever that meant. But if it meant that I could spend a little more time with these three—and Judith, then fucking bring it on.

 **AN: I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I've been hella busy and low on ideas. I got help with this chapter too from elizarocks9902. So thank you, again. And anyway, everyone please leave your reviews. Hopefully I can get another chapter out soon. But we'll just have to see how the weeks goes. I've got a lot going on right now...I'm sorry. Also, I'm really sorry that it's hella short. I couldn't think of anything else to add. That made sense, anyway.**


	39. Chapter 39

I sat in the cell, shaking. My knees were as close to my chest as I could get them and I wasn't sure that I could move. Not because I was frozen, but because I was covering sticky and disgusting goo. Walker goo—rotten blood and guts covered my body and my clothing. The things that I had seen in the last few hours would haunt my nightmares. That was if I lived long enough to sleep ever again.

I honestly wasn't even sure how I was alive. I had killed so many walkers...I had fought my way back into the prison—after fighting the Governor's people outside—to come in and find Judith and Carl. But neither of them were anywhere. I ended up in a rather bloody battle with a whole group of walkers after that, and somehow made it back to mine and Daryl's cell. I wasn't even sure where Daryl was—or if he was even alive. Oh God. What if nobody was? I didn't see anyone make it out of here. What about Carl? And Rick? And how could I forget Judith? Were they alive? That was the biggest question haunting my mind. If none of them were alive, I certainly knew that I wouldn't want to be.

Killing myself wasn't much of an option. But I would find a way to take myself out. I would probably find someone else to save with my life. That was the only thing that I would really be okay with. I couldn't live without those four people in my life. They meant more than anything to me. The thought of a world without them made me physically ill. I felt like puking right now—perhaps that was the walkers stench that was covering most of my body.

I felt my nausea worsen when I heard footsteps in the cell block. It sounded like shuffling—that only a walker would normally make. Steeling myself, I stood from the ground and grabbed my knife. I pulled the cell door open cautiously and stepped out onto the upper level of the cell block. When I looked a the level below, I saw someone in a similar position. His black hair was disheveled and his brown eyes gave me a once over.

"Sadie?" he asked.

"Glenn?" I replied, I was almost sure that there was no one left at all. But right here was Glenn.

"I thought I was the only one here..."

"Me too," I replied, lowering my knife.

"What the hell happened to you?" He asked and I just looked down at the pile of walker bodies on the ground in front of him. "Holy shit," he stated. "Have you seen Maggie."

"I haven't seen anyone," I replied.

"Change your clothes. I'm going to grab a few things. Then we can head out."

"Head out?"

"We've gotta go find them. I've gotta find Maggie."

I loved the determination in his voice. But it was stupid. She could very well be dead. Along with the rest of my family. Glenn needed to prepare himself for the alternative. He needed to find out his plan B. I had mine. Without the others, I needed to have all my ducks in a row and ready to go. I didn't know how I would find out if the others were dead, but I would. They were my reason for living.

Glenn and I made our way out of the prison—both of us wearing riot suits—and fighting off walkers as we went. My eyes happened to look to my left and that's when I saw it. The most heartbreaking thing I could ever imagine. Judith's car seat sat on the ground. Bloody. It took everything I had to not sit on the ground and give up just then. The only reason I didn't stop was because my actions would've caused Glenn to die. That was not fair to him.

Among the dead, there was one living person. A dark haired girl who had apparently been a part of the Governor's group. Her name was Tara and she ended up joining us—I didn't exactly know how, if I was honest. My mind was swimming.

The moment the three of us made it out of the gates, I dropped to the ground and cried. I didn't know how long I cried, but I knew that I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up to see Glenn's questioning eyes.

"What happened?" he must not have seen. He must have missed it.

"Judith..." I started, but my tears made me pause. "Judith's car seat was back there..." I sobbed. "It was...bloody..." Glenn pulled me to him and I cried against him for a long time.

God, I was so weak. I had changed so much since the apocalypse. I used to be so strong—most people got stronger in all of this, but apparently I had gotten weaker. What was wrong with me? Why had I let people in? That was what was doing this to me.

"Come on. Let's go find the others," Glenn said soothingly. Maggie was a lucky woman. Glenn was a great human—he was not my type in any way, we were too different—but good for her. He was a good man.

"You're so...optimistic."

"I can't stand not to be," he stated.

We started moving and the dark haired woman looked at me nervously. I could tell that she wanted to ask, but didn't know what I would do. I didn't know if I wanted to explain. What did I owe her.

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked her instead. I didn't know her and I didn't want to. She was part of the reason that my daughter was gone. Even if she hadn't meant to be. She was. All actions have consequences.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," she said.

"Well I'm not," I snapped. "The closest thing I'll ever have to a daughter is dead—the rest of the people I care about could be too! All because you and your stupid group came in and attacked us! We were fine until you assholes came in!" I didn't even know why I did it, I threw a punch and hit her in the face. I started to do more, but Glenn pulled me back.

"Stop it! She is not the problem here! Fighting her won't bring Judith back and it won't help us find our people. So let's just go."

I fought back tears as I threw an elbow to Glenn's face and stormed ahead on the road. I could hear Tara and Glenn having a conversation behind me, but I ignored it. I didn't need to be a part of it. I just needed my guys back.

Ahead of me, walkers began approaching. I started fighting them off and Glenn eventually joined. Being as he was still ill, he ended up doubled over. Tara hurried to his side and I continued fighting. Once I got a walker to the ground, I stomped on its head until the guts splattered everywhere. By this point, I noticed the huge ass army truck that had parked right in front of me.

"Come the fuck out of there, assholes!" I shouted, pulling my rifle on them.

"Damn, you sure got a mouth on you," the large ginger haired man called to me. I didn't bother lowering my gun.

 **AN: I'm so sorry it's been like 12 years since I've gotten an update out—same with my Bethyl story if you happen to be reading that. I have been so damn busy. I work two jobs and go to school full time (if I hadn't mentioned that) plus I try to have a social life too so it's hard to balance. I finally got this up. I'm pretty happy with it. I hope you guys are too. It's a bit longer than the previous chapters have been, so that's a plus. I'd love to get your reviews on this! Thanks for reading!**


	40. Chapter 40

"We could sure use somebody like you," the red haired man said to me. I glared at him. "I'm Sgt. Abraham Ford. These are my counterparts, Rosita Espinosa and Eugene Porter." Glenn was lying on the ground, completely out. He was still very sick and he probably shouldn't even be out here. I was trying to come up with a plan of what we could even do to get him out of here. That was if we could even get out of here.

"Okay and?" I questioned, crossing my arms. "Who you are does not matter to me. Just go on your way and we'll be on ours," I stated stubbornly. Their existence didn't really even matter too much me. I just wanted them to go away. That way I would not have to kill them—or worry about any of them killing me. It would make everyone's life much easier and we could continue with what we needed to do in our life.

"Being as we're all in a very similar predicament, I would suggest we all collaborated on this endeavor," the dark haired man with a mullet—Eugene as Abraham had said.

"We don't need any more collaboration, thanks but no thanks," I said, still holding my gun at them.

"Eugene over here is precious cargo, we've got to get him to DC. He is the key to finding the cure of all of this shit."

"I was in DC when this thing hit," I stated. "What the hell could be there?"

"You were in DC?" Abraham asked.

"Yeah, I was," I said. I didn't need to justify what I did to them. They were already getting more than enough details from me. "Why in the hell do you want to go to DC now? There's nothing up there."

"We've been talkin' to some of the important scientists that are up there on a Satellite Phone. Up until a few days ago anyway," Abraham replied. "Y'all might as well come with us. There's nothin' you can find out here."

"My family is out here."

"I got news for ya, sweetheart, your family is gone. Whether they're dead or alive, they're gone. You're never going to find them now."

That was all it took—Abraham had already made advancing steps towards me and we were rather close now—I took my fist and I clocked him in the jaw. My fist throbbed. But, I shook it off and made eye contact with the ginger haired man for a brief second. He was enraged. He caught a hold of my wrists—I guessed to keep me from punching him—so I put my knee to his groin.

"Guys," Tara yelled. I looked to my right to see a whole horde of walkers making their way towards us. Fucking Goddamn everything.

"Shit," I cursed out loud.

"Well, the way I see it, the two of you have two options. Come with us, or be eaten by those there shitheads," Abraham stated.

"Fuck, fine. We will. But we're not staying with you. Glenn and I absolutely have to find our people."

XxX Daryl's POV XxX

"She could still be alive, y'know," Beth's voice barely registered in my mind as we sat by the fire. "We should do something," she said.

I couldn't do something. I didn't want to. Not after everything that had happened. Sadie had become such an important part of everything and I didn't know that I had ever been this upset about anything.

I hadn't felt like this when my mum died or anything. I had been _in love_ with Sadie. As much as I hated terms like that. She was more important than anything else to me.

"We should do something!" Beth shouted at me. Apparently she had been going on about this for the past few minutes.

"An' what do ya expect us ta do?"

"We can go try to find Sadie...and the others, Daryl. We don't need to just sit here and do something. Let's do _something_!"

"We can't go back ta th' prison! 'S gone," I told her and she glared at me.

"Fine, let's go find a drink then. I've never had one and now's the time," she said.

"A drink?" How immature was she? All she wanted to do was get drunk? Weren't there more important things to do? Wait. Were there? We needed to try to find the other...but without Sadie, none of that seemed to be all that important.

"Yes, Daryl..."

"Fine, let's go, then," she could tell that I wasn't all too thrilled, but she went along with it anyway.

XxX Sadie's POV XxX

We finally stopped. I climbed out of the trunk and stabbed one of the walkers when I made my way out of there. Abraham jumped out and looked like he was ready to fight me.

"What in the hell do you want?" he asked, glaring at me.

"To find my people," I stated, starting to walk away and Glenn and Tara joined me. It was time for us to go. We had quite a distance to make up, but we could get there. I believed in us. We had to have hope. Hope was a weird thing for me to have, but it was important now.

"You guys just can't leave," Abraham said.

"We can and we are," Glenn said with great determination in his voice.

"Like I said before, your people are gone. Your wife? You're never going to find her again. Dead or alive, she's gone."

Glenn's reaction was surprisingly similar to mine, he started fighting Abraham. Because I had already been in his position, I knew that he would feel better after getting a few good hits in. The gunfire from across the way was what caught my attention.

Everyone else seemed to catch it too. Eugene was shooting walkers—the only problem was that he had managed to hit the trunk as well.

"Stop shooting!" Abraham called. We all ran over and saved the day, but the truck was completely destroyed. Gas was leaking from it and getting everywhere. I knew that they were fucked. I did feel kind of bad for them. They weren't bad people. They were just kind of set in what they were trying to do without much of a reguard of what everyone else needed.

"Look, I'm sorry about your trunk and all," Glenn said. He had a similar mindset that I did.

"But we need to get going," I added and with that, the three of us started walking down the road.

 **AN: I know the short Daryl bit seems random, it kind of is. I just kinda wanted to provide a little part to show where his head is at. I may switch to Rick's POV for a short time in the next chapter to show the same thing. If that's something that you're all interested in, let me know.**


	41. Chapter 41

I kind of felt bad doing it, but I had to. I couldn't wait for them to find the rest of the group. I needed to find our people. I knew that being alone would be dangerous, but it would also be a bit more effective. So I left in the dead of night. Tara was on watch, but her back was to me. I fled the camp and started following the train tracks. I went in the direction of Terminus—a place we had seen mapped out for us. I kept my pace quick and hurried through the darkness. I hoped to not see any walkers, but I knew that wasn't very likely. There were fucking walkers everywhere. They ruled the mother fucking world now. I hated that. This shouldn't be their world. But they were in charge. They dictated everything.

I kept on my journey until dawn. I hadn't been able to see very well thus far, but I had stayed on the tracks. There had been a few random walkers that I had taken out as I went along. But it really wasn't anything that I couldn't handle on my own. I could do this. I could find my family. Even if it meant leaving Glenn to find them on his own.

I managed to catch a two hour nap in a tree right after dawn—enough to keep me going. I continued on the tracks soon after. I noticed a wrapper on the ground and I paused. It was to a candy bar. I picked it up and I recognised it. A couple months ago, Carl had been eating the very same kind of candy because Michonne had brought it back from a run for him.

From this, I allowed myself to hope. Maybe, just maybe, this had belonged to Carl. Seeing this candy bar wrapper instilled a bit of hope into me. Smiling a little, I quickened my pace down the tracks. They could have been here. I had to find them. Or him. It could be Carl just on his own...I really didn't know. I hoped that the whole group was together.

As I made my way down the tracks, I heard a snapping of branches. I looked around and I saw a couple walkers making their way out of the wooded area.

"Shit," I said out loud. There were about five of them. I couldn't out run them, I would have to fight them. I took my knife and killed the one closest to me and I got two more of them but the last two were on top of me too fast. They managed to get me to the ground and I kicked at one of them, but it wasn't of any help. "Fuck," I cursed, trying my hardest.

Suddenly, a warm liquid sprayed me in the face and I heard the sound of the gunshot. And another one. The two walkers fell and I was pinned. I shoved them off of me and all at once, I felt the other one be pulled off of me. I looked up and met a pair of familiar blue orbs.

"Sadie," his voice came out as if he couldn't believe it was me. Hell, I couldn't believe it was him.

"Holy Fuck. Rick," I said, as he pulled me up from the ground and pulled me into a long hug. "Shit, I can't believe that I found you—or that you found me."

"Oh my God, Sadie...We thought..." he trailed off until we heard another voice.

"Sadie!" Carl shouted. I released Rick immediately and went to Carl. I hugged him as tightly as I possibly could. He was practically my child. And I had thought that I lost him. But he was here.

"I love you so much, Carl," I kissed his cheek lovingly. I had never seen myself as being a motherly figure. But right now, I felt like he was my kid and I loved this kid so much and I had been so afraid that he was dead. But he was here, alive.

"I love you too, Sadie."

"I can't believe that you guys are here...I thought I'd never see you again..."

"We thought the same," Rick said.

I was back with my family. I couldn't be real. All that I needed was for Daryl and Judith to be here, and then I could feel complete.

XxX

We made a camp for the night and I sat beside Rick at the fire. I was exhausted, but I needed to be able to have a conversation with him too.

"Glenn is heading for Terminus too," I stated.

"Good...We'll meet up with him there, then." Rick knew we couldn't turn back. We had to make our way towards the end goal. This was far too big of an area to turn back and try to search for him. We had to just keep going towards Terminus, we would meet up there and everything would be okay...I hoped so anyway. We could do this. We could all meet up together again. Those of us who were alive.

"Do you know if Daryl made it out?" I asked, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"I didn't see him die," Rick said honestly.

"I guess that's good," I said.

"You'll find him, Sadie..." he stated. "I know you will," he added, his arm around me.

"I really hope I do, Rick."

"You really love him, don't you?"

"I do. I never thought I could be, But I love him so much. I never thought that I would be _in_ love with anyone. And Daryl isn't really the guy I could have seen myself loving, but I do, dammit. I fucking love him."

"We'll find him," he promised, kissing the top of my head. I cared so much for Rick. I was so glad that I had found him and Carl.

XxX

We travelled for the whole next day. We had ended up on the road, deciding that it may be best to travel by vehicle. We were all exhausted and we felt so exhausted and we were exposed with being in the woods—without Daryl especially.

Around dark, we were on the road and men came out of the woods. I began cursing under my breath and all I knew was that this couldn't become of the men that were hear. I could feel the vibe from them and I knew that they were nothing but bad news.

 **AN: I know that it's been sooooooo long since I posted. I'm sorry. I should have another chapter out around Wednesday to make up for lost time. I did 11 days without a day off and 100 hours of work in that time. My schedule has been a nightmare. But I actually just went through and reread the entire story, so I have a little more motivation. Even though this chapter was kind of shitty. The next one will be so much better. Please leave your reviews :)**


	42. Chapter 42

**AN: Warning, graphic content at the beginning of this chapter. If you skip the first part and start after XxX, you can avoid it.**

The solid concrete was beneath my face. A man held me to the ground and no matter how much I fought or how much I struggled, I couldn't get up. I heard a belt and I felt my own pants start to be pulled from my hips. I let out a loud scream and I struggled to keep my own clothes on. Carl wasn't far from me, one of the other men had captured him and held a knife to his throat.

"Carl," I screamed. "Don't look." I couldn't stand the idea of him watching what I knew was going to happen. My pants left my hips and I was only in my underwear. This was not okay. I tried so hard to fight and get the upper hand, but there were so many. I knew that I'd rather be killed than for this to happen. Especially in front of my child. I kicked and tried so hard to fight him off.

When I heard the fabric of my underwear off, I felt such embarrassment and disgust. Pain rippled through my body and I just felt sick. I tried my best to go somewhere else mentally. To get away from this awful hell of a place. Why couldn't I just die right here? All of a sudden, the pain went away—it ebbed into a dull pain instead. A body thumped beside me and I dared to try to roll over. My body hurt and I looked up a man that brought me happiness. So much so that I nearly forgot what had just happened. That was until I realised that I did not have anything covering my bottom half. The tears flowed from my cheeks as I tried to stand up.

XxX

He pulled me from the ground and pulled my pants back to their rightful home. I sobbed against Daryl. Unable to catch my breath. He was here. I certainly wished that he could have been here earlier—but at least he was here now. "'M sorry," was the first thing to leave his lips. "'M so sorry, Sadie..."

"Shhh," I told him, through my tears. I hated feeling like this. I was weak. I looked up at him and I swore that I actually saw tears in his eyes. That made it so much worse. I couldn't deal with Daryl crying.

"I should've been 'ere 'fore," he stated.

"You're here now," I told him. "You're alive..."

"I didn' kno' if ya made it..." he added, when I looked up at him.

"I did..." I didn't know if I knew how to stop crying. This experience was something that nobody ever deserved to have.

I backed away from Daryl and wiped my eyes. I looked over to see Carl, Michonne, and Rick—the latter with blood on his mouth and his beard. Carl looked at me with wide blue eyes and I cringed. I expected him to not go near me, but he moved closer and hugged me around my waist. How could he want to touch me after what that man did? How could anyone want to be near me now? It was disgusting. I was disgusting.

XxX

In the car, I cuddled with Carl as he slept. I could not sleep though. I every time I closed my eyes, I had the same images in my mind. I just kept thinking about that man—that coward— _inside of me_. I kept trying to forget it. Trying to forget that an act that I usually loved—when I was a willing party—was now ruined. I knew the thoughts I was having for my situation were normal. But they weren't things that I wanted to think about. I wanted to be excited to have a moment alone with Daryl so we could have a round of our hot, amazing sex. But I didn't know if I could.

Rick and Daryl were outside of the car and Michonne was asleep in the back seat. I hoped that the boys were all right outside. I hoped that nobody and nothing else would come near us tonight. We'd had enough.

There were not words to describe what I had experienced. Unless it was something that you had been through, it was not something that could be explained. I knew that I wouldn't be okay for a long time—if ever. I just wanted to cry some more. But I couldn't keep feeling sorry for myself. There were more people around that needed to be taken care of. It wasn't all about me. Even if I had been through hell, so had everyone else, on some level. I just needed to find a way to cope. I wasn't a quitter. I wouldn't let this break me.

Carl moved slightly away from me in his sleep and I kind of wondered if it was a subconscious thing. If he actually didn't want to be near me. I couldn't say that I would blame him.

Regardless, I kissed the top of his head before leaving the van. I sat on the grounds beside Daryl and brought my knees to my chest.

"You need to sleep," Rick told me and I shook my head.

"I can't," I told him. Both men were silent for a minute. They didn't know what to say to me and I didn't know what to say to them. I knew Rick was thinking about what to say to me. He couldn't ask if I was okay. That was like pulling a pin on a grenade.

"I'm sorry," he said finally.

"You didn't do it," I told him, leaning my head on Daryl. I knew if I was normal me right now, I would've tried to make a joke. I would've made a sexual joke but anything sexual just made me sick right now.

"But I couldn't stop it either," he mumbled.

"Look, I'm going to put it like this. What happened was not by any means okay, but the fact is it happened. I'm not going to let that be something that holds me down...the worst part of it all is that Carl was right there when it happened," when I said it all, I believed it. I believed I could do this. Even still, I couldn't stop myself from crying. I was trying to block out the events or the pain that I had felt. I wasn't okay. No matter how much I tried to play it off. No matter how much I tried to keep myself from thinking. I was not okay. And I didn't know if I ever could be.

"He doesn't think any less of you," Rick said.

"Can you imagine seeing that happen to a woman you look at like your own mother? It's fucked up. And don't try to tell me it's not. It's really fucked up. I don't even know if he knows what that is! He should've gotten to watch porn or something. Not that. Anything but that, Rick..."

"Sadie you couldn't stop what happened..." He tried. And I lost control of my emotions. I needed a walk. I abruptly stood and headed towards the woods.

"Stay 'ere, I got 'er," I faintly heard Daryl say. I knew that he was coming after me, but that was okay. I was glad that he wanted to be there for me. Daryl really was a great man and I felt like I didn't deserve him.

Once in the woods, I turned to face Daryl and he cupped my face. "I kno' I don' say it much, but I love ya girl. Wha' that son of a bitch did wasn't a'right. If I hadn' a'ready killed 'im I'd make sure he went through hell for doin' this to ya."

"Daryl...I don't know how I'm going to cope with all of this." I was a blubbering mess and I kind of hated myself for it. I wanted this to be one of those moments where I took all my sadness and turned it into strength. But I just couldn't. I couldn't do it this time. The events of today were the worst thing that I could've imagined. But I did have my family back. And for that reason, I wouldn't change the decisions I'd made to get here.

 **AN: So I didn't know how to write this chapter. I've never had that sort of content in anything that I've written. I hope that it's believable. And the chapter may seem a bit scattered and the thoughts may be a little bit contradictory, but that's kind of on purpose. Keep in mind this is from Sadie's POV and you've got 41 chapters before this to know how she is as a person. I think that she would react like this. I need your opinions. I can always go back in and try to fix things or tweak them if necessary. Also, is this okay with a T rating? I don't know if the content is considered "graphic" or not—in the way that I wrote it. Thanks!**


	43. Chapter 43

**AN: So last chapter was a bit eventful. I didn't fully plan on doing what I did, but I felt like it was probably something that could happen during the apocalypse at some point in time. I almost didn't do it because I'm attached to Sadie, but I think her character is strong enough to survive it. Enjoy this chapter :)**

"You're sure you're okay?" Carl asked as he and I stood in the woods. I smiled at him a little and nodded. I wouldn't say that was the proper word for it, but I had to make myself feel okay right now. We had too much to do. We were going into Terminus today. But we wanted to be on the defensive, so we were burying our guns—or Rick was, rather—that was why Carl and I were standing together. Daryl was a few feet away. Just outside of earshot.

"Are you okay...I don't know what you saw or heard..." I watched him, gauging his reaction.

"I..." Carl started to speak, but he stopped. I saw the blush on his cheeks and I was speechless. Shit. I think I had to explain. Goddammit. This was not how I wanted to show that I was a mum. Carl was a boy, this should be Rick's job. But I couldn't just leave this...but at the same time I didn't want to have _the talk_ , especially over this type of event.

"What you saw...It was unnatural and not okay, not under any sort of circumstance. That sort of thing is supposed to be done between two people who actually love each other..." I said.

"So like you and Daryl, then?" He asked, I felt like it was just a quick thought.

"Yes, like Daryl and me. We love each other and that's something we would do to show that we love each other. But in a much different way," I realised that I wasn't good at this explanation. "Shit, Carl. I'm sorry. This is awkward and I don't know how the fuck to explain this."

"I understand, Sadie...I know what you're talking about," he said. I nodded, feeling relief.

"Good," I stated.

Without further ado, Rick returned and we headed for the entrance to Terminus. I felt a hand brush against mine and I looked over at Daryl. His blue eyes met my green ones and I gave him a small smile. His hand held mine loosely as we walked.

This single act stirred something in me. In that moment I thought so highly of Daryl. I thought about how much I really loved him. He was the first man I had truly been in love with. It actually kind of hurt to love him the way I did. I knew that I was not the easiest person to be with...especially after what had happened. But he still seemed to love me so much more than he had the words to describe.

We walked into Terminus with the weapons we had left at the ready. Signs told us to lower our weapons—apparently they knew—and slowly we did. This place...it seemed like it could be a home. That was all that we could hope for, right? A home. When we walked up, there was a singular woman at the grill. I didn't know what she was cooking but it kind of made my stomach churn. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I hadn't eaten—especially meat—at any point in the last week.

"Welcome," she greeted. "I'm Mary. It's a pleasure to meet you all," she smiled warmly. Almost too warmly. I didn't know what to say about this. Except that I was incredibly creeped out and that I wanted out of this place. I didn't like the feeling of the are around me. I glanced at Rick and I could tell that he was processing similar thoughts. He saw something though. I looked to where his eyes were fixated.

"Where did you get that watch?" he asked. I looked at the watch and my throat went dry. Shit. That was Glenn's. What the hell had we walked in to?

"Found it off of a dead one," the guy said, his tone nonchalant. But the more he tried to sound uninterested, the more I knew it wasn't true.

Glenn had been killed by these people. It was my fault. I left them. Shit. I looked over and noticed that one of their people was also wearing Daryl's dirty poncho—the one that had been at the prison before the Governor's attack.

So much was going on around me. The assholes that had probably killed our group member...the cooking meat. God, that smelled so weird. It wasn't like anything that Daryl had brought home previously. It was awful. What the hell could it be?

Before any of us could say another word, gunshots rang out. The metal pieces flew at our feet and we started running. Following Rick's lead, we went through the entire area of Terminus. This place was decently big. There was a lot of ground to cover.

The thing was—with the way they were shooting at us—they were leading us somewhere. They could not be this shitty at shooting. There was no fucking way. They missed us all. Ever. Single. Time.

I didn't quite figure out where we were going until we stopped in front of a train car. There were guns pointed at all of us from every single direction. We were fucked.

One of the men moved closer to us, he had to be one of the leaders. "I'm warning you now, any of you shoot me, you'll be dead in seconds," he called. "I want you to set your weapons on the ground," he instructed. I found that we all glanced at Rick first and once he started to move, we followed his lead.

"Samurai, I want you to get into that train car over there," the man told Michonne. I didn't know what was inside that car, but I knew that I would find out soon enough. "And if anyone tires anything funny, I want you to shoot the kid, I've got a feeling the Ringleader wouldn't like that too much."

Did he had shitty nicknames for all of us? What the fuck? "Next I want Blondie to go," he said, once Michonne was inside. Damn and he really couldn't come up with anything better than that? That was a shitty nickname if I ever heard one. I made my way over to the car and Carl gave me this look. Like he was worried for me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and went inside of the car.

Holy fucking shit. I could not believe what was inside of this shithole.

Everyone.

Well almos everyone.

Maggie, Glenn, Abraham, Eugene, Rosita, Bob, Sasha...Shit.

I supposed at this point we could assume the others were completely gone...Carol...Beth...Tyreese. Dead. Maybe the only bright side was that they didn't have to put up with this.

"What the hell?" I asked, moving to stand by Carl. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders, getting close to him. Daryl walked into the train car next and he also moved beside me, giving everyone else a once over.

"I was hoping by leaving us that you avoided this place," Glenn stated, looking at me.

"Unfortunately not," I stated, frowning. "I'm glad you're not dead though...the pricks have your watch...I thought..."

"We're still alive. For now," he said.

"Well, looks like we all stepped in a massive pile of shit," Abraham said, right as Rick made his way into the train car. The former cop did exactly what Daryl and I had done when he walked in. He surveyed the rest of the group.

"We can get out of it," I said, looking from Rick to everyone else. There were so many of us. They put too many ass kicking people in one singular train car. We were survivors. There was no way they could kill us.

As if Rick had read my thoughts, he vocalized exactly what I was thinking. "Looks like they're fucking with the wrong people."

Damn right they were. We would get out of this. We had to. I wasn't going to be killed by these sorry pricks. Not so soon after getting my family back. I had been through too much shit for them to get to kill us.

 **AN: I think that this chapter sucks, and I apologise. I actually have never written this part in the story line. At some point I plan to go back and rewrite it. Please leave your thoughts! Happy Friday!**


	44. Chapter 44

We were making weapons. The lousy Terminus pricks took our weapons. We used whatever we had on us, including our belts.

"Go for their throats, then their eyes," Rick stated, preparing all of us for this. This was something that I could do. I could fight them. I could kill them. They deserved it. I still wasn't in the best place mentally, but this was something that I could pour my energy in this and we could take them out.

Except there was one problem.

They dropped some sort of gas on us. My lungs burned. I tried to hold my breath, but it did nothing. Everything around me went completely dark as I hit the ground of the boxcar.

When I came to, most of the others in the train car had already woken, and I sat up to find that many of our group were gone. Including Daryl, Rick, and Glenn.

"Where are they?" I asked out loud, my voice faltering slightly. Maggie looked up at me and started to say something, but then she stopped. "Oh no," I said. "Those fuckers won't even fight us to take us..." I think that Maggie sensed that I was so close to losing my shit, she helped me from the ground and gripped my hand tightly in hers.

"They will be alright. They know how to fight and they'll get out of this, okay?" Slowly, I nodded and I swore—by the way she was looking at me—that she knew something. She could tell something was different with me and I didn't like that. Nobody needed to know that I wasn't completely myself right now. I wasn't as mentally strong as I had been. I didn't want to be weak.

Suddenly, an explosion rocked the train car and I looked at Maggie as she looked at me. I looked over and found that Carl was still knocked out. I shook his shoulder slightly and soon opened his bright blue eyes. I knew that something was coming—based on the sound of the explosion. I didn't know what was going on, I really hoped that Rick and the others had caused the explosion on the Terminus pricks—not the other way around.

When we heard the sound of the door starting to open, we all moved our makeshift weapons to the ready. The doors opened and I watched as I saw Rick on the other side. I released the breath I had been holding and hurried out of the train car—Carl in tow.

"What the hell happened?" I asked Rick.

"I'll explain later," he said as we made our way through Terminus. There were those pricks all around us. I watched as a walker took one of them out and I grabbed their gun. I saw one woman across the way, clearly a resident of this new level of hell. I didn't think twice. I shot her. I killed her. She wasn't directly trying to kill me, but I still shot her in the head, as I did with the next one that came our way.

The fight to get out of here, wasn't an easy one. There was a maze or rooms and buildings, but Rick's sense of direction ended up setting us free.

XxX

Apparently it had been Carol to set off the explosion and the Terminus Pricks were cannibals. Of course they were. Why the hell was I even surprised? Fucking damn them. That was actually the worst thing that they could do. Eat people? What the fuck?

Carol led us to the top of a ridge where there was a small house and we found Tyreese as well. "Sadie, Rick," he said, before looking to the rest of the group. Rick and I looked at him strangely for a moment before he gave us a big grin. "I think I've got something that belongs to you," he had a backpack on and he turned it around to his front to show off a baby. But not just any baby. Judith. My baby.

A flood of emotions overtook me as I held the baby girl in my arms once again. I looked at Tyreese and gave him the biggest hug imaginable.

"Thank you," I said, tears flooding down my cheeks. I looked over to Carol and gave her a hug of equal strength. I looked at the little girl, studying her dark eyes—I had difficulty knowing if the dark colour was inherited from Lori or Shane. It could go either way, really. But it didn't matter. I pushed the deceased from my mind and held the little girl. She was my child, it didn't matter where she had come from. I loved her.

XxX

That night we made a camp in the woods. Judith and Carl were both asleep, I sat with the both of them for a long while, eventually, Daryl walked over and started to sit, but I reached my hand out to him and he pulled me from the ground. I held onto his hand and laced his fingers with mine as we headed deeper into the woods, away from the rest of the group.

"What's up?" I asked him, watching his facial expression, trying to see what was going on in that head of his.

"Wanted ta make sure ya were a'right," he said, looking me over.

"Mostly," I said. "I have Judith back," I said. "That's something..."

"Ya've got all of us, Sadie," he told me and I nodded. I knew that I did. It was just so hard.

"Daryl, I love you," I said, kissing him. He kissed me back and by the way these kisses were going, I knew where it would lead. So many thoughts were swirling in my head as he kissed my neck. My hands reached down towards his belt but as soon as I heard the clinking noise of the metal, I froze. I felt sick. Daryl, seeming to be tuned in to how I was feeling, stopped moving. He looked at me with those blue eyes and I just couldn't. I couldn't go through with something that I had always loved to do. "Daryl...I...I can't," I said, watching his eyes to gauge his reaction.

"A'right," he said, kissing the top of my head. His kindness in that moment actually hurt. I knew that he was doing absolutely nothing wrong. He was showing that he loved me and wouldn't push me into something that I didn't want.

But I should want this. This was Daryl. I loved this man. I loved having sex with this man. I loved every part of all of that. How could someone ruin this for me?

"Shit," I said out loud.

"What?" he asked.

"Daryl...If I can't have sex with you...how are we supposed to even be together?" I asked.

"Th' sex ain't everythin'."

"Don't you remember how this started?" I asked. "It started as just sex. It's literally the foundation of our entire fucking relationship. Without it, it's like we aren't even together," I was crying again at this point. "Daryl, I just...I just don't know. I'm losing control of everything. I can't think straight. You know something's wrong if I don't want to have sex with you...I just don't know what the hell to do, Daryl. I don't know how the fuck to fix this. I just want to go back to normal. I don't want to be this damaged person."

"Ya ain' damaged. Yer th' same as ya always were. We don' _need_ ta have sex 'til yer ready."

"What if I'm never ready?" I asked, feeling vulnerable. What if he wouldn't want to be with me just because I couldn't have sex with him.

"I'll still love ya," he murmured. "I always will."

 **AN: I'm trying my very hardest to characterise Sadie properly after everything that has happened. I was trying to read articles online to figure out how she would act in this situation. I hope I did okay with that. I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this chapter!**


	45. Chapter 45

We were inside a Church. Earlier, we saved a man by the name of "Father Gabriel", apparently he was the leader of this congregation—well before the dead rose, anyway. I went to one of the corners. I didn't like the idea of being in here. I looked up to see Daryl surveying the large area. I could tell that he was finding all of the weak points, in preparation for anything.

He placed his things beside me but started to walk outside with just his crossbow. "Daryl wait," I said. He turned back around and I held out a hand to him. "Help me up?" he pulled me to my feet. "I remember someone talking about teaching me to hunt..." I said, and he nodded, smirking. It was so slight, but it made me smile a bit.

I wanted to face my fears. I wanted to get back to where I was before I killed those two hillbillies. I wanted to be that strong person. That person who wasn't afraid of going out to the world. But I also realised that person was naive. She didn't think clearly enough to know that some people are sick. Some people will do unimaginable things to others just because they think that they can.

I followed Daryl into the woods and I tried to keep my steps as quiet as possible. He seemed to be deep in thought as we trekked deeper into the forest. Eventually, he looked over at me and frowned a little.

"What?" I asked, feeling kind of self conscious. Before, I wouldn't have felt any sort of insecurities, but now, I kind of felt like I wasn't good enough and I knew it was stupid. I was the same me that I had always been. Something someone else did to me should not change how I view myself, but it did. I just felt different.

"Nothin'," he mumbled before walking some more.

"Daryl..." I said. I knew the thought that had entered my mind. "Do you think of me differently now?" I asked.

"No," he replied automatically. He gave zero hesitation, but somehow, I didn't believe him.

"Then why do you look at me differently?" I asked.

He chewed on his thumb nail for a minute, thinking before he gave a reply. "'Cause ya surprise me," he said. I knitted my brow, thinking about his words, but I couldn't fully understand them.

"How's that?"

"Ya've been through hell, Sadie. But yer still here. Ya haven' given up. Yer here, fightin'. A'most anybody else who's been through what ya have, wouldn't be nearly as strong."

"I'm on the verge of tears nearly every second..." I stated. "Coming out here, scares the living shit out of me and I don't even want to talk to anyone else in the group. What if they know just by looking at me? I'm not the person I was. This has fucked with my head so much. I just feel disgusting."

"Yer not disgusting," he stated, his tone almost annoyed. I knew that Daryl didn't have a whole lot of patience, but he was certainly trying. And I appreciated that. "C'mon," he led the way through the woods until we found a small house that looked much more like a shack. We went inside and we made sure everything was clear. He then had me follow him into a bathroom. He turned on the shower and I looked at him in shock to find that the water worked.

"How'd you know?" I asked.

"Places like this run off wells. They don' need city water," he said. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly. "I'll be out 'ere," he said and I gave him a quick kiss before nodding.

"Will you raid the bedroom? See if there's something else for me to wear?" I knew that it sounded like an almost selfish request, but I hated these clothes. They were the same clothes that I had been wearing since the fall of the prison.

A few minutes into my shower, there was a light tapping on the door. "You can come in," I said. He walked in, hand over his eyes and I kind of laughed. I understood that the shower curtain was clear and he was doing it out of respect, but it wasn't necessary. "Daryl, you've seen me naked plenty of times. I'm damaged. Not destroyed," I said. I could take Daryl looking at me naked. I knew that wouldn't kill me inside. This man loved me and I loved him.

XxX

Fresh clothes and a shower made me feel rejuvenated. I felt better. I felt like all of that dirt and blood had been weighing me down. I knew that no matter how many times I showered, certain memories could never be washed away, but I felt like this helped them to fade quite a bit. I knew that I could come back from all of this and be me. I would be able to overcome this. I knew that form the get go. I had my kids, Daryl, and Rick to be here for. I just needed to take some time for myself, which would be easier said than done in the apocalypse.

"You will never know how much that meant to me, Daryl," I said. He just nodded. "I love you and I'm so lucky to have you..."

"Ya haven' gone completely soft now, have ya?" he asked, nudging my arm. I nudged him back and we made our way back to the church. Maybe I could start to feel normal again now.

 **AN: This is just a short little filler chapter. It's more fluff than anything—that's why I went ahead and posted it as soon as I finished it. I don't usually update this late at night but oh well. I have a lot to do this weekend. I work and and I have prom...so I don't really have much free time to update. This just needed to get out there for you. I hope you liked the fluff. I'm hoping for Sadie to be able to go back to her badass self soon enough, but she just needs a bit of time. Everything that happened—from the fall of the prison to now has only been like a week-ish. So it's really not a big time frame. Please leave your reviews :)**


	46. Chapter 46

Daryl and I had followed a car—one that he said had the same symbol on the back as the one that took Beth. After several hours of trailing it, we ended up in Atlanta. The car went to Grady Memorial Hospital. We decided that it would be best to make a plan of attack before we actually went in. Daryl led the way to a nearby building and we cleared it before going to the third (and top) floor to plan.

"How do you think it works?" I asked. "Like do they kidnap random people or do they take in people…?" I questioned, unsure. So many things could be going on right now, you never knew. Especially in this time. Part of me didn't want to find out. But I feared for Beth's life and safety. She was just so young.

"I don' know, Sadie," he replied, chewing on his thumb, clearly in thought.

"I could go in," I said.

"What?"

"Like as bait. I go in, find out what they're about, escape, and come up with a plan with you."

"What if they're killin' people, like with Terminus."

"I'll survive," I shrugged.

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"I ain' losin' ya. 'Specially not like this."

"You won't lose me, Daryl. I'll be okay."

"I said no. It ain' happenin', we'll find another way."

"This way will work. Stop being such a stubborn ass!"

"Stop tryin' ta get yerself killed!" he exclaimed. "I'm tellin' you no, Sadie. Ya ain't goin' in there to get yerself killed."

"And you're not my boss. As much as I love you, you do not get to tell me what to do."

"Th' hell I don'," he murmured.

"I swear—" there was a young boy running towards the building. Had they seen us? Where did he come from? Daryl and I both hid within the room, knowing that he would probably come up here.

When he did, Daryl raised his bow and I raised my gun. The boy couldn't be more than fifteen or sixteen, he dark skinned, and close to my height. If they were sending him after us, I was not afraid of their people.

"Who th' hell are you?" Daryl questioned the boy. He froze.

"I'm Noah," he said.

"Where'd ya come from?"

"Please don't take me back."

"Back where?" I asked, taking a step closer, but never lowering my gun.

"Grady…I just got out."

"I think we need some elaboration," I stated.

"Can you put the weapons down?"

"No," Daryl and I said at the same time.

He let out a long sigh and began to tell us all about Grady. How they operated and how they were forced to work for the hospital. To be honest, it could've been worse. But I understood not wanting to be there.

"And finally, Beth and I were—"

"Beth?" I cut him off.

"Yeah…she's newer there. We wanted out!"

"Does she have blonde hair? Young. Very pretty?" I asked. He nodded.

"You know her?" he asked.

"We came ta get 'er back," Daryl said, speaking for the first time in a while.

"She helped get me out…I want to help you guys."

"No," Daryl said.

"Daryl," I gave him a look. "He knows the place," I said. "This way, he can help us get Beth."

"Yer really gonna trust this kid!" he shouted. "He could be real bad, Sadie. You don' kno'! You can' just trust anybody! I thought ya'd know that by now."

"Daryl, shut the fuck up," I said. I really didn't need a lecture on trust right now. "This is our best option and I'm not going to miss out on it because you're being stubborn and untrusting! I'm well aware that we can't trust people but this is the best option that we have."

"We can find another way."

"Beth just tried to escape. How long do you think she'll last in there?"

"I don' wanna trust some kid!"

"And I don't want to argue with you anymore! So suck it up. We're going to get Beth back; we just have to trust the kid for now."

He was pretty small. I did not anticipate much of an issue from him. Daryl and I could easily take him on. Even just I could! He was skinny and I doubted he had much muscle. If he had been within Grady Memorial Hospital this whole time, he hadn't gotten much of that outdoor experience. I knew that I had lost a lot of weight since the apocalypse started, but I had also gained muscle tone. That was something the kid lacked.

XxX

We decided that we should involve the rest of the group in this plan, so we'd have to drive back to the church. Daryl managed to rig a minivan so that we could drive that back.

"Yer drivin'," he said, looking at me and climbing in the back. I understood why he would do that, he wanted to keep watch over Noah so that he didn't try anything. That way, Daryl would be ready to shoot him at any second. It was smart, even though I didn't think that he would try anything, you don't ever know with people now.

We started our drive back to the church and I didn't know what to think. I knew that it wouldn't just be easy to get Beth back, but we would do everything we could. That's how this group worked. We're family. We would go try to save each other because that's what we did. There wasn't even a second to hesitate about that. That was why I loved this group—even if I didn't show it towards them. I still cared about them, they were family, I just didn't have to talk to them and be merry all the time.

 **AN: So, I got a new laptop! Yay! I took down the previous Author's note, so if you didn't read it, mine got stolen. On my birthday. It was really shitty and made for a terrible 18** **th** **birthday. I know that it's been forever since I've updated, so here's this. I hope I still have people who are interested in reading! I'm also kind of low on ideas so if you wanna post some, that would be lovely. Thank you!**

 **PS: does anyone need to leave a review? Some people are awful human beings. If you don't like my story, fine, but don't fucking call me a C**t. That is not okay. Who the hell do some people think they are? I've had a ahitty enough week. Thanks for that, you anonymous asshole. If you really wanna say something like that do someone don't be fucking anonymous. Maybe then I could fucking defend myself. I hate people. Nobody knows what other people are going through and that's why you don't name call like that. Did anyone teach you any fucking manners or respect for other people? And I've had enough bullshit. Tbh, don't know if I'll even continue this story. I don't take criticism well when I feel that it's undeserved. Again, you anonymous bitch, thank you so much for ruining my day and making me feel even worse. Fuck you.**


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